I come home somehow from a business trip at 8 in the morning (instead of the planned twelve). I quietly open the door, I think I may have time to go to my husband under the barrel. Ann no, he’s already washing in the soul, singing songs (and you, god, thought he’s cuddling with the grandmother? This is a story about another.)

About what a serious adult woman, wife, mother of two children is doing, driving 200 km to get home.

Here is what? is correct. It runs, into the closet (as is - with a bag, in shoes and upper clothes) and begins to subdue from there.

Water is turned off. Steps of bare feet along the corridor... Pause... Heaven, he thinks, seemed. I went back to the bathroom and stopped singing.

And I decide to finish the show (in the closet it is hot, tight) and give such a lengthy penetrating twist that Wes Craven and George Romero turned into a grave.

And here is what I will tell you. At the time we were married for 15 years, but never in my life, neither before nor after, I had heard in the voice of a brutally strong and courageous man such unfailing horror as the day when he pushed his head out of the bathroom and whispered:

“Who... there?“?”



PS a couple of months later from him arrived a response, but this is another story.

XXX is compassionate. One of the tenants managed to squeeze a chair on a common sort. What only the neighbors did not try - he was pooher, referring to the chairman intentionally. And then one day, a neighbor came up with a clever plan for how to explore it. I told my neighbors that they approved. The night came. The neighbor is hiding and waiting for a referral. The door of his room opens, he goes out and goes to the sortir. It begins to suck, and by the sound is clear - a reference to the chair. The neighbor stole from behind and shot him in the head from a shotgun.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYY I hope he made the right conclusions.

Zzz: Broke his brains and realized his mistake

I have long noticed that of all the variety of Russian matta for foreigners, most often, the phrase “suka blyad” is the most famous. As I explained, because of the video from the car video registers on YouTube :)



I work in Germany. Another Skype meeting, the microphone is not turned off, I touch the table and a simple Russian five-letter blasphemy breaks out. Immediately the joyful choir of German colleagues “suka blyad” is distributed. It was so pleasant in the heart!

When pitying cats, do not forget to pity people.

The announcement was short: “Clarely seeing and guessing Anastasia. I will return the loved one, I will remove the spoil and the crown of marriagelessness. It is cheap.”

Anastasia Petrovna wrote, thought: well and what? Thousands of them, such ads, crowds of guessers and clear-sighted ones. What does it attract customers? There is no money. How to Escape? She lives alone, her son in another city, her pension is ridiculous. She really knew it from her youth. But no more skill in the mystical sphere. Hm, we need to add services, decided Anastasia Petrovna.

She added: “The clairvoyant, extravagant, witch, descendant guesser and parapsychologist Anastasia. I will return my beloved, I will remove the spoil and crown of marriagelessness, I will make a conspiracy to succeed in business and turn away from competitors.

Little, decided Anastasia Petrovna. Magic and clarity - at every corner, money is not cut, the customer will not come. She breathed and wrote, “I do small repairs, paint walls, paste wallpapers.”

I made an announcement. The next day I asked, “How long will the walls in the kitchen be painted?”

“The posterity guess” Anastasia was deceived, the price she did not know. The first price that came to mind. “Good!” they said to her.

Anastasia Petrovna was nervous: the walls painted twice in her life and for a long time. But what to do? Better walls than nothing. I bought a bag and arrived at the address.

She tried, it went well, she got the money. Called again. Now about the tapes.

Anastasia Petrovna called a friend: "Listen, you have nothing to do at retirement, and there is a job here."

He and his girlfriend handled the wallpaper. A friend told Anastasia Petrovna: "And my brother is in the sanitary, by the way."

And the "clear-seeking" Anastasia wrote a magical announcement: "I make cranes, set up shells and toilets, remove clogs. It is cheap.”

Send the orders. Anastasia Petrovna was surprised: “Well pure mysticism!” He attracted two other friends, and three men over fifty who were sitting without work. A month later, the announcement was added as follows: “I cycle the floors, make furniture, repair household appliances, washing machines and refrigerators. It is cheap.”

The team gathered boyfriendly, Anastasia only had time to send people to the objects. Six months later, Anastasia opened a small company called The Witch. I rented a garage to repair cars. But in the ads for any case did not clear the crown of unmarriage and other magic.

Finally a woman called. She cried. She wanted to return her husband, went to another, and she is 53 years old, nothing to catch in life. Anastasia Petrovna said tiredly, “Listen, fuck him husband. To whom did he give up, Kobe? Go to the brigade. We have fun and a lot of work.”

The woman stopped crying, “Are there men?” Anastasia Petrovna smiled: “There is. and normal. Come on, my friend, let’s wait.”

After that, the “clear-sighted” Anastasia went to watch how bakeries were made in her new bakery.

Alexei Belakov

And Anton Semenovich? My name is Georges Milosevsky and I am a representative of the Sberbank Security Service.

This week happened: I walk with a dog (she’s without a leash, on a free-pass, which is important), at night (she’s running out, so I go out for a walk only after an hour of the night so I don’t cross with other dogs), quiet, dark, the whole city is covered with a thin layer of fresh snow. The dog jumps through a small fence and goes closer to some garages to raise a bunch there. I am one of those who principally clean up for their pet, so with a smooth movement, I put a bag on my hand, climb over the fence and go to the garages - there is dark and the nibuga is not visible. In order to find in the snow a bunch of cockroaches, I pick up my phone, turn on the lighthouse, sit on the shells and start looking. The dog is rolling out of the garage at this moment - she is not interested in my problems. The warm cockroaches are quickly found, I stretch to them and grab them in a bag - and at that moment the whole world is illuminated by bright blue flashes (I hide) and from somewhere behind some people start screaming to me "Stop, cock!" I can hear the climbing of the boots. I turn around and see two police officers approaching me as fast as in movies – one thick and low, the other staircase and dirt at the same time. Running into the focus, the tall begins to scream: "What, fuck, in the package, open the package, let's fuck!" I obey, I open the package, but, as I said, the garages are dark, the contents are not clear, so the policeman takes the bag out of my hand, opens it wide and looks into it, bringing it closer to the face. It was at this moment that the hellish smell of the dog fucking put him in the nose a powerful hook, he plunges the bag and looks closely at me with obvious astonishment (, the guy at night runs behind the garages in the dark and is not looking for a pitch, but fucking from the dog - while the dog is not there!) and. At this point, the noise from the garages runs out my Blonde, the cops look at her, then on the bag of shit, then on me, the situation begins to reach their brains, and, with the words, "Well fuck you in the mouth!" They turn around and go to the car. The world stops blinking blue, we stay at the garages in silence and darkness three under the peacefully falling snowflakes: I, a dog and a bag of shit.

The 44-year-old woman was unemployed. Being a good and sought-after specialist, I am not especially upset, especially since there is always a demand for sellers. I wrote a resume, posted it where it was appropriate, sent it to vacancies... 2 months have passed, no response, there is no silence at all. The lady began to get nervous, and after moral torments went to the counterfeit - added to the date of birth 5 years. Three weeks of waiting, the result is zero. Then, continuing her vicious path, she rejuvenated herself by another 5 years... In the next two days, the lady went through 9 interviews. And every one of them!) ended with an invitation to work. At recent meetings, she had already admitted with some coquetiness that she was slightly sluggish with age. But the employers were only astonished with their hands, and some mulled compliments about the appearance.

The Conclusion. Candidates over 35 are not reluctant to consider, their resumes are simply not read. This is the story of 2012. Now everything is probably even better.

Ignorance of a state secret does not exempt from responsibility for its disclosure. Actually the story. Before a lecture in a very large Russian corporation, I was asked to write down that my presentation did not contain a state secret. I answered them that I am not committed to the state secret, and I do not know what it is. Therefore, I cannot guarantee that it is not included in my presentation. There was some hustle.