bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111887
 09.04.2015
VVV: Shash killed simply
vvv: "We are looking for players
The cottage role-playing game based on Sailor Moon and other fighters requires players for the following roles.
vvv: I would never have thought that Seymour Moon was a militant.
VVV: But here you are...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111886
 09.04.2015
Study of foreign languages:

My grandfather in the 41st also only Russian and Turkish, and when he reached Berlin in the 45th calmly sprinkled in German.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111885
 09.04.2015
What a bad job on the street.
Here you are dealing with your business, you do not touch anyone, you do measurements, calculations, and it is at the moment when you need to be as focused as much as possible, some shit will surely stand behind and watch how you work. After a few minutes, apparently realizing that his presence is not irritating enough, he gets a cigarette, the same that he probably kept for forty years, specifically for such a moment. Any reception, without a filter, of course, and begins to release the most poisonous smoke in your direction, accompanied by a cough, in which chronic lung disease is easily recognized. While he smokes, his, completely empty skull box, is filled with an insurmountable desire to talk, and he asks a question from which Captain Evidence himself falls into despair: Do you work? Mmm... understand" But this is only the beginning. After all, in five minutes this character got to know Zen and became an expert in what you do. He begins to give advice... And it seems like you want to speak out, the words have already been picked up suitable, but no, you are an intelligent, and you have to chew away with dry, tasteless phrases, only to retard.
Maybe I don’t know anything about life. Probably, somewhere there is a school of fools, where specifically taught such... specimens. There is no other explanation for this phenomenon.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111884
 09.04.2015
History of "Oda to Professionals"
So many complaints about "Graduates of Universities and Academies" about ignorance of elementary things...
Dear, and tell me, the nasty, how fiercely your HRoches on their heels were drinking candidates without a promised "top"?
And where in the glorious city of Petrov to go to a man who will answer all of your tirade without hesitation, because he did all this and even a little in practice, received his money for it and fed his mother and himself, instead of sitting in the universe of the pants, pumping himself with obsolete knowledge?
You guys, knowledge and experience!
Please explain it to your HR.

Cat-admin, with a shredder under the mouse.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111883
 09.04.2015
A brown joke.

Uzer comes to Sisadmin and asks:
What is the difference between Win95 and Win98?
And he replied to him:
- In 95m of errors must be multiplied by 95, and in 98m - respectively by 98.
Uzer (dreamingly knocking his head into the ceiling):
Win 3.1 was so good, without mistakes.
and Sysadmin:
The idiot! This means that of the three users only one survived!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №111882
 09.04.2015
and no-no Money was not held in their hands. But it is you who will spend them properly for the future. and bet. and happiness. You swear. And you will also drive the same obscene ideas to justify yourself, "lightly". Something like: "I will only take 300,000, a million will not be lost". And you will even build for the rest. If you say that you are honest, the others are stealing. You just took a little, and the neighbor so caught 350,000! The thief!
The sofa imbeciles.
------------
Is it a pity that you do not all share your views on the budget?:D

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №111881
 09.04.2015
In a few centuries involved in religion talks on "Ateist")))

HH: It is your right.
You have a brain and God has given it to you. But you do not want to know God, you are proud, God does not punish the mindless, you have a brain, it is your choice – eternal gardens of paradise or eternal fire of hell. Think of it.

You have a brain, and Wicillopochtley gave it to you. But you do not want to pray to the sun, you do not want to sacrifice people to Him, you are proud. And it’s your choice – to go to Ketzalkoatl to heaven or the dark kingdom of Mistlan. Think of it.

zzz: You have a brain and the goddess of Freya has breathed a soul into it. But you don’t want to die in battle with a warrior call, you don’t want to beat the name of the torah on your tail, you’re proud. And it’s your choice to go to valhalla or niffel. Think of

ccc: Zeus gave you a brain, but you don’t want to recognize it and the entire Olympus, you’re proud. You will go into the underworld to Hades on the Styx River in the boat of Haron, and you will arrive there in eternal torments.

YYY: The Beer Chun gave you the mosque of аднаca. You are very proud of Amanda.

NN: Tao, what has given you the brain is not real Tao. You who are proud are not the real you.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111880
 09.04.2015
Corsa: This is a salmon tether
Guess at what request I finally found him.
Fintech to Egg?
Korsa: "the bird with the blowing goose" gave nothing
I give up)
Korsa: but here "bird with breasts" - right away!
fintar: it was supposed to be so called... a saltwater... scientists overwhelmed

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111879
 09.04.2015
seriously? Have you continued reading the person who writes "Millions"? Have you stopped answering him?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №111878
 09.04.2015
The T-Shirt, Aha

