Due to the celebration of the Day of Russia in St. Petersburg will extend the operation of night buses.

First comment (likes more than news): Well, at least you don’t have to walk from the department to go home

AliExpress package tracker (17track) offers to translate the information about the passage of the package from its Chinese into several common languages.
And in Klingon.
I have everything.

It was a post about experimental materials and the selection of the city...

So then...

If the announcement says:
Fresh and good air, environmentally clean place.
It should be read:
- Located in the area "The Farest Fucking". Transport does not go there, there is no road and it is not foreseeable. Electricity on holidays.

If the announcement says:
Plain area, resting and fertile land.
It should be read:
It grows, it grows, it grows, it grows all that is possible. After six months of purchase, you will only crawl and dig.

If the announcement says:
A small old house where you can rest and spend the night.
It should be read:
- On the site is a semi-rotted barrel meter per meter of shit and sticks, to which it is scary to approach closer than 2 meters under the fear of collapse.

If the announcement says:
A quiet place, far from the noisy road.
It should be read:
Theft in the villages is such that even shit will be pulled out of the sort, not to mention the harvest. All the bombs in the district will be yours.

A few days ago, my aunt, an ophthalmologist, told me one story. Further from his words.

“It was in the mid-1990s. Patients from the North Caucasus were often brought to the clinic. One of them needed a corneal transplant. I started telling the accompanying about the operation, that there is a line, you need to wait for the donor material. At this point, I am interrupted by one of the accompanyers:

Do you need an eye? If it’s in 3-4 hours, okay?”

A friend told how he decided to change the place of work, made a portfolio posted on the site for job search. One day, a girl calls him, appears to be the manager of the company's recruitment, and asks: (D) - a girl (Z)-known

Why did you decide to change workplace?

c) Not satisfying wages

Q. What salary do you expect?

(C) - (called the number)

I understand you, we will call you back.

and not having time to deliver the phone to the phone shoots: "Oh*el what" pi pi pi.

XX: I’m like a homofob (I participate either, and you do what you want) I want to ask. Why do I think my ass can be gay? I’m not reacting to every girl’s ass.

ZZ: It is a secret desire of the latent homosexuals, who are the most fierce homophobes. They would be happy to go and go, but their upbringing and surroundings tell them that this is how to be a fofu. Therefore, they hate themselves for this drive, and spit it out on the ordinary rear-wheel drive, which is not necessarily at all in their direction at least once looked.

I guess the crossword.
aaa: Four letters, first Z, last A.
Tagged with: jope!! to
Green and jumping.

I’m in the movie and the trailers are coming. The next video ends with a pathos: "If we be defeated, the Earth will become... (theatrical pause) planet of monkeys"
From all sides a quiet unstructured rust: "And now isn’t it?"

The doctor throws me into the barocamera with the words: Go! and the man near (also in the barocamera): Goodbye, earth!

xxx: this workshop will work in at least six months

YYY: said 30 will give up, but it is a fairy stem

YYY: In this enterprise the machine hanged for two weeks on the crane bar, guess why? Right, she raised the machine and broke!!!! to

XXX: The whole thing

Yesterday my husband and I decided to try the art connection.
WOW: And how then?
HH: And not at all. I played with the cat ropes all night =(

We were hired by a lawyer.

Naturally, she needed a new computer with everything attached. The head talks: buy the easiest, for writing text and work on the Internet, thousands at 9 for the system block, and order it personally at the company N where it has a backbone.

They bring in a week.

I unpack, turn on, and here the writing machine and does not smell!

The Core Duo 2. 66, 8800GT, 2 gigas 800th memory, 500GB screw, Asus P5KR.

Nifga himself, I think, the boss got the retreat.

I get an honestly disassembled disk with a screw, plug into the computer, bet WinXP. And no, 79% of the installation began to send somewhere away. I reboot, write - no screw. Fun, I think, a new computer and immediately problems, I wanted to take in the warranty, but I thought, I was an engineer or where?

