bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121594
 09.12.2015
XXX: the piton was not only invented by the reptiles, but also named in their honor.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121593
 09.12.2015
The Wikipedia:

For two years, Histamina was the lover of the cavalry chief of the Chief of Staff Sheremetyev. There was a quarrel, and Histamina went to her girlfriend. On November 17, the provincial secretary of the College of Foreign Affairs and beginner writer A.S. Gryboedov, who had been friends with Sheremetyev, carried the ballerina "for tea" to another friend of his, Chamber Juncker Count A.P. Zavadovsky, with whom he shared an apartment in the capital. The ballerina stayed there for two days.

xxx all the time the same - twisting, two days fucking three

xxx a "two years was in love" - it's from 16 years old, it gets

XXX and now we are talking about the fall of morals.

But there is still in the continuation of the story - a fist of guns, glimpse over a deadly wounded cornean, and wound in the hand of the decorator.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121592
 09.12.2015
At work, a colleague returned from a vacation with a wonderful sunshine. Recalling his last year’s response about Egypt, I thought that in connection with the current events, the question of “where so burned” looks like a political provocation, and the answer, depending on the content, can be brought under betrayal to the Motherland.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №121591
 09.12.2015
Let it rise:

Continue to NAU:

There on the table.
The thick tail of a creature
This creature is called "COT"!

See it on the table.
Food remains
And the cat eats her, and the cat eats her.
And the cat will take her!

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №121590
 09.12.2015
(... )
The blade! How did you get it!! Krasnodar and Sochi, Gelendzhik, and other Anapas are also different cities!
P.S From Krasnodar to the sea at least 2 hours by car, and in the season of the resting " twice more.
P.P.S: Yes the evil cubanoid.

2 hours in the car is too long. From Kemerovo to Novosibirsk 4 hours and nothing - we ride for a weekend to the zoo there or sunbathing and swimming at the Obskoye water reservoir... in the ikey again... By the way, the Krasnoyarsk pillars are also a topic ;)
Moscovites try to cry too - I did the same thing before Sheremetyev from "Sokol" the last time.
P.S This is a good Siberian :)

...

The wicked wicked! Rate Khabarovsk, 9 hours by car to Vladivostok (yes, the nearest sea), on Friday evening - there, on Sunday at lunch - back. Are you weak?
P.S The Just Cosmopolitan (Chimki)

Dear poor car drivers! Two trains and two buses. 44 hours and I am in Crimea!
Z is. Ivanoid

In shoes, with a towel on the shoulder, exactly 3 minutes walk to the beach.
"Russian Republic of Kazakhstan"Russian Republic of Kazakhstan.

20 meters in any direction - and I am in the sea!
You are a ship mechanic.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121589
 09.12.2015
Stumon: The competition of startups resembles cartoons Bivis and Batthead - everywhere you can only hear "we will be given!"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121588
 09.12.2015
From the comments:
Denis1Gil >> Let me guess you are 2 meters tall and weigh under 100 kg?)
triplex35 >> 179 \ 83 :)
Keyten >> Oh you could? I just recently went to the FSB, I have not been taught much yet.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121587
 09.12.2015
I work in a children’s centre.
The doctors gave a mask on the child's face so that he could not infect others.
By the way, I ask with a smile: “Vlad, who are you with us: Sab-Ziro or Scorpion?”
Small after a second break: "I am a lamb"

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №121586
 09.12.2015
Today, a vigorous grandfather came to our office, who read somewhere that the working MRI tomograph was disrupting all the electronics and insisted on allowing him to stand next to the working apparatus, so that "all the injected chips burned and the government could no longer watch me!" Well, we made sure that he had no cardiostimulators and other magnetic implants and took him to the magnetic room, we are not sorry :) We launched a short Scano program so that the tomograph whispered for sight and in a couple of minutes the happy grandfather ran away, loudly thanks to the head of the department. Psychotherapeutic action is a big thing.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №121585
 09.12.2015
At work after inspection firefighters eliminate violations. In particular, weigh doors in several offices. Sound from the corridor.

Members of the Committee (energy):

It is urgent to run home and rest while the neighbor with the perforator is here!

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №121584
 09.12.2015
The “Basics of Programming”. Teacher: Don’t pay attention to this mistake, it’s done in Microsoft. Students: Maybe we misunderstood something? There are no stupid people sitting there. Teacher: I know what kind of people sit there. Five students went there.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121583
 09.12.2015
I, as a designer, sometimes after a working day, when I get a bottle from the refrigerator, I involuntarily want to carry an axial line through its hole...

[ + 10 - ] Comment quote №121582
 09.12.2015
Dress up, plizz, salad recipes without mayonnaise and eggs. My skills in this regard are limited to vinegret, vegetable slicing and a sauce salad.
yyy: Cucumbers, brinsas + tomatoes + tuna + sweet rye onions. Fertilizer - olive oil, vinegar by taste, peppermint and pumpkin seeds.
zzz: I got this cock out of my brain until I realized it was nick XD

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121581
 09.12.2015
In our country, the producers of goods live worse than the officials who only produce costs.
@Konaarm

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121580
 09.12.2015
This time I received very instructive documents. This is a long case (2000) and I was probably about 19. I was a young man and during the evening walk I lost a wallet with all the documents in the center. This is all Skopje. Driving, registration, student, passport and what is the most crazy - a technical passport for parental subscription. To say that I was worried is to say nothing. The session is already going, something even passed, in some of the universe's bodies can not get without a student, but about what to say to Daddy - I didn't even want to think. In the morning there is a call on the city phone - hello, I found your documents, I ask with horror - where to come? He said that he looked at the check in the passport, broke through the city number and himself will now come to the entrance. When asked what he should not answer, he hanged the phone.
I am a student, no money at all, I don’t know what to do, but I went down at the appointed time. There came a decently dressed man of middle age... Probably about 40, just gave me the papers and said to be more careful. He also told me that he showed me, a young man, how to act in the situation. So I said, if you find other people's things in your life, just give it to the master, as I gave it to you. It’s been 15 years and I always act like that. It was like paying back that debt to this wonderful man.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №121579
 09.12.2015
The dollar exceeded 70 rubles.
How did you get that stuff. Is there any news about the tiger?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121578
 09.12.2015
If we think at the universe level, we are not killing machines!
YYY is killed. With an extremely high CPA.
Evaluate: We sleep 8 hours, function twice as long, sometimes even three. Who else can boast like that?
Zzz: Giraffes sleep about 2 hours a day
kkk: Giraffes conquering other universes, ruthlessly destroying all intelligent races leaving behind only ashes :)

[ + 44 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121577
 09.12.2015
Do you know what differentiates the indigenous Moskvich from the native? Moskovich as a child was taught by his parents that in any public transport, the backpack should be removed.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121576
 09.12.2015
On the website title of the article:
"More than 77 thousand citizens will take part in sports events in Novoskovsk"

In the text of the article:
In Novoskovsk, 338 alcohol and physical activities will be held in flat sports facilities.

Now I know where so many participants come from.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121575
 09.12.2015
Cocacola Man: I don’t know how to formulate it, so it’s not strange. I was just bitten by a horse.
Where did you find the horse?
Cocacola Man: In the courtyard) I go out. And there, the horse.
Cocacola Man: Big Black
HHHHH: That is, you went out into the yard and there was a fucking horse standing there?
Cocacola Man: It is))))) Aunt lives across a couple of streets, there are private houses
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Cocacola Man: Yes. Brother came
HHHHHH: On the horse?
Cocacola Man: That is, not in the car. Not on a motorcycle. On the horse, the fucking.
Cocacola Man: I called my wife, I say look out the window
Look out the window and make sure that the 21st century is still behind the window.
Why did you go to the horse?
Cocacola Man: I asked my aunt to wait, I say we’ll eat your horse’s daughter with carrots.
% of “”))))))
Cocacola Man: Well he liked it, and I gave him a lot.
Cocacola Man: Bite a little. It does not hurt, but to boast that the horse bitten me now can
Cocacola Man: She and daughter even choked
HHHHH: Did the grandmother not have a spear?
Cocacola Man: There was no
Cocacola Man: The laptop was
With a laptop on a horse.
Cocacola Man: I’m writing and I understand, it’s strange 😉
Was a horse on a winter podkov? Dressed for winter? by %)))
Cocacola Man: I didn’t understand. I do not understand horses.
Cocacola Man: But in the turn, the spikes did not shrink like

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