bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92006
 03.01.2014
What is plus the flower of Weiber, Skype, Twitter and social networks? In Aska finally stopped breaking left-handed minors and almost disappeared spam! and]

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №92005
 03.01.2014
Go to the closet for the New Year’s jewelry... Fall together with the picture... I sit here now all in blue and shiny, dress up in green... Guess... Yes, I’m a Hollow.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №92004
 03.01.2014
Love is when a child throws a cake on the go, grabs a joystick in his hand to help you get rid of the shredder in ninja turtles so that the mother is not struck.
by Kat

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №92003
 03.01.2014
XXH: Well, you know, there are a lot of innovations in this regard now. Once a long time ago I watched a video about the coating resistant to scratches (...)
UUU: And I read a book where one guy resurrected, so the argument is not an argument.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №92002
 03.01.2014
Are all the doors made of Chinese iron?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №92001
 03.01.2014
I go to Rome with a girl. A man hits me and apologizes, with a good French dialect. I’m pas de soucis that there’s no type of problem. A minute later, the girl asks:
Why are you so rude?
Why am I rude?
Well, he apologized, and you’re such a "sugging".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №92000
 03.01.2014
and dioxide
And if the microwave is forced to work with the door open, what will happen to the idiot who does this?
and David.[176] by LOL Have you ever opened a working microwave?
and dioxide
They turn off immediately, well.
and David.[176] is well You cannot force her to work that way.
and dioxide
Nothing is impossible o.
and dioxide
I need an unnecessary microwave and an idiot.
He came to us from another room.
and dioxide
O O FIGASSE

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №91999
 03.01.2014
Try to hold yourself in your hands when you have a bottle in one hand and a bottle in the other.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91998
 03.01.2014
January 1st, 5 a.m. Everyone is asleep, I sit and answer the mail... And suddenly comes a message from anekdot.ru and I remember what I wanted to tell you a long time ago...
Almost everyone does not like mints, almost everyone has unpleasant stories associated with them, but after all, there are good ones! And now I want to share some good stories about menta. Not the New Year, no. Not funny, neither is. Just good ones. And yes, I am not lying, only the story has accumulated.
(All names are left true, for who does it matter?)

History No. 1
Oleg was a fan of fermentation, especially in good company. But Oleg did not have the money for a taxi at the time, but there was a student bus, on which you could always get home, Oleg lived well near the trolleybus stop.
On that day, coming to the stop, Oleg did not think of looking at the clock, and it was about two o'clock at night. Waiting for the trolleybus, he fell asleep, and was awakened by a rough pink and a question:
Do you have documents?
The documents of Oleg were in full order (student, reader, passport), so the following question followed:
Why do you sleep at the stop?
I am waiting for the trolleybus.
At three o’clock at night?
Oh yeah...
Do you live where?
The street is like that, the house is like that.
Go down!
Oleg entered the "mental berry" in full confidence that he would get out of there without money (which, in fact, was not), it is unknown where, give god to be with the kidneys, and therefore was very surprised when they unloaded it near their own entrance and then said, "Go home and don't sleep at the stops."
Hey guys, thank you...
Home of Wales!
And they left.

History No. 2
Oleg and his family were going abroad on holiday, and for this needed a visa, a passport and other joys. After buying a burning tour, he suddenly realized that to obtain a visa he needed a valid state passport, but forgot to paste the photo at 25 years old.
Arriving at the passport table, he found out that the adhesion of the photo takes about two weeks, and he can not affect the speed of the process: maybe a week, maybe two, as fortunate.
Then he asked at a city forum, “Who can help with the 25 year picture in passport?” Two hours later, an unknown man wrote to him: "Call at this number, come to me, they will help you." There were no other options, so Oleg called and agreed to meet.
An invisible car came to the meeting from which an invisible man came out and asked, "Do you need a photo in your passport?" Oleg said, “Yes,” the man said, “Give me a passport!” and left. A little later, Oleg realized that right now he could be issued a loan, so he began to consult with all his acquaintances, what to do, the nerves, how to live on, and there the call: "Come, take your passport!“”
Oleg came and took his passport with a fresh photo. The question is, “How much do I owe you?” The man whispered and left, finally saying, "Next time do everything on time."
Oleg did not want to stay in debt and wrote to the same virtue from the forum: "Listen, it went so, I did not take money. “Let me give you 10 backs, and you give it to him?” In response, he received the following: "Sir, you talked to the ROVD chief. He knows your own 10 backs where they didn’t fit. He just wanted to help, so the usual thanks will be enough.”