I open, the fan on the video card is all in dust. It saddened me, I was seen standing on the window for a long time. Replaced the shelf, everything worked, broke the screw, formatted, put the system. There is a call from the company N: "We mistakenly gave you the wrong computer, return it!"

I come to the office, the seller wildly apologizes and says that the computer was brought for repair. Nothing, I say, I have already repaired it and even installed the system! The seller grabs his head with the words, “This computer was brought by a accountant, and there was a database!”

and oh.

I live with my grandmother in an apartment. When I go to work, I don’t lock the door, I don’t take the keys either. When I come in, the door is still open, the grandmother usually doesn’t come out. Yesterday I came from work, the door to the castle was closed. I knock, no one opens. My grandmother is silent. Maybe she went to the store. He went down to the entrance, sat down on the bench, smoked. Then something pushed me to go and call my grandmother. Our windows are on the opposite side of the courtyard, the second floor. I walked around the house, and there was this picture: some dwarf old man climbing through our window to the street. Grandmother holds it, indicating how to put the foot on the cradle. In short, the grandfather barely slipped to the ground, grabbed his cap, shouted something like, "Tomorrow I'll come early!" and went away. At that time, I stood behind the corner. I waited a few minutes and went home. The door was opened, the grandmother pretended to be asleep, and out of the corner of the room was a hidden modest bouquet of flowers.

Video of chasing the fox for the chicken:

Xhx: You grind your grain, you don’t touch anyone here, the red runs. And the marathon begins.The chicken respect stood until the end. If our players were to run too.

YYY: Well, they would let a lion in the field, maybe they would run. Other footballers are sorry.

Zzzz: I'm sorry the lion will suddenly drown?

The lions do not eat barley. Boobs should be put on the field. Foreign players are fine.

The conscience is no longer bite, but still bite.

