bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122743
 07.01.2016
I’ve been living with a guy for a year, but I’m still surprised by the characteristics of the male body. I wake up at night and feel a reaction of his body. He does not react to attempts. To the question "Do you sleep?" answer "Yes, he is not. Tagged with"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122742
 07.01.2016
Hm... why hasn’t anyone written about inexperienced men and experienced women? My dad’s mom was the first and last woman in his life, my fiancé had no one before me, and my friend’s husband had no one before her.
I don’t understand what the difference is? Does sexual experience matter if you love each other? I’t think of saying, “Fu, you’ve had women before me, go, you’re ugly” or “Fu, you’re inexperienced, I want an experienced, go out.”
I think all these arguments are written by people who have never fallen in love, so the partner is perceived as a set of functions that fit or not.
I always judged each person individually, not as an object for my pleasure. For such items in sex shops you need to go, and not gossip that the partner turns out to be a living person and something does not know or behaves not as you like.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122741
 07.01.2016
Are you serious?
Instead of joking, do we read how someone’s cats crash?
Let’s talk about who himself when "the empty intestine".
Well, and, of course, how someone’s kids are broken! It will be especially tired!

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №122740
 07.01.2016
I bought a toilet paper with a cute mouse drawn on each part.
I’ve never been so sad with my ass.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122739
 07.01.2016
This is:

XX wildly shouted that it was her, honest money, and that she was about to prove that she had earned them. "Prove it" said the investigator

The principle of the presumption of innocence is that the accused does not prove his innocence - it is the investigator must prove that the money is unfair. And if she claims that someone gave her that money, it doesn’t really matter if someone likes to go to the investigator or not. To find out and find evidence is an investigation. There is no evidence that the accused is a priori innocent. And yes, "sugging" is not a crime.
This is never funny.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №122738
 07.01.2016
Give us a cat for the New Year's holidays while the hostess is on holiday with the family for a week. The cat is a young and frightened British man. He slipped out of bed at night and could not find him in the morning. The apartment was never a penthouse, two, one room was closed. Interrupt it all! I was already a sinful domestic affair, and myself at the same time, in lunatism suspected, said in the night the door was opened and released the beast. In full trance, confused, I go to the kitchen again, checking all the corners and corners. I see the oven opened (the meat was baked late in the evening and left open for the night)..Yes, the cat was lying in the oven and tossed his big eyes on me!) The next day, literally for a minute left unattended - disappeared again. For 10 minutes, 4 people were looking for a cat in the room and in the corridor (he had nowhere to go). This miracle went into the closet with his shoes and pushed out a pair of shoes before him, behind which he was not visible. In general, we have come to the conclusion that the cat-masker 99 level)
I gave him a secluded corner, now you don’t have to look for it.)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122737
 07.01.2016
You have such an interesting name! Where is it?
You won’t believe my parents.
Was it inherited?
“Yes, fucking, all my life I’ve been coping on a booklet, rejecting myself in every voice!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №122736
 07.01.2016
X: There is such a situation in the family when you just need to accept...
Y: Well Mom, I’m already full.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №122735
 07.01.2016
Are there often special cases in your practice?

Sometimes they happen. There was one thing that everybody still remembers and recalls almost like a joke. Our compatriot arranged to work in an international team of German and Russian builders. And it turned out that when there was no chief, everything behaved normally, but as soon as the chief appeared, a German took to strike ours. He attacked him, insulted him, told him that he was “arsloth” and “shayze”. The guy at some point did not stand up and replied, "Let's go on x**!" the Russians laughed, the German did not understand, and when he was translated, he was offended, filed the Russian in court for causing moral damage and demanded compensation. Our boyfriend was also not confused, went to the lawyer, and they filed a counterclaim. As a result, the court issued a verdict: to satisfy the Russian’s claim and to reject the German’s application. Now attention, why is it? Because, say, the German insulted quite specifically, calling the Russians "the ass of the ass." And the Russian — sent in a certain direction, leaving in the end for the German to choose whether to go there or not.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122734
 07.01.2016
From Gicktaims, the theme of "Greenhouse microclimate management system".

xxx: Built for friends a similar system for the greenhouse, a little more complicated, of course, with data loading in the zabbiks, sensors on the radio channel, control of humidity, temperature and pH of the nutrient solution, lighting and other plugs. What you have, even a ficus to grow will not help, without resentment, call a weather station, as advised above.
Tagged: burn

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122733
 07.01.2016
North Korea may have tested a neutron bomb.

Not to specify who - there is no one in the country.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122732
 07.01.2016
About Old Worship:
Luke Skywalker, being a descendant of a strong Jedi, studied Jedi in 3 episodes, barely defeated Darth Vader at the end of the trilogy, but was unable to defeat Emperor Palpatine, he was helped by Darth Vader himself.
And now, some girl-bomzhi, for the first time took in her hands a blue light sword, and almost collapsed the sit, prevented the rupture of the planetary crust. The man who was specially trained to kill a Negro was unable to do so. What awaits us in the next two episodes?

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122731
 07.01.2016
I saw one movie a long time ago. I don’t remember the story, but I remember one phrase from the movie: Veritas vidos. Or something like that. From the language of the ancient Romans it was translated as "believing you will see." The essence of this phrase is that if you strongly believe it will happen in reality. And because of my childhood maximalism, I believed this phrase. What if I can believe and fly, for example? The hell knows it until you try. And once I went out into the yard, I climbed into the garages to test my theory. Concentrated on being able to fly, I ran out of my small legs and jumped out of a two-meter garage. Naturally, the force of universal gravitation disproved my theory and I fell very colorfully to the ground, shaking my elbows and knees. I didn’t risk jumping anymore.



And then many years later, as a thirty-year-old man, I think, “What if I didn’t believe enough?”“”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122730
 07.01.2016
We will not take you to work under any circumstances. But we will pay a triple salary if you work for our competitors.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122729
 07.01.2016
There are two exits to the balcony. One of them is usually in a closed position. Often a cat goes out there, and when he reaches the second entrance, he blows from the sight of a closed door, stays there with thoughts like, "lock the pedrils" until you notice a glimpse in the window that can say, "man, help." Then all the offended goes.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122728
 07.01.2016
We live with husband and child in a one-bedroom apartment, long talk about a large and cozy apartment, the possibility and the desire to exchange food. And I just needed to find one site in the history of the browser, I opened, I look, and my husband is a good guy, I looked at an apartment with an individual layout, a surprise, probably, is preparing! Well, I decided to go through the links, to see what apartments... In short, in thirty years I learned that individuals are not apartments, to melt!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122727
 07.01.2016
I'm walking in the hallway at work today, two patients are walking next to me. And one with a height of 150 and a weight of 150 says:

- I tell these doctors that I am allergic to the sun, it is hard for me to walk in the heat, and they tell me, "you need to lose weight!" Do not need me! If they don’t work for me, they don’t want to work for me.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122726
 07.01.2016
Four years ago I got a cat. For more than three years we have not set the alarm clock. A cat wakes every member of the family a minute before the alarm. Everyone wakes up at different times. It doesn’t touch anyone on the weekend. How does he do it? After morning work, tired go to bed.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122725
 07.01.2016
You are so beautiful today.

Only today?

Yes, only for today.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122724
 07.01.2016
I thought I had enough boxes for everything until my girlfriend moved to me.

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