I look in the mirror, I look at my ribs. Mom is next door.
I: Mom, why do I have no spaces between the ribs? The skeletons have them, but I don’t.
Mother: You will be

O_O

Broke documents on the computer. I asked for a complaint that I was asked to collect. I encountered one file with a modest name Complaint and interesting content. For the first couple of seconds I thought that "it’s really cool!!!", and a couple more that "I really sent THIS!?" Here is the text of the complaint:

Head of the OUFMS for the city of Moscow in JSC %username1% From %username2%

complaint

I complain about you. You are %d.

Number of
signed

NightSerfer: congratulatory card "Thank you for socks on February 23, dear" - 25 rubles on a MasterCard card, Apple sticker - 35 rubles on a MasterCard card, child plastic phone - 100 rubles on a MasterCard card, the face expression of this spider after unpacking "present" - invaluable

From Forum
And why the triple column taste better than the cocktails from the bottles.

By March 8th!

I wish you good health so that your breasts do not hang.
Somebody should do cunnilingus once a week for you!
Early in the morning, when you can’t wake up.
Let not the alarm clock, let it be cursed, and let the wild sex wake you up!

Your mouth smells of cat urine.
I am curious!

Our politicians are people of words, because nothing else can be expected from them except words.

to go!

Walked on Ikea. There was a picture: on the fire in a 200-litre barrel blows a red mask, and its hand-washed sticks fit a man in a telogreek...

My friend, you won’t believe.

With respect, ordinary Russian chemist-technologist.

There is a restaurant "Madjar" in Krasnodar. We were invited by friends to celebrate their silver anniversary. There are ten or twelve people at the table. Serves a boy, belted with fabric. It really is a maid.
In the midst of the feast, our waitress makes the face very mysterious and asks for attention. Everyone obediently pulls their necks to his side. Madyar gets three play bones from his pocket and tells that according to the old Hungarian custom, all visitors must throw bones. If anyone gets all three identical stones, he will receive a prize from the institution.
Interesting is. They dropped in turn. It’s time for my lady.
She scattered the cubes in the glass and... on the table. In the sight of the amazed audience, three people fell out. Our maidard scattered his eyes and fossilized. After an inappropriately decent pause, he smiled and went somewhere behind the scenes.
While he was absent, they drank for the success and began to guess - what would be as a prize. Finally, our massive caterpillar appeared. The look is too miserable. With a guilty smile, he stretched out his firm notepad for recording additional orders. He said that this is a prize, in memory of the establishment. Half of the pages have long been broken. The poor boy, in general, almost cried. But I felt more sorry for my satellite.
He stood up and went out like the wind. When the waiter passed by, he recalled him.
No one is ashamed, I ask. The guy replies that the administrator checked our order, considered it weak and forbidden to give anything. I gave him, prepared three hundred rubles, and ordered to bring, allegedly from the firm, a bottle.
Five minutes later, a smiling waitress appeared, announced that the notebook was just a joke and, with a solemn look, put on the table a cup of champagne. Everyone was friendly. To me, it was the most pleasant of all. But it became even more pleasant, when already on the exit, accompanying, the guy slowly gave me the money and said that they were told to be returned by the administrator.

Becoming a drug addict, an alcoholic and a jerk is very simple. Just walk around and not say hello to the grandmothers near the entrance.

From the Fire:
by GRAT:
A few days ago, I tried unsuccessfully to obtain Visa Aeroflot Sberbank. They insistently want to create a new account for me in the Aeroflot Bonus program and do not attach to the old one. I wrote to Aeroflot, this is how they replied: If the bank refuses you... you need to clarify their 3-letter refusal code.

I will go to the bank to ask for a three-letter refusal code. Even uncomfortable somehow.

Lingvo: no translation for "asus" maybe you meant anus, ass

I sit in a chair and drink tea.
KateWalker: the child is kidding nearby, the hand in my hair started and overtakes
KateWalker: grit, mom, what your hair is beautiful, soft, long
KateWalker: Will you give them to me when you die?
Owl: O_O
KateWalker: I’ve gotten a cup of tea.
KateWalker: Where did you go wrong in education, I don’t understand...

My first love was in kindergarten. I still remember her name and name, she was the daughter of a teacher.
You are a careerist! :)

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!
Don’t get rid of it, fucking shit!

Burger King has launched a campaign “Bring a Friend” on Facebook.For removing 10 friends, you can get a free burger.

Description of the camera:

"Jeb, Moscow, 08.05.2009
The S830 is full. I tried to use it many times during the year. Any batteries, no matter Durassel, Energizer or it is batteries, is enough for a maximum of 10 photos, and after each photo he writes "The battery is exhausted" and is cut off. Then turn on 100% charge. He took me shortly and I kicked him with a hammer. Who knows, maybe there was another way? Write to the mail."

XD is

Why are gay parades in Moscow, they are driven every day by Kutuzovsky.

SPACE: Who are the Black Knights?
Black Magicians - generally a rare name in oral speech of sorcerers, dark magicians (and so on).
Sponge Bob: Black Knights - African book publishers

Moral spasm: I stand in the hospital, in line in front of the office as usual. In front of me are three 10-year-old boys.
So, the new generation REALLY thinks that the veterans of the WOW are warcrafts.