You like to think of yourself as a believer not so much because you really believe, but because in religious books you find justifications for your actions and lifestyle. The Bible does this better than any other book. In it everyone finds something about which he can say, "I do exactly the same, and it's good," after which his heartbeat blows up to incredible limits and he considers himself the only worthy, among all "these," about which, by the way, there is also written, but bad. There is no sin for which there is no justification in the Bible. And all thanks to one magical word – "repentance".
I prefer justice. And if there really is an afterlife, then I would rather honestly answer for every deed in hell with other equally honest people than go to heaven, full of hypocrites, and rejoice with a whimpering smile that I have been avenged.