I read the story about lice and remembered a funny case on a similar topic. Soon I dropped it as a comment, and it was immediately responded by several people who offered me to rework this story and send it to the main, let someone else laugh. I fulfill your wishes, read for health.
One day a friend calls me and complains, he is said to have been rewarded in a business trip by some shabold with whiskers, as a result of which he has been itching for three days, without removing his hands from the pockets of his pants. He doesn’t really want to go to the skin dishwasher, because he is, although small, but the boss, and let no god see him there someone of his subordinates. He says:
- You have a classmate there working, talk to him, maybe he will take me home?
I called my classmate, mycologist. A classmate, a very kind man, says funnyly:
No problem, come here now.
We come. In the courtyard summer, a weekend, the doctor and his brother sit on the veranda of the house, playing cards under a cognac with a lemon. Presents a friend:
“Here is he who has suffered from love, help him, Comrade Hippocrates.
It is, he says, very easy.
He took the patient into the summer shower, looked, went out, laughed:
Not shit, it’s shit at all. You can, of course, prescribe you ointment or shampoo from parasites, but then you will have to first run through the pharmacies until you find it, then spend it, then a few days to apply it all, and also shave it all naked there. And then you will scratch for another month until it grows. We will do differently. The method is proven, although if I applied it in my department, I could easily be expelled from work. So decide yourself.
A friend agrees, he is petty, only to stop itching soon in an intimate place. Then the doctor takes the scissors and a large plastic bag (on which, as I for some reason remembered, was depicted a seductive female pop in jeans), cuts out of this pack some parody on the cowards, only with a small hole in front. He gives these improvised cowards to the sufferer and says:
- Go to the shower, take a day, put this structure first on the naked body, on it from above the cowards, dress up and come. The most important thing is not to forget to push the pitch into this hole, or the drug is toxic, irritation on the head is guaranteed.
Then he cuts off a piece from the roll of the lipstick, cuts it out with a circle and gives it to a friend.
Why is this yet?
“And that,” he says, “to you to stick a point. You only have to endure for half an hour, not shoot.
My brother and I sit down. Of course we have fun, not on our own cocks crawl these cute six-legged crabs.
The friend went, did everything as the doctor said, returns. The doctor stands up, takes a bottle of the most usual dichlophos, amusedly pulls his trial person in front of his pants and squeaks him a couple of times straight into his pants. Then open it and repeat the same procedure on the back side. A friend in the face of misunderstanding and even somewhere distrust, but is patient, once it has come. Everyone, except him, is happy and excited.
"All," says the doctor, "now take half an hour, and while you sit down with us, we will drink a drink and we will have time to break over.
I watched my clock anxiously for half an hour.
Half an hour has passed, what can I do next?
The squirrel stands up and solemnly says:
“And now the most important part of our treatment is just beginning, and everything needs to be done exactly as I’m going to show you.
He stands up, places his legs wider on his shoulders, while also bending them in his knees, and throws the body back as far as possible so as not to fall. Standing in such a completely ridiculous posture, he clamps himself with both palms along the area of the forehead, and without even leading his eyebrows, in full seriousness gives out:
- You get exactly as I showed, and without changing your posture, you knock yourself on the eggs exactly thirty times, neither more nor less. Most importantly, don’t get rid of the account.
The friend, already completely without understanding anything, obediently takes the given posture, and almost turning back, begins to knock in good faith, as shown to him, while also counting out loud. The doctor looks at him with a serious look and sometimes makes remarks, such as "the shoulder should be back steeper", or "the shoulder should be slimmer, with a stretch off", and such nonsense. We, the spectators, naturally rush, holding onto the stomach.
From all this description of me, somebody might think that my friend is just a half-fool. In fact, he graduated from the prestigious (and one of the most difficult) capital universities with a red diploma. I don't know, maybe this unexpected trouble affected him so much, drowned for a while. Or maybe just the person deliberately turned off his brains and decided for himself: the doctor knows what he says, and my business is stupid to obey.
When he finally honoured all thirty times, the doctor announced:
Congratulations, the treatment is over. Now hold the towel and immediately run into the shower to wash the dichlofos. Therapeutic trousers in the garbage bowl, eggs and ass wash properly with soap. For now, we’re going to get into the cards.
When a friend got out of his soul and joined us, he couldn’t believe that everything turned out to be so incredibly simple and ended so quickly. Is he now a normal person again and he doesn’t have to keep his hands in his pockets all the time, and then scratching his mouth? After a little bit of feeling, he finally asked:
I can’t catch it, but why should I knock? Why this position and why exactly thirty times? Oh I guessed! Let these dead creatures fall into cowards.
In fact, you would have washed well in the shower. Don’t get offended, you just want to crack.

By the way, the method proved effective, a friend later said that the ugly insects disappeared immediately and forever.

We have no time to read Pushkin - we are proud of them!

A friend told me, by his words. A friend in the mixing office for the sake of the prefix on the monitor (in the packaging) - I was given a girl internship, in a load. I put it in my pocket and forgot it. That is the preface.

This is what happened. My wife takes me on a business trip.

Where are the tickets?

In the pocket.

is exactly?

It touches my pocket and changes in my face.

Is it a condom? Why is he with you?

I think of the rubber and I also change my face. Feeling the sweat rolling on my back, I shake my hand out of my pocket... a bag of tea. It was in another jacket.

One of the big problems of electronic gadgets in general and e-books as a replacement for textbooks in particular is their reliability.
Paper textbook from the party will fall, what will happen to him? In the worst case, a couple of pages will break, but they can be glued.
And the electronic book? Luckily - will survive, not lucky - buy a new one.
How long does an electronic book last?

Okay, we remember that children love to get angry, fight backpacks and so on. Will the electronics withstand it? Were you kids in your childhood?

You need to buy protected equipment. and durable. Which, accordingly, is more expensive. Sometimes several times. Will her battery fall out?

The horror of our electronic age is that the most reliable medium of information is still paper.

I have a new selfie! Such a shrimp! to shrink! And on the stone asphalt - byrprlbyerdrpyirpr!