A suspicious person.
The first day of my military life. We, the newcomers, were only fed, washed in the bathroom and changed clothes. After all, we, 40 people, found ourselves in Lenin’s room. We sit, quietly looking at the dude with the pursuit of the major, who hurries with the eyes of each of us in turn. Five minutes later, he started:
– I congratulate you, comrades, on your arrival in our glorious bla, bla,
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
and bla.
Now to the case. You will have a bath once a week. After the bath, the soldier is given a choice - either a bottle of beer - 500 ml, or chocolate - 100 grams. Selection of military personnel.
The audiences were noticeably revived.
Stop the conversations! Stand up humbly! Sit up freely. So I will continue.
Here is before me the vendetta of your third company, to the satisfaction of beer and
The chocolate. Sergeant Vatrushkin
A sergeant entered the room.
Bring a pleasure from the capsicum.
A minute later, the sergeant drinks a box of beer with a cardboard box of chocolate "Alenka". We all shouted with one eye.
So I’ll call your name, you say “I” and you call that you’re.
You want to get on the day of the bath: beer or chocolate.
While the turn went to my surname, I thought - what to choose: On the one hand, I have never drunk alcohol in my life, neither before nor after, so I did not need beer, but on the other hand, I can from the bar shoulder, give my bottle to comrades, for the same chocolate from the tea room.
On the third side, today they buy me chocolate, and tomorrow they won’t have time, I won’t crack and still give them my beer, but I’ll stay without “Alenka”. But from the fourth...
Major named my name.
and I! I choose chocolate.
There was silence in the room, as if I had said something unworthy.
Comrade of soldiers, if you choose chocolate, you won’t get beer.
Is it clear?
So exactly.
At the end of the list, the major approached me closely, looked closely, walked away and cried out: You are all cattle, lazy and, as it turned out, alcoholics! I’ll get rid of that nonsense! They wanted beer! Can you take your baby after the bathroom!!! Everyone stand up, go out to build! Sergeant
Vatrushkin, command on the agenda.
And you, Stirlic, I’ll ask you to stay. and sit down. (I sat down) The Major looked at me with emphasis.
I am the head of a special department.
(In the future, I have learned to identify individuals without mistake, by a fish’s eye) In the three years of my service in this training section, I showed this box of beer bottles and chocolate from the tea room, already tens of thousands of soldiers. But none of them chose chocolate. You are a mystery for me, but I have a job to solve mystery.
Here is a paper, write an autobiography. Very detailed, in ten pages.
He asked for a long time about parents, foreigners, did not friends serve in our part? I was scared of prison and so on. (The devil knows why he’s having these beer tricks, probably he’s just a sadist.) Our company started the training process, and only I had no admission and instead of classes in a secret class, I sat quietly in the barracks and wrote letters to my mother. For two whole months, while major secret requests about me were flying to secret addresses, I cried, and the service went.
A sober lifestyle is sometimes not so bad.