Why :
Thunderstorms for eternity.
disappearing in tanks or any other game of the strong half.
— — —
TP is you. A man has to think of the family and you are all toys. Are they still normal?
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Don’t be surprised if you’re called TPS. A married man, besides thinking about family, needs everything the same as a normal person of any gender - personal space and time.
It doesn’t matter, it’s Dancing or other computer toys, "with men in the garages", or a book on the couch/TV. This is a rest purely in the personal space, absolutely necessary. From the family, in particular.
In other words, a woman needs the same. Some hobby/hobby purely for relaxing alone. My wife loves to sew and modeling is engaged, for example, for this purpose. And I try not to bother her or pull her if she is busy with it, because she just wanted to rest.
And you are a typical saw, which is immediately bad, if the man is not loaded with what he "Oh my god", just decided to break up a couple of hours for an interesting activity.
P.S Yes, there are breaks. The "Game of Thrones" so called. They rarely get married.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111877
 09.04.2015
nnm-club, comment on the news about the next blocking of the site by Roskomnadzor:

ximik_mv: I got rid of the blockages by a rather barbaric method - moved to another country.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №111876
 09.04.2015
Comments to the photo of a baton of sausage with the inscription "Colbas will not solve your problems":

Nilian Gandzhubas: You ask me to solve your problems, but you ask without appetite. Gavayec: You don’t even call me meat.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111875
 09.04.2015
Whc: I think men in dresses should behave more modestly.
Or the public may notice that in the opposition of the church and the pedics, some men in dresses fight with others, and oppose them all.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111874
 09.04.2015
XHH: "What did you bring? I lived with a colleague during the holidays to feed her cat Kuzyu. It was a huge gray fighting beast that beat cats and dogs on the street all day, and when I came from work, he immediately appeared and ran wildly to see what I had in my package of foods, and while I opened the entrance door and then went up the stairs he jumped and swallowed his head into the bag and cried and checked everything. And one day I bought pellet in a pack and the cat just jumped onto the bag and through it and the box began to eat these pellet. I don't know how the owners lived with him, but I had a daily training with this Coase to stand up without a heart attack - I decided foolishly to take a bath, and the cat opened the door, jumped into the water and swam. In the apartment, I never knew where he would fall on me. And the last day he jumped to catch a bird through the balcony door and broke the glass. I just left the apartment before the owner arrived. and had to pay for glasses and an urgent master and grind it all. And I was surprised at first that the hostess has such cute friendly parents who are very helpful to the daughter, but for some reason do not look at the cat.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №111873
 09.04.2015
A terrible Moscow punishment. I go to the metro. Two mothers come in. One of them reports to his son: "Why do you behave like this? What disobedience is this? All of! Next time you’ll be in the car and you’ll be sitting in a traffic jamming!"
The child could see that he was scared.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №111872
 09.04.2015
Countess: People in the morning on drugs choked some. Everyone climbs, cuts, not even looking at the sides.
Anton: Ohum, too, with mat and nerve remnants got to work.
Countess: Sometimes I want to get out of the car and gently so mount to hit the mirrors, reversals and lights!! to
And then knock this same mounting in the driver’s glass, and if it doesn’t open, then it will break it, and say polently, “Well, no insults, but you don’t need them anyway, since you don’t use them.”
Anton: A great idea! After all, we are all polite people.)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111871
 09.04.2015
Xxx: On the parking lot near the office for half a year stands a black lexus hybrid with a broken door handle, the wheel is lowered, the number one is not, the other to the wall stands, the number of Moscow.

It would be strange that the luxury brand hasn’t moved anywhere for so long. Let me call you, let me check for theft. As a result, football, phones, where they do not take the phone, and if they take it, they respond so that it is clear - there is no desire to deal with it. I asked a friend of mine if I could do it, can you try it? No, because I need it, this is not my area, suddenly the truth in the robbery, as I explained later, why I broke it.. There is a friend in the headquarters, on the stealing part, the number recorded, but so nothing said, and the lexus continues to dust in the same place...

Thus e. In addition to the fact that many people are there in the shares, the rest just get rid of these stolen cars.

Zzz: leave a specific address...Yes, and don’t worry, we’ll help you.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111870
 09.04.2015
Andrei: The cat invented a car feed.
There is a bowl with meat and potatoes, the cloth lies on it, the cat has drowned the cloth in oil and lacks the oil that has leaked through the cloth.
Denis: You did not understand.
Your cat’s car feeder is named Andrew.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №111869
 09.04.2015
The father called from the village, where he took the brigade to build the house:
- Let the children put my boots in the bag, a man from the brigade will come and take.
Did Vanessa pick up your boots?
How uncomfortable it is to walk on two right. Let the left go. At least one.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111868
 09.04.2015
I work at home. All the postal service providers took the mode of calling me to the home phone to open the door to the entrance. When the cleaner called to pick up water in my apartment, my patience ended. Called the repairman from the home phone service, he resettled my apartment number (a dozen more, there are no such rooms in the entrance).
And the Alleluia! Long awaited silence. Thank you, dear man, you didn’t even take money from me!

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