bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141112
 07.05.2017
Fuck the dog, again, you have to clean it personally, otherwise a fine, etc.

What a heavy wear. How do the poor survive? Thank God, in the scattering-mother's still freedom: shy where you want, nobody will say a word.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141111
 07.05.2017
Go away, good guy, you are curling me a fool.

Go away, good girl, you’re gathering me out of that fool.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №141110
 07.05.2017
According to statistics, 98% of the owners of stickers "We can repeat" can not even start

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №141109
 07.05.2017
Coming to the interview for the executive director's place such a tough lady is good in the years. A magnificent list of services - the director of one enterprise, another, third, the chief of the shop... In general, the conversation went well. And here our general asks the question:
“I see, the last ten years you have been working in the lab... And we have a horde of harsh men here, never intelligent. Are you sure you will manage?
The lady looks at him over her glasses and says:
I started my career as a primary school teacher. Are you sure that your harsh men are worse than three dozen children who do not want to learn, and the knowledge in them must be crushed?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141108
 07.05.2017
Today is radio day and election day at the same time, if you understand what I mean.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141107
 07.05.2017
Internet in the Morning

Do you imagine? A deputy comes to the State Duma in the autumn after the holidays, and he is told: "You have a bug for repair, new tables, a microphone and a poll for voting!" It is funny, right? And parents who take their children to kindergarten and school are not funny at all.

[ + 44 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141106
 07.05.2017
Yesterday I received a message from an unknown number:"I was fine with your husband". I worried a little bit, and then I remembered that I wasn’t married, and I was a guy.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №141105
 07.05.2017
I never thought about age and had no complexes about it. But when in one week several people at once said that I looked very young for my years, I felt like an old dirty puddle and a fossil mammoth. What do you think a woman should look like at 31?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №141104
 07.05.2017
I walk with a girl (D) in the park. Sit on the bench, we talk.

A woman (J) runs and begins a classic speech on the subject:

Give the girl flowers!

With my mademoiselle together for quite a long time, so the purchase of "baby nuts" goes, mostly, on schedule (yes, I am about z / p).

I understand that a woman just won't lag behind, and I don't want to offend with a rough message, I say a simple phrase:

I am a homicide.



Breaking the pattern. The woman froze for 10 seconds - literally a scream of working twists was heard. She gathered with thoughts and silently departed from us.

A small but so nice blue win :)



The next day we went for a walk again to the same place.

The same woman fits, but already turns to my girlfriend. I don’t know if she thought about it for a minute, or a whole night, but she said the following:

Girl, buy the young man flowers!

It didn’t hurt me, it smiled. No, well, I myself like her admitted in rear-driving, so to offend or start blasphemy is stupid.

My wife got out of the situation:

I am more about girls...



The woman is silent, I look at her face. After 10 seconds she said:

It is gone, fucking, the pirates!

He leaves at sunset.



We ate ice cream and went home.

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141103
 07.05.2017
Weekend, the weather is good, the mood too. I go for lunch in the semi-empty subway, a black guy (P) sits next to me and in 5 minutes between us the following dialogue in mutually bad English:

Q. Can I contact you?

I’m sorry, I don’t speak English very well, but I’ll try to understand.

(I thought he wanted to go somewhere)

Q. Can you give me some money? I want to eat.

I – No

After a minute of silence:

Is it because I am black?

I – listen, it’s Russia, it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, I just don’t give you money.



And yes, I am the person who moves on electric buses and subway every day and meets beggars everywhere.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №141102
 07.05.2017
Once a relative from Kazakhstan came to us, to live and work, well as a relative... so she said, but no one ever saw her or knew her. We entered the apartment, of course, before the clarification... We fed dinner and allocated a personal space for living and rest from the road.

In the morning, they began to understand their relationships, but they did not even find common names, it turned out that the address was given to her by her late grandmother, whose name also told us nothing. In general, the affinity was deeply questioned, but the address was given to us, decided with his wife that the man was not bad, and she did not have the money to rent housing, offered to stay until he settled in the city. Lyudmila lived with us for about three months, proved to be a good, pleasant person and a specialist in the field of dentistry, so she quickly got to work. When she got up a little bit, removed the apartment and left, but the contact with us continued to maintain.



It has been about three years since then, Ludda has opened her clinic and plans to buy an apartment. Maybe we don’t have a relationship with her, but sometimes a stranger is closer and more responsive to his family, and the teeth are now treated much cheaper.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141101
 07.05.2017
What do you know about optimism?
My grandmother, who lived on the 2nd floor, suffered from bronchitis in the winter. The doctor advised her to walk in the pine forest to strengthen her health. Before the forest to walk far, the grandmother brought the brains to the grandchildren and they planted her under the window on a pebble of pine. (a plant of 40 centimeters in height). The next day, a grandmother from the 3rd floor came to the Chairman and demanded that the pine be transplanted, because when the tree grows, it will be dark for her, and the ophthalmologist forbade her from reading and watching TV in the dark.
Both grandmothers are 80 years old.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №141100
 07.05.2017
On the eve of May 9, the 5-year-old son ended his patience and he began to break down the New Year's tree in the corner. All the arguments that I used to help have no effect on my son.

[ + 29 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141099
 07.05.2017
I agree with you, but...

Fuck the dog, again, you have to clean it personally, otherwise a fine, etc.

What a heavy wear. How do the poor survive? Thank God, in the scattering-mother's still freedom: shy where you want, nobody will say a word.

...usually about how well people scream in Europe who think that cleaning a shit for a dog is funny, they want to turn the counter and ride a rabbit in a tram.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №141098
 07.05.2017
He is a handsome and hardworking man.
Same in the apartment, the fox, doing repairs,
Then it will sink, then it will sink.
Not a minute the fucker will rest.

He is also a great family member.
He loves his husband eight times a night.
When the screams are silent in the morning,
There is a little girl sitting behind the piano.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141097
 07.05.2017
From the questionnaire on the forum: I am 31, initial professional accountant and not completed higher economic. I worked, now it is a decree. I love to sew, to sew with pearls especially when the muse comes, ready to sew for days and nights.I did not study in this area, but once my uncle sewed his eyebrows, better than a surgeon.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141096
 07.05.2017
Β A cat has lived in the house for some time. A ghost cat rotates around me from time to time: I'm pursued by the feeling that somebody foul touches my legs. In fact, somewhere in the subconscious mind, the brain is afraid to approach a new member of the family and sends me signals to keep me alert all the time. It’s very similar to phantom signals from a phone in your pocket: vibrations seem to have been, and notifications – zero.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141095
 07.05.2017
Comments to the post about aggression on the Internet are much more visible and indicative than the publication itself. As it usually happens.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141094
 07.05.2017
XHH: Ocylococcinum - homeopathy... and my mother of two years gave me a cold, a grill, which helps. How much money has gone into the empty (
Oh you guys. I fell in love with one girl, positioned myself, a type, a beauty, an intellectual, a golden man and also helps everyone. I met for two months and realized that she was also, in general, an ocylococcinum.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141093
 07.05.2017
Coffee in the squad, the Moscovites drink Chinese green teas with mysterious names, something like "The Emperor's Ears in the Autumn Tea." The taste is so subtle that we can hardly feel it. Even more progressive to drink mate. In taste resembles fresh seed with menthol, but miraculously revitalizes and is very useful.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna