Thank you for calling the Direct Line with Vladimir Putin. Your call is very important to us. If your question is about Navalny, press the grid.
If you are talking about Serdyukov, press the star.
If you want to raise pensions, press zero.
If you are illegal, press Adin.
If you are about gay parade - press 314 at a time. Piped...
Unfortunately, all of Putin is now busy. Please stay on the line and you will be answered by the liberated Putin.