bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №142005
 07.06.2017
Why is the first letter of the sentence not in the headline? Where is the point at the end?
“Now I know who wrote ‘Hui’ in my entrance.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142004
 07.06.2017
One day I realized that in my past everything wasn’t so unambiguous.

I was with a girl at her parents’ house. We drank tea. Her brother joined us. We talked about childhood.

“I, by the way, noticed,” said my potential aunt, “that baby nicknames have a great impact on the child. We are out of Vitalika, - She nodded to my girlfriend's brother, - All childhood was called "Horse-Fire." He, you know, has always been so shy! He was always running everywhere. He is still active, unstable.

“And Katya, we’ve been calling ‘Puppet’ all the time,” said the prospective aunt, whispering at my girlfriend. What a beautiful woman has grown up. As a child, she was a beautiful doll.

I drank myself another tea.

I decided not to mention the fact that my dad lovingly called me a "cowboy" throughout my childhood.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142003
 07.06.2017
I go on the street. A couple are rushing forward. With a thunder and rage, a sports motorcycle is carried along the road. The girl turns her head to his side, then asks a friend:

and fucking. The motorcycles are so small. Why is it noiser than the car?
“It’s not the noise of a motorcycle, it’s the point of a motorcyclist.


[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142002
 07.06.2017
I never ate meat, in any form, just turned, only from one of its kinds. At the age of 14, I worked as a carrier on a food base, worked on equal terms with 30-year-old men, so I understood what a real job is. The next day I was served a sandwich with the cheapest sausage, I did not eat anything more delicious, I thought... now I rarely eat sausage...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142001
 07.06.2017
I myself recently felt like a grandmother when I went to the ATM to throw money on the card, and instead of the usual flat bill receiver, I opened up some huge vertical compartment, really huge. And inside there are no designations, special decor, holders, nothing at all, only different plastic details, which only aggravated the understanding of functionality. It all looked like I took off the cover of the ATM and looked into it.

In the head goes "No, it can not be that the money should be thrown here, how he will handle them, what a fucking thing". Then I wonder why he then opened this section to me, probably for money. I was not there, I throw a package there and... nothing happens. I felt like I was down, took the money and left. Then I thought that it was a compartment for money, and how to use it then. He returned, threw it again, this time the compartment was already closed and the money was paid. In short, a little shuddered from such a system, incomprehensible as working, and open for people to throw all the shit into the compartment.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142000
 07.06.2017
My daughter is one and a half years old, I ask how my father's name - #name, and how my mother's name - #name, and how my grandmother's name - #name, and so on. A normal, often repeated conversation. And here, just before going to bed, she lies and repeats monotonously: #name, #name, #name... Before that, it reminded Arya Stark that it was a little wrong.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141999
 07.06.2017
A British multi-millionaire farmer died of a heart attack after he was hit by a tractor in which his own dog was in the cabin. According to the source, the dog of the farmer jumped into the cabin of the tractor and accidentally struck the engine and also accidentally could move the lever of the transmission.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №141998
 07.06.2017
I remember how a female consultancy doctor advised me not to draw because it forms dark energy.

Fuck the fuck! (I want a Nobel Prize in Physics)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141997
 07.06.2017
I asked the name of the disease and questioned the fact that the lady gains weight with a calorie deficiency diet.
Every reaction in the body requires a strictly definite amount of substance and energy, each cell spends a strictly regulated amount of the same on breathing and metabolism. Slow metabolism is a myth. There is no and cannot be in the world with our laws of physics of the ability to add weight (even retain) with a lack of calories. Otherwise, they would have long developed hypereconomic engines on the principle of the fat girl, bringing you to Mars on a glass of gasoline.

You don’t think of one thing, sweetheart. With a serious and constant calorie shortage, the prudent body will initially minimize vital activity (to survive the hunger time somehow), and only then will start to eat the reserves. Thus e. Poor fat grandmother (I quote your ham statement) will not be able to go to work at first and will have difficulty getting even to the toilet, and only then will start to lose weight (at the same time the body will first eat the unnecessary muscles and only then will be taken for fat). It is unlikely that the girl sets the goal of becoming a thin ruin. Read about the effects of prolonged calorie deficit on health and the psyche (there were good studies during World War II) and calm down with your hunger.

[ + 32 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141996
 07.06.2017
From the discussion of social network Ukrainians
xxx: You can't add friends, you can't write messages...who needs such a social network?
I am introverted.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141995
 07.06.2017
Zzz: Tracing a bunch of textbooks for schoolchildren was invented by chance. In the future, if there was a war, they would not use a heavy PCM with ammunition.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141994
 07.06.2017
xxx: It’s uncomfortable to be at the doctor’s appointment, to see how he looks at the results of the examination and to read on his lips.
Yyy: It’s uncomfortable to be at the doctor’s office and see him googling a diagnosis.
Zzzz: I’ve had it recently. The traumatologist looked at the symptoms in Wikipedia.
Fuck, I was joking now. The hero...
xxx: >guglit >Wikipedia My friend ohuel when the pediatrician went for answers mail ro

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141993
 07.06.2017
They invited a childhood friend and their four-year-old daughter came with them. The girl brought an old hamster to "Homa’s grass". The hamster will not have time to enjoy freedom, as the corshun fell from the sky and took it away. The girl in rev. The parents try to calm her, say sorry for Hom and all that... And the girl is like this, crying through:
No wonder, he would have died soon. My grandfather and I had a funeral on Thursday.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №141992
 07.06.2017
There is no doubt that Android is eating a lot. Three hours a day on charge. I spend so much time in the kitchen. I immediately cling to him. Whatever it is, company. I often say machinewise:
Go to Havana, my friend!

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141991
 07.06.2017
90% of signatures filed against the renovation program in Moscow are invalid.
In fact, that’s all you need to know about making decisions in this country :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141990
 07.06.2017
To the shit about pension contributions and varied salaries.

Rules are set by the state. Wonder why the state did not establish the simplest rule: the employer gives the employee the agreed salary, the employee himself lists all taxes, fees and salary contributions? It would seem: the problem of "grey" is solved, it is unprofitable for the employer to underestimate - this is his expenses; who has not listed contributions - the fool himself and reduced his pension.

Answer: After a person received a salary and the state stood up with the demand of the majority - a person ceases to whisper about the chamber-director and begins to be very actively interested in where such a breakthrough to the state. And if all these amounts are shaken from the director - he, of course, will hide and minimize part, but will direct dissatisfaction to himself, not to the state.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141989
 07.06.2017
They usually think and feel in different places.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141988
 07.06.2017
The money is scarce, and the kids ask for ice cream. Okay, I’ll buy one brick, it’ll be divided into two.
At home, my husband is watching me break my shopping bag.
This is a good ice cream, I like it. You bought one, right? And the children?! to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141987
 07.06.2017
Putin came to the guess, and she said to him:
You only have one more summer to be president, and then you will not be re-elected.
“There will be no more summer,” Putin said.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141986
 07.06.2017
I was talking to a girl who decided to search for her happiness on a dating site. It complains:

xxx: I'm writing some unsuspecting)) I think maybe I'm too

yyy: This is the zoo there) Excellent on such sites)

I agree with you.....) how people get married and get acquainted on sites) I think it’s not real.

yyy: Funny that first wrote "to get married", and then already "to get acquainted") Very indicative, because often this is the case: a girl stumbles a guy in the ZAGS, and then it turns out that he goes to the woods with friends every weekend - training rollers or strike games) And it doesn't please her! But she was so focused on marriage that she forgot to meet her future husband properly.

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