The submarine “Zaporizhia”

In the Ukrainian fleet there is only one submarine – Zaporozhye, ancient as the eyebrows of Brezhnev.

It has been in repair for more than 20 years and serves three purposes: to justify the existence of twenty admirals in the headquarters of the Ukrainian Navy, to regularly waste the budget funds allocated for repair and to maintain a healthy fleet humor.

The first look at the submarine convinces that it was it that inspired Hollywood directors to shoot the comedy "Rise up the periscope", in which Jung asks: "Sir, how does our vessel hold onto the flood?", and the captain answers: "This is thanks to a huge bunch of intentionally sticking to the tea, son."

When the boat was raised for another endless repair at the dock of the 13th (good figure) ship repair plant in Sevastopol, its floatability was regulated by a thick layer of bacon spots above the waterline, and a no less thick layer of midias, shellfish and algae below the waterline.

On an alarming letter from a mother, sleepless nights crying about the fate of the son-submarine, called into the fleet to serve on Zaporozhye, the sailor wrote: "Mommy, you don't worry about me. The boat is tightly bound by rails to the shore. The rails are reliable, Soviet. And the pier was also built by Admiral Nahimov. There are no batteries on the boat, so it has an electricity transmission line. Until the end of my service, she won’t move.”

In 2005, the 35-year anniversary of the submarine was attended by the heads of the delegation of the Zaporozhye Oblast Council. The bosses brought with them vodka "Hortica" in souvenir three-litre bottles, officers exhibited three-litre pots with salt cucumbers and other unpretentious snacks. Healthy officers in honor of brave submarine officers and their bosses were on the rise. When less than half of the bottle was left in the last bottle, the red-red deputy chairman of the Zaporozhye Oblast Council stood up and began to proclaim a toast-apopheosis: "One name only! The submarine Zaporozhye. To bring terror to enemies. When the batteries are purchased...

The Homeric whisper did not allow him to finish his speech.