bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110370
 07.03.2015
At lunch, I bought a live bullshit and put it on the balcony. I forgot a little about him. I come home, it is already dark, I go to smoke on the balcony. I smoke. And suddenly on the floor begins to beat in hysteria a black swirling bag. I barely jumped out of the balcony. Maybe I will quit smoking.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №110369
 07.03.2015
here
– – – – –
The parallel lines in Lobachevsky's geometry intersect.
– – – – –
They do not cross. In Lobachevsky, a straight may have several parallel lines, intersecting with each other, but not in contact with it itself. There will no longer be parallel crossings. (B & A B & A C!=> B & B C)

The joke:

A man runs through a psychiatric hospital and screams:
I will differentiate you!! I will integrate you!!! to
All of him, of course, are very afraid, run away with horror, hide. And he is happy and shouts his threats even louder and more terrifying. But then he notices in the corner a patient who sits and seems not to notice what is happening at all. “Now I am him,” thinks the first, climbs to him, makes terrible eyes and says:
I will differentiate you!! I will integrate you!! to
–...
I will differentiate you!! I will integrate you!! to
–...
I’m going to differentiate you... to integrate?
- And I "e^h"...
And I’ll tell you "y" the difference!! to

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110368
 07.03.2015
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I see, some suspicious crowd of people, there are still mints and an ambulance with flashes.

Upon closer examination it turned out that on the asphalt lies, obviously, a corpse, all around it is in blood, and around it is owned and mint and people. I hadn’t seen it before, but I think it’s all within the norm.

But here’s the girl in police uniform that makes a selfie against the backdrop of all this ugliness – it’s shit, comrades.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110367
 07.03.2015
In 2001, a car hit the wheelchair of one person who was deprived of the ability to move. His labrador by the name of Endal brought the owner to the so-called “rescue position” (on the side face down, so that the person did not get stuck with vomiting masses), got a cell phone from under the turned chair, then pulled out the blanket and covered the victim. Then Endal ran to a nearby hotel for help.

yyy: If this had happened ten years later, we would have been able to see the event on YouTube, with comments from more highly intelligent beings.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110366
 07.03.2015
It’s 7 in the morning, I’m drunk, today is my birthday and I’m happy! Everyone is good)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №110365
 07.03.2015
It just happened an epic case! :)
The cat got me for ten minutes so I scratched her, swallowed. She pulled her legs, grabbed her legs for her fingers - "took", shorter. I sent her down and this is what she did: she climbed on the interruptor and began to get overwhelmed from foot to foot. And he turned off the naphid!
Has it not fallen? ! ))))))))))))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110364
 07.03.2015
That year he was driving his nephew for the morning (6 years old, graduation group), it was his turn to tell the story to Santa Claus:
Frost and sunshine is a wonderful day.
You are still sleeping, sweet friend.
Wake up beautiful.
Open some eyes.
The Uncle! I forgot the short...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №110363
 07.03.2015
xxx: I now know, by the way, what has transformed necromancy, demonology, and chimerology... into programming. Written some shit, in the appearance of a mixture of a bulldog with a rhinoceros, not once threatened and resurrected by the curved hands of the author. It works against all the laws of logic. On the word of honesty and motherly death.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110362
 07.03.2015
Do you want to pass? Make the cushion first - it helps 100%. I speak to you as a girl. Immediately all the cockroaches will die like "and suddenly he will perceive it as humiliation"and suddenly he will abhor me afterwards"and "fee, ugliness"(he is also "ugliness"). Do it lying down. Some people are just psychologically difficult to get up in front of someone on their knees, and even for that purpose. But gently descending from the belly kisses to the kisses of something else is much easier.
With respect, the girl whose cockroaches died.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №110361
 07.03.2015
I came to book buy "Kill a laughing man". A consultant girl says (K) that this book is not for sale.
Q: We have done it all! Recently, we are just counting, we do not have time to order.
I : Why? Where does such interest come from?? to
Q: The movie "The Hunger Games" have you seen? Is it about the Seagull? Everyone broke up to read the book. We try to explain something to them. But no matter. In the end, they stopped arguing, let’s at least read a normal book.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110360
 07.03.2015
lanapalmer: Why every year on March 8 on the first central channel of women congratulate with the show of the movie about the prostitute "Beautiful" (Pretty woman)? Women love movies about love, but why was this movie chosen? Survivors did not fight for that.

ssich: March 8, like other gender-oriented holidays, has now turned from a symbol of some event or phenomenon into a tool of clever bargains to withdraw money from the population for gifts, flowers, Valentines and other shells. As part of this discourse, it is quite appropriate to show a movie about selling sex on this day.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110359
 07.03.2015
Girls, tell me what to do, I have a problem. The fact is that men don’t give me...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110358
 07.03.2015
If you want facts, you will get them.
The risk of having a child with Down syndrome depends on the age of the mother. For women under the age of 25, the likelihood of having a sick child is 1/1400, to 30 - 1/1000, at 35 years the risk increases to 1/350, at 42 years - to 1/60, and at 49 years - to 1/12. However, since young women generally give birth to much more children, most (80%) of all Down syndrome patients are actually born to young women under the age of 30.
The fucking. It is only the age of the mother, the father may be at least 90.
____________________________________________________________________
Different sources give different assessments of the risks for the mother. For example, the English-language Wikipedia reports a probability of 1 to 44 for the age of a woman at 50. Plus, the influence of father’s age on the likelihood of having a child with Down syndrome is now being analyzed and seems to be there too.
In addition, there is such a thing as prenatal screening - you can determine the pathology in advance and yes, interrupt such a pregnancy.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110357
 07.03.2015
About the sperm, I remembered.

writes to me a young man (meeted in the social network), well communicated there on different topics, he, by the way, younger me so asked about different life situations, complexed about a small member (I did not see, did not measure, I think I just suffered from youth)
Well, and grit, that his girlfriend refuses him in oral lusts, and he so wants it. Like thinking about marrying her. But she shakes her all when she thinks she’s finished in her mouth.
I try from the point of view of life experience to explain that the girls are not off-the-top right away, maybe strict upbringing, maybe it also discourages her from such a thing that if she loves, then in the future everything will be, but I do not recommend pressing and forcing her into her mouth.
Nelly, you didn’t understand anything from my words. I asked if I did my husband go down, I answer what to do, I have no complexes about this, but it also didn't happen immediately, so I understand the girl's hesitation.

He tired me, I advised him in a joke to lick his sperm and try it for taste.

In response, an angry scream with a bunch of evil smiley-yes, you’re crazy!

This is the way men, inf to reflect.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110356
 07.03.2015
Do you want your girlfriend to constantly pay attention to other guys and shake at the same time?
--------
If "at the same time", then of course it is terrible - in public places it is generally inappropriate to shake.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №110355
 07.03.2015
That is, if he had the name Brown, the book and film would be called “50 Shades of Brown.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №110354
 07.03.2015
If you are standing and sitting at the same time, you are in jail, and if you are sitting and standing at the same time, you are in a traffic jams.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №110353
 07.03.2015
In the correct legend, Prometheus stole fire water from the gods, and we all pay for it with a liver.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №110352
 07.03.2015
The question of equality. When my grandfather became a lying disabled, no one in the family even doubted that I should take an academy at the institute, move to him and take care of him - this is a female job. When my grandfather died a year later, no one doubted that his apartment should come to my brother, who during this time came to my grandfather once (crossed) - the brother is a man, he needs separate housing! When I found this unfair and began to be judged, all my relatives and relatives called me a mercantile bastard. At the same time, if I tell my relatives that they are not for equality, they will be very surprised: in their opinion, that they in principle allowed me to study at the university is already an offensive concession to feminism! Moscow, the twenty-first century, not a mountain hall.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110351
 07.03.2015
to this
With regard to the "Gagarine flew into space and saw no God":

I’ve been to London, but I haven’t seen the queen.


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