bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122737
 07.01.2016
You have such an interesting name! Where is it?
You won’t believe my parents.
Was it inherited?
“Yes, fucking, all my life I’ve been coping on a booklet, rejecting myself in every voice!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №122736
 07.01.2016
X: There is such a situation in the family when you just need to accept...
Y: Well Mom, I’m already full.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №122735
 07.01.2016
Are there often special cases in your practice?

Sometimes they happen. There was one thing that everybody still remembers and recalls almost like a joke. Our compatriot arranged to work in an international team of German and Russian builders. And it turned out that when there was no chief, everything behaved normally, but as soon as the chief appeared, a German took to strike ours. He attacked him, insulted him, told him that he was “arsloth” and “shayze”. The guy at some point did not stand up and replied, "Let's go on x**!" the Russians laughed, the German did not understand, and when he was translated, he was offended, filed the Russian in court for causing moral damage and demanded compensation. Our boyfriend was also not confused, went to the lawyer, and they filed a counterclaim. As a result, the court issued a verdict: to satisfy the Russian’s claim and to reject the German’s application. Now attention, why is it? Because, say, the German insulted quite specifically, calling the Russians "the ass of the ass." And the Russian — sent in a certain direction, leaving in the end for the German to choose whether to go there or not.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122734
 07.01.2016
From Gicktaims, the theme of "Greenhouse microclimate management system".

xxx: Built for friends a similar system for the greenhouse, a little more complicated, of course, with data loading in the zabbiks, sensors on the radio channel, control of humidity, temperature and pH of the nutrient solution, lighting and other plugs. What you have, even a ficus to grow will not help, without resentment, call a weather station, as advised above.
Tagged: burn

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122733
 07.01.2016
North Korea may have tested a neutron bomb.

Not to specify who - there is no one in the country.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122732
 07.01.2016
About Old Worship:
Luke Skywalker, being a descendant of a strong Jedi, studied Jedi in 3 episodes, barely defeated Darth Vader at the end of the trilogy, but was unable to defeat Emperor Palpatine, he was helped by Darth Vader himself.
And now, some girl-bomzhi, for the first time took in her hands a blue light sword, and almost collapsed the sit, prevented the rupture of the planetary crust. The man who was specially trained to kill a Negro was unable to do so. What awaits us in the next two episodes?

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122731
 07.01.2016
I saw one movie a long time ago. I don’t remember the story, but I remember one phrase from the movie: Veritas vidos. Or something like that. From the language of the ancient Romans it was translated as "believing you will see." The essence of this phrase is that if you strongly believe it will happen in reality. And because of my childhood maximalism, I believed this phrase. What if I can believe and fly, for example? The hell knows it until you try. And once I went out into the yard, I climbed into the garages to test my theory. Concentrated on being able to fly, I ran out of my small legs and jumped out of a two-meter garage. Naturally, the force of universal gravitation disproved my theory and I fell very colorfully to the ground, shaking my elbows and knees. I didn’t risk jumping anymore.



And then many years later, as a thirty-year-old man, I think, “What if I didn’t believe enough?”“”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122730
 07.01.2016
We will not take you to work under any circumstances. But we will pay a triple salary if you work for our competitors.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122729
 07.01.2016
There are two exits to the balcony. One of them is usually in a closed position. Often a cat goes out there, and when he reaches the second entrance, he blows from the sight of a closed door, stays there with thoughts like, "lock the pedrils" until you notice a glimpse in the window that can say, "man, help." Then all the offended goes.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122728
 07.01.2016
We live with husband and child in a one-bedroom apartment, long talk about a large and cozy apartment, the possibility and the desire to exchange food. And I just needed to find one site in the history of the browser, I opened, I look, and my husband is a good guy, I looked at an apartment with an individual layout, a surprise, probably, is preparing! Well, I decided to go through the links, to see what apartments... In short, in thirty years I learned that individuals are not apartments, to melt!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122727
 07.01.2016
I'm walking in the hallway at work today, two patients are walking next to me. And one with a height of 150 and a weight of 150 says:

- I tell these doctors that I am allergic to the sun, it is hard for me to walk in the heat, and they tell me, "you need to lose weight!" Do not need me! If they don’t work for me, they don’t want to work for me.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122726
 07.01.2016
Four years ago I got a cat. For more than three years we have not set the alarm clock. A cat wakes every member of the family a minute before the alarm. Everyone wakes up at different times. It doesn’t touch anyone on the weekend. How does he do it? After morning work, tired go to bed.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122725
 07.01.2016
You are so beautiful today.

Only today?

Yes, only for today.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122724
 07.01.2016
I thought I had enough boxes for everything until my girlfriend moved to me.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122723
 07.01.2016
I just started working at the receiver. We went to bed in turn, and I got used to sleeping in the middle of the eye, I heard the scream of the brakes of the shrimp, jumping from the couch, wearing a shirt, and meeting, opening the door. I worked in this mode for six months and I got used to it.



Someday I sleep at home, as always in the middle of the eye, and on the hanging at the door a clean and smooth set of shapes hangs. And here I heard the screw of the brakes at three o’clock at night, jumping on the machine, wearing a shirt and going past my mom’s room, my mother asks me, say, my son, where I went, and I in response to the type – Mom, sleep, the ambulance came, meet, and I go on to the front door, I open, and in my head the thought, the ambulance, Mom, work, home, the corridor is not a hospital, the door is home, the shirt is working. Here is a native ambulance past my door, and the city is small and all the doctors know each other, and they see the health care worker me in cowards and a working shirt, standing at the entrance in tapas with the words "What did you bring this time?" Of course, I woke up in 5 minutes and realized that it worked out, but almost all of theirs were choking me for another month.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №122722
 07.01.2016
All chains of supermarkets in the country urgently glue the banned signs at the entrances: "Entry with video cameras with palm oil detectors is strictly prohibited!"

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №122721
 07.01.2016
Russian scientists have announced a new miracle from the world of nanotechnology.
"Video camera with the presence of palm oil in the packaged product".
Products with this oil he makes invisible on recordings.

A video of one of the trips to the supermarket has already been posted on the Internet. The milk vitrines are filled with emptiness, as are the bakalees.

Only shelves with alcohol, salt, sugar and soda were captured by this camera.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122720
 07.01.2016
Review on the site of one store for headphones Sennheiser IE-800 (8-grams "inserts" for 35000p.) is :

Rating of 5/5
Benefits: They are sympathetic.
Disadvantages: On the second day of use the cat was eaten.
General Impressions: I didn’t have time to understand.

[ + 35 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122719
 07.01.2016
Just some idiots think that virginity is accompanied by the ability to soothe a man in bed and multi-organism.
Oxygenated
At first, it will be a barrel in bed for which sex is torture.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122718
 07.01.2016
Russian scientists have announced a new miracle from the world of nanotechnology.
"Video camera with the presence of palm oil in the packaged product".
Products with this oil he makes invisible on recordings.

Wow: And there at the beginning accidentally is no phrase "only today and only for you from the creators of X-ray glasses to look at classmates without clothes - calling right now discount"?

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