History No. 3
Kostiya went up the Kirov Avenue. It was July, it was hot, the rise was tough, and at home there was a polio grandfather and a younger brother, both unfed. Suddenly near Kosti stopped the Mentiovsky "Bobic":
Is it him?
It seems he...
Sitting in the car! Where do you live?
She named the address and they went. In the courtyard of Kostyn's house he was pulled out of the car and asked again:
Where do you live?
In this house, the second entrance, apartment 62.
Go to!
What is the case, actually?
- An hour ago you robbed a man at the bottom of the prospectus, the description is the same, so we don't have to hang a sling on our ears here, we're going to do a search!
Walking around the courtyard, Kostya noticed his younger brother, who had long been home.
Rosemary, were you at home?
No to...
Well, let’s go fast!
Romka grumbled after the menta and his older brother. On the way, Kostia hanged the younger opleuchy with the words, "Why did you not go to lunch?“Who let you walk?“Did you do the lessons?” The atmosphere was burning, the mints slowly understood that they did not, Kostia gradually entered his native element.
Through this procession they entered the entrance and then into the elevator.
Press it fucking! I pulled the bone.
“I don’t know which floor...” one of the mentions blasted.
The bone was confused. I am not you, at all. I pressed the button myself.
At home, a non-fed grandfather met them all and quite clearly told him what he thinks about mints, their suspicions, methods, and the like. Monkeys rushed to retreat.

History No. 4
From the seventh grade, Zhenka and I had a kind of symbiosis: one of us read a work and wrote a work on it, the other wrote. But he did not just write, but he wrote cleverly, so that none of the teachers could suspect anything.
This time it was Zhenkin's turn and he read another Russian-language shit and wrote a piece on it, and I needed to write it off. We agreed to meet in the same courtyard as usual, at seven in the evening.
At mid-seventh it rained, and at seven it turned into a rainstorm. It was at this time that I came into the courtyard and hid myself in the entrance, where I was found by a Mentov patrol of three people:
What are we waiting for, who are we waiting for?
The other.
What about friend?
I must bring...
A bag of cannabis?
No-e-e, composition on Russian literature.
A few minutes explained the reason for the meeting, as if it came. We stood and smoked in the entrance. I see the woman jumping on the pitch! I was rushing, but one of the ments said, “Stand up!“And went out in the rain.
Stand to stand! He is already a female.
Woman is frozen.
Where do we run?! to
There, I have to meet with...
Did you bring the Tetrad?
Should I meet with... O-O-O?
Did you bring literature?? to
and yes!

Until it all...

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91997
 03.01.2014
January 1 - the day of the mental breakdown of the car driver - and there is no traffic jams, and there is no need to go anywhere.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №91996
 03.01.2014
The operator complains to another operator:
Everyone has a new year with eight boots.
Or signed
The router wagon.
The brain is forgotten.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №91995
 03.01.2014
I went to the gasoline, look at the price, AI92 AI92 Premium and AI95.
What is the difference between the 92?
What is premium, there is an octane number more!
O_O
I decided not to risk, I drove 95.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №91994
 03.01.2014
And only a one-handed bandit, looking at the inscription "Second Hand", hopefully...

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91993
 03.01.2014
I'm always asked to go down to them, although I'm just out of the room, and the server in the basement :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №91992
 03.01.2014
by Chrome24:
Try to reconnect the internet. Maybe it is not their thing. Something is stupid.

The Snow:
Yes, it may just be holidays, and everyone is flying to buy tickets.

by Chrome24:
I was lucky on the car. The next free time is 10 p.m. Half of the population has gone astray, the other half has decided to solve all the issues.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91991
 03.01.2014
xxx: sleeps quietly soft cat. soft pink stomach...
YYY: No more sleep at night this thick pidaras!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №91990
 02.01.2014
I work in the security.I protect the university community.There are a lot of foreign students living in it and still teaching is not local.The first number of 4 o'clock in the morning I go through the floors with a check.In the hall of the 4th floor I see a picture behind a covered lawn Japanese teaching husband and wife are sober, and two students are black against them.One from Cote d'Ivoire and another from the Congo.And here Ivory shows the Japanese a doula and says:KURILY!!!!!!! Here you are, half an hour.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №91989
 02.01.2014
The smart fox:

The mystery of spotted cocoa has been uncovered – I found a piece of chocolate on my back under my clothes.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №91988
 02.01.2014
Santa and Shaurma are perfectly combined. After all, you walk around the houses at seven o'clock in the evening, you don't sit at the table anywhere - or they will be fed, drunk and knocked out of the schedule. And even a fairy tale character wants to eat. I am telling you like a real Santa Claus.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №91987
 02.01.2014
Age is when "And this is our time..."
and age by age.

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