Byl (actually in case of self-isolation)
We lost our radio. When he lost, he left himself. He gathered all the video cassettes on the steamboat into a large plastic box and went to exchange films for the neighboring forest car. There, a radio agent found his friend - a one-handed man in Makarovka. They celebrated their meeting with drunkenness, and in the early morning the forest truck finished loading and went out into the sea, bringing our radio operator and a box with cassettes. Overall: on one steamboat there were two radiists - and on the other no one.
Fortunately, the twenty-first century has already come and the lost radiist carried a ritual function on the steamboat, fulfilling the requirements of international conventions. Today, a radiant on a ship is a profession that has almost gone into history, such as a goldsmith with a deputy or a forerunner with a lighthouse. Indeed, why carry and feed a specialist with a salary, a stock of products and a personal seat in the rescue boat, if every sailor has a mobile phone and a pair of satellite phones on the bridge. Plus the internet.
Once upon a time, we had the first captain’s assistant with a massive “Ukraine” cinematic apparatus, film drums and a ship library. Zampolit disappeared along with the Soviet Union, “Ukraine” and books. The library was equipped with a gym, and the cinema apparatus was replaced with a video magnetophone. The ship's doctor was cut down a little later, after the next financial crisis, and on the deck was drawn a circle with the letter "N" in the middle and, in emergencies, advised to call a helicopter.
The captain did not report the loss of a crew member in sailing (we did not have a radio). Therefore, the next two months we caught the insidious forestry across all of Europe’s ports to return the “lost lamb” and restore the “status quo”.
Suddenly it was discovered that there was only one cassette left on the steamboat, which the radiist forgot in the video magnetophone. It was the movie “Kin-za-za!”, which countless times reviewed the entire crew and, of course, disassembled in quotes. Everyone on the ship, unnoticed by themselves, spoke a mixture of "Chatlan-Patsak language" with marine Russian spoken. The phrase: "Chattlanin told the Ecyloope to send the puppy to the gravitaceous tank to spin" could, depending on the context, mean: "the master ordered the Bothman to send a sailor to check the performance of the brachpile" or "the starmeh instructed the watch mechanic to assign a motorist to clean the filter of the nasal ballast pump."
Finally, two months later, an untouchable forest truck, a drunk radio driver and a box of cassettes were caught in the port of Malmö. The master, as a knowledgeable of marine traditions, expressed "to this lamb" many familiar and unfamiliar, for the radiest of words and expressions, reinforcing his monologue with active gestures. And the next day the trembling radiist understood: "something is wrong!" that is, he clearly captured with his trained ear individual sounds, and sometimes even entire words of his native language, but the meaning of what was said constantly escaped from his understanding. For example: on the offer of a botzman to borrow that "chat" the radiist did not know what to borrow. The announcement of the watchdog assailant on the general court broadcast: "Attention, on board the yellow pants, all twice ku!" brought the poor radio player into sacred horror. And when the cock in the smoking room asked for "kz", the frightened radioist for some reason decided that he would now become a victim of the "energy vampire".
Recalling the phrase from the children's cartoon that "they go crazy alone, it's just the flu they all get sick together" the radiist concluded logically: "everything! “I drove a cockpit, and I couldn’t get all the crew mad at the same time.” The team also began to notice that the returned colleague behaves somehow inadequately, does not always understand simple questions, asks obvious things and gets confused in words. And when he went to surrender to the master, acknowledging his disturbance, it turned out that the crew and the radiist's opinions about the mental state of the latter were entirely the same. There was only one thing needed - to clarify the diagnosis.
They gathered a consilium of the ship from the captain, the commander and the radio operator. For a long time, we decided exactly where the roof went. There were two possible options, however, as is appropriate with every decent consilium. The master, referring to his own experience, assumed a slight temporary dementia against the background of unwavering drunkenness and said that nothing terrible, and with this people live, and walk in the sea, and even become captains. Starpom, who was proud that he was the only person on board who not only watched but also read “Master and Margarita,” assured: “It’s schizophrenia, as it was said.” The radiologist frightenedly agreed to both diagnoses. He then demanded that the helicopter be immediately called and delivered to the shore for a full medical examination. The master replied, “You won’t have a Cinderella, we are now in anti-temptation. In two days we will go to the cat for the rainbow. There we will give you to the local ethylopes, and while you isolate yourself in the ethic, you are suddenly contagious." “Or ‘you’ll get worried’ – supported the captain with a start. At the end of the consilium, the radio operator was locked in the cabin and reclaimed all his alcoholic beverages.
Without alcohol, the isolated became very sad. He decided to see a movie and found only one film he had not seen yet.
After an hour and a half, the radio operator called the starp and, squeezing from excitement, said: "I can be quarantined, I am now learning the Chattlan-Patsak language." “The worsening has begun and the patient is getting anxious,” the starter understood. Having taken with him a botzman, a wire wheel and a straw, Starpom decided to strengthen measures of self-isolation until the complete fixation of the patient.
After opening the cabin, they saw that the radio operator put a video magnetophone in a pause and feverishly rewrites the "chattlano-patsak language dictionary" from the TV screen to himself in a notebook. Starpom looked at the screen and shockedly asked, "How have you managed in so many years so never to see this movie?“!”