bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №152080
 09.04.2019
Modern children will never understand this pain.

We watched the England-Nigeria match on TV.

If you added brightness, the national team of England disappeared.

If you reduced the brightness, the Nigeria national team disappeared.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №152079
 09.04.2019
Prepared the girl for physical control, straight from scratch. The girl was very intelligent, so the process was successful and a five was received for the control. At the next class she suddenly instead of the usual amount per class gets three (!) The big. She said, she asked my mother to thank me. I refused for 5 minutes, she didn’t. Take it, take it, you deserve it. Fuck him, I think. I had to run away, and it wasn’t that bad. But there was something inside that stirred doubts. And not in vain.

The next day, the girl came with her mother. As you can see, not in the best mood.

and good night. Explain, by what right do you demand money from my child?

In general, the girl was so happy with the five that she really wanted to thank me and didn't come up with anything better than pulling money from her mother's bag. But the courage to admit it was not enough. That is gratitude.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №152078
 09.04.2019
The people are also against changing the articles of the Constitution on rights and freedoms, even if they exist at least on paper.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №152077
 09.04.2019
I was 4 years old when my grandfather brought a puppy. He was all red and we called him Red. After that, it was a problem to drive me home, and if allowed, I would spend the night with him in the cabin.
I don't know what breed it was, but after 2 years, the Redhead grew up into a large, but not a wicked dog. I took him out without problems. He did not pay attention to the cats, and the bicycles followed with a sad look.
We walked out of the street into the forest. When they broke up, the Redhead ran from one to the other with a joyful whisper, as if warning no one to get lost.
In the winter we played snow. In the summer, he tried to catch the snow. And when he succeeded, he laughingly shrugged his head and whirled.
In the summer we went to the river. Rosic, swimming, lay on the suburb and laying his head on his legs, watched us. There we, from the bricks and a piece of iron plates brought, made a stove. On which they roasted crushed potatoes and bread. Then the red man sat next to him and waited for his share.
At the age of 12, my parents sent me to a pioneer camp. During the weekend they came to visit me. From the back door of the car jumped a red car. He dropped me to the ground, licking my face and hands.
Then we sat down and ate my grandmother’s cake.
To say goodbye, I waved my hand for a long time until the car was hiding behind the turn, and Ryzhik looked through the rear glass.
When his grandfather died, Rushik went to his booth and did not go out for three days. When he came out, I saw that he was grey.
By my 10th grade, Ryzhik no longer went with us into the woods, did not play in the snow. On the river he no longer swam, but lying on a hill, laying his head on his legs, dreamed.
After school I went to the institute. To say goodbye, I hugged Red and promised to come back. I looked around at the crossroads. The red man was sitting next to the roof and staring at me.
In the winter, after the session, I came home. The red man met me next to the cottage, as if he was not leaving. I hugged him and went home. I sat on the doorstep, and the Redhead sat next to me, laying his head on my knees. I smoothed him and told him about the institute, about communion. After a while the door of the house opened. My father went out, but when he saw me with the Redhead, he entered the house. Soon the red rose up. He licked me in the cheek with a dry and rough tongue and walked to his booth.
The next day we buried him in his favourite cave.
In the spring, the father planted a cedar plant in this place.
Cedar grew big and powerful. And now, when I come here with my grandchildren, he welcomes me with his feet.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №152076
 09.04.2019
After the state Duma adopted the law on respect for power, entomologists, for the case, changed their mind to publish the book "Bloodsucking parasites of Russia".

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №152075
 09.04.2019
Dress up after the gym, dress up such all pumped guys (most). There is a knock at the door and a girl’s voice (presumably a cleaner): “Are there naked people?” Looking around, they are all dressed. We answer “No.” At the door, disappointed, “Aaaah, sorry,” and left.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №152074
 09.04.2019
I was not allowed to go in the elevator. We enter the entrance with a goose, I am in front, she is behind, speaks on the phone. I called the elevator, I went into the cabin - the girl was lost somewhere. I decided to go on foot, maybe not enough. I press the button of my floor, the doors close - and open. But there is no one there. I thought, Gluck some with the technique - I press my floor again, the doors close and open. What is it?



I look like this lady is standing on the left of the elevator, ticking the phone and pressing the call button as soon as the door closes. I ask what it is and if she will go. She moves her head “Yes,” continues to speak, but does not enter the cabin. I wait, the doors close again, she presses the button, they open. I’m starting to crack down because of this incomprehensible circus, but I say polently that I either go in or don’t touch the button. And then she says with outrage that she needs to arrange by phone, and in the elevator the phone does not catch! There is no noise here, she has an important conversation!



I have to admit, I was somewhat upset by this arrogance. I say, “And what, I’ll wait for you now, right? “” In this format, it was somehow better than “you” and “be kind,” I pulled off the button and I finally got home.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №152073
 09.04.2019
I was in a small office today, buying small things for repairs. On the stand between the buyer and the managers is an open transparent box from the category "collect employees at sea / coffee / vacation / cookies". It contains a few pieces, a few hundred and a few fifty. In front of me a man is paid, the sum of 7 or 8 thousand and 40 rubles. He counts the bills and, with the words, "Oh, and I have no small ones," gets out of this box a fifty ruble note and adds to his own. In the eyes of the sellers and buyers, he tried to say that, say, it is not your money anyway.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №152072
 09.04.2019
xxx: You can earn good on construction, and on the position of a programmer, and you can work there and there for a salary, sometimes small. A clear example of this is my wife and I, both programmers, the income difference at the moment is 4 times.

Yyy: Well, you don’t get upset, with time and experience you will catch up with your wife.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna