The Best First Dates 2





All the time he told me about the OSCILOGRAF C1-350!!!!! I first hinted that I wasn’t interested, and after half an hour I picked up that I didn’t understand and needed to change the subject. She replied, “I’ll draw a scheme for you now, and you’ll understand it.” I started drawing the scheme...

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Two phrases of the day I still remember: "Hey, how strong, slim and beautiful I am, it is that, you would have seen me a year ago... Before the course of treatment for PTSD, this chemistry struck me very much, then I was generally MACHO!" Or “I don’t drink at all, I’m like that!” And if I try, drink for a month.”

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It was in the early 90s. I go with the MCH in Moscow, spring, I am a tall cute girl, the MCH goes barefoot in a fashionable "barren" jeans suit. Passengers look at us with interest. And suddenly he said to me with disappointment in the voice: “A look at you...” He did not survive, poor man)

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I was asked to take a banana on the third minute of the date. The direct text.

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He drives me. At the entrance suddenly catches my hand (I thought I could kiss - romantic, well, or at least hug) and suddenly swings into the shorts. I: “What is it?” He said, “Masha, it’s a member” I said, “I’ve understood that a member, but what does it do in my hand?”

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The first two minutes of that evening went as well as possible: we met in the cafe, I ordered a dessert, we discussed the weather (in Peter there is always something to talk about). But at the third minute he asked me what kind of music I liked. I recently went to an organ music concert. There was an organ and a violin, I burned with admiration. It was amazing!” My interlocutor’s face changed instantly. “Do you know that these are devil’s tools?“He threatened me.

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They met, walked all day and could not talk. I think my own. at last. I conducted. After a while, a text message comes from him: “You’re very cute. “Let’s meet again, you’ll be with me.” I, after all, did not silence, but sent so well - far and long. Two weeks later, he sent a text message saying, “Well, I’m waiting for you in the subway” or “You think, think, I’m patient.”

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He began to tell something like, "How would I like to lie in a black tomb, around candles and red roses, and you are so beautiful, all in black and in tears..."

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The terrible apartment of an old single man, the terrible soluble coffee and his nightmarish stories on a production theme from the accountant's life. But it all shattered the final. I naturally, uninspired by such a cavalier, rushed to suck his wings and... He asked me to take him! Yes, I’m driving – but it’s not a reason to use me as a taxi! Uncle felt that the girl broke up, went out of the pit: he told how he once had a date with an internet acquaintance during which he was sexually exploited and all, say. And, say, he agrees, he’s ready – I can use him too. He looks so expectant.

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He begins to appeal to visit his mansion and... the phrase that killed me: “Well, I liked you, so why do you refuse?” I tell him that I have the opposite information. Then a pause, and a quick offer from him, not to tell his mother about the case, so as not to upset her.

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On the first date: “Women look at my face and decide not to contact me...” I: “What about your face?” He said, “Well, I’m beautiful...” He was serious! I thought it would follow. When he said, "I am more beautiful," he was horribly offended, turned and left.

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He smashed my eyes, said I was absolutely nothing, offered to take a taxi, go to him, try his cloth. I’m, of course, a risky and complex-free girl, but I don’t think it’s the best topic for a conversation on a first date, as is the story of how he shed blood on one lady and she cried, “Another!”

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After the movie, he wrote, "Well, I spent on the movie, now you are mine." I thought it was a joke, but it turned out not.

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Standing at the bench, I was licking something, saying not for your wife, so there was such entertainment. He smiled at me and said, no, it was okay at first. But he needs it every day, two or three times, and it is anal... The wife did not stand and left. She jokes with her ex. The main thing is that we met with him and he knows for sure that we will have a complete idyll with him... I woke up, imagining a flashy family happiness. Our farewell was quick and quick. I talked about “I’ll call you” and “We’ll see you again.” Fortunately, I did not have to see you again. Although the first time I came out of the entrance, looking dangerously around the side. Little, this is how you stumble at the bench, and the fate will come to you from behind.

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He was constantly saying that I had cheeks like a bobber, and clearly thought it was a compliment he was saying, although he was much more like a bobber!

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A poet, a musician, interested in literature and painting, sent me his works while we communicated on the Internet. He caught me with unexpectedly deep reasoning and experiences, such a subtle nature in our cynical world... During an evening walk in the park he said that I also liked him and inspired him to create a new work. I wondered what it was. Then he wheeled the shirt's sleeve and showed his hand - my pretty long name was cut with a blade on it! The blood dried carefully, apparently he did it the day before the meeting.

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In the winter I met a guy who thought he was the reincarnation of Odin, the same mythical god. I told everyone about it in a row, and he told me secretly that in the summer he was going to tie himself to a tree for further enlightenment. Since that meeting we have not seen each other again, because the thought that I could find him somewhere in the park adjacent to the berry has had a comic-fatal effect on our relationship.

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One of his replies is enough to tell all about this date: “Well, we’re all talking about me and about me. Let’s talk about cars.” No, it is better not to. Have you started and can’t stop? God, it was such a boring date that I was ready to forge myself a glass of ice cream eye, only to get out of there, even on an ambulance!

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And led on a romantic walk along the road to the oak under -30. After two hours of such a walk, he led me to warm up. I have already set up for a café, well, at least for a fast food restaurant. However, we came to his entrance, climbed up to the upper floor. He kept silent, and in order to support our loud conversation, I began to make fun of the verses written on the walls, such as: "My angel, my heavenly has brought us a wonderful occasion, and I love you bitterly like a flame." A few minutes later, he smiled at me and said that inspired by me, he wrote this for me all night, and then ran away. However, when I got home, he began to write me ardent messages and promise to nurture in me a taste for true art.

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We came home to him and started kissing, lying on the bed. He struck me in different places. When I asked what he was doing, he got a little confused and said, "Sorry, I don't know, I'm just used to doing this when I share a bed with someone," he continued, "Well, there, with my mom or sister, you know?"

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A scream came out of the room. It turned out that she just came home after the shift, entered my room and saw my computer boy standing in the middle of the room completely naked. On my silent question, he said he read somewhere that this technique works in 30 percent of cases and he was just obliged to try it. Not recovering until the end of the shock, I asked him to leave. Instead, he, without clothes, sat down in a chair and continued to work with the computer. In general, they had to call the men who lived in the neighboring apartments to help carry him up the staircase cage.

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In the end, he turned out to be such a fool!!! What was in our Omsk, in the darkness, and it was hard to go with him.

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When I sat down to him, I noticed that the table was covered on three. On my silent question, he replied that he had to wait for the opponent. I was surprised and asked him again. "Well, I've met you and another girl, but I can't decide who I deserve. So I decided to make a competition between you – you will fight for me.”

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A minute later he calls again with a murderous argument: "My sister has come to me, wants to spend a night of love with us three!"

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The first half of the date at the whole cafe told what he soon had surgery on the penis and what exactly there would be done. The second was an oral to the waitress that she gave him 2 rubles. I have never been so ashamed.

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He drove for two hours in the rain through the city and the market, choosing coffee for his mother, whom he always listened to and who advised him on the first date to put on that crumbling jacket and a hat. Then he got the umbrella with the spikes and began to hold it over himself, his beloved. Then I was told that His Majesty (and his mother) wanted to marry only a virgin, and it would be necessary to verify it somewhere before starting a serious relationship. Well, then I was really like that and fit the Shining Count, but living with this uncle (and his mother) would be incompatible with my mental health. Then I thought it would not be worse. Not a figured! With others on the first dates, we took the pile from the former wives, made a promenade in front of the store with an excessively proud saleswoman, who has been named for too long before my caretaker, gave me a flower from the bench, and in exchange asked to live at my house for some six months, because they were expelled from work, and the parents do not want to tolerate the son-idiot.

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He looked like a representative of famous minorities, even on a date led to... a shopping center (where he showed me "glamorous" things that he just needed and introduced me to the subtlety of his style). Then I listened to a long monologue about the fact that he does not want to work (he has an older brother), in girls appreciates the size of the bust, and I just need to visit his stylist ("something you are not glamorous").

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On the first date, the guy said he felt like he had known me all his life and began to bite my hand.

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And he looks so quietly and for a long time, and then as he smiles, his finger shuts off his left eye, and says to me, "Look! I have an eye!! “They are!”

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Everything in this city is left behind, except him.

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And here it comes out. A small, dry, completely bald old man, under 70 years old (I’m not joking!). Apparently, my jaw was so ripped off, because the grandfather rushed to explain that the photo sent was not him (and there were direct doubts), but his... son. To say, the son is like him, so I wonder how beautiful he was in his youth. My grandfather was delighted that I could order what I wanted for lunch. He has a discount by age (there are discounted retirees). I am still in shock, but the thought flaps that the men from work to play me so decided and now grandfather will say that all this is a joke, no - really grandfather is looking for a wife, definitely Russian, because. I heard that the Russians very good husbands and husbands soften at the first request. Next is more. His grandfather had cancer, but he recovered, divorced his wife after 45 years of living together and decided to start life again. I spoke on the internet with a girl from Ukraine, but she for some reason stopped communicating with him after the first Skype call (aga, also surprisingly). His grandchildren are a little younger than me. Viagra honey insurance covers, so there will be no problems with sex. He no longer wants children because he did not freeze sperm before chemotherapy and radiation, and he does not want patients to do anything. In short, a very jealous bridegroom, and I liked him so much that he is ready to start preparing for the wedding.