In old age we are getting slower and life is getting faster.

It was long ago. I have a girl I know (let’s call her Oksana), who at the age of 15 had an angina. Angina complicated the ligaments.

A rough, drunken and smoked male voice from the mouths of a girl with an angelish appearance seriously complicated Khushina's personal life. For a long time, the school and the institute were left behind, the working days went by, and the prince on the white horse was not. Well, what a prince, Oksana was already slowly, but correctly approached the line "let drink, smoke, scary, but at least a set of limbs in the set."

The guys at least lost in the first conversation with her. Some, when trying to get acquainted on the street rounded their eyes of horror and urgently withdrew. But if the acquaintance lasted more than one evening, then the slim figure, beautiful face and excellent sense of humor outweighed the sensations of talking to the old bosman. And when it came to sex, another (submarine stone) rock mass popped up.

Oksana stood during sex and sooner or later started screaming. I could not hold it back. And when the gentle female body in your arms begins to scream with the voice of Gigurda, then 90% of the men instantly lost all sexual attraction and no longer communicated with Xusha. The remaining 10% were usually too drunk to understand anything, but the next time in a more condemned state joined the majority.
And Khushka wanted a normal family, children and, what to hide, regular sex. Closing the mouth with a palm, a pillow compressed with teeth, and even a clap purchased in a sex shop - the situation was not corrected. Years went by, Oksane was already thirty - a successful career, a large apartment, a expensive SUV and a favorite basset hound did not bring her complete happiness. From despair she began to look more and more at the bottom of the red dry bottle.

I don’t know how it would end if it wasn’t a lucky coincidence. Oksana met her happiness at the service, where she served the car. Artem worked as an auto mechanic, was shouldered and strained, but from birth he was hearing impaired. Even with hearing aids, he asked the interlocutor to speak louder, and he needed to see people’s lips to fully understand what it was about.

The couple now has three children, and in mid-January they will celebrate their 20th anniversary of marriage.

I sell a tree. urgently!

As you know, first, the sentences in German are very long, and secondly, the denial is often put at the end - nicht.



And here, therefore, the synchronist translates a lengthy German phrase and suddenly as a shoulder on the head - at the end of "nicht", changing the meaning to the opposite.

The translator stopped for a fraction of a second, and then continued as if nothing had happened:



“You might think. In fact, it is the opposite.”

The ability to deliver remains only with the sellers.

The story line.
Simple and straight line like the Russian road. Without bite and bite. New Year and short.

My husband decided to get married before the New Year. Right on December 31. A colleague, to be clear, is an engineer and chief engineer of an enterprise engaged in the border of the devil on the horns, in the taiga, the tundra and other forest steppes with burans, meltings and frosts up to eternal frost in the field conditions of construction towns.

If my colleagues decide something, they will definitely drink, as Vladimir Semenovich sang. And their approach is thorough and thorough. Therefore, when deciding to get married, they first agree with the future bride. Because a wedding without a bride is nonsense and the limit of tolerance. The friend was called Lehoy, and the bride was Yulka. No, they are still called so, although I am not sure about this, because all coincidences are fictional, the fiction is accidental, and the imagination is rich.

And here Leha agreed with Yulka about the fact of marriage about a year. After six months, they agreed on the date of the wedding and also agreed. We agreed with all the parents and guests. Such dates must be agreed in advance, because there are very few people free on December 31. Especially if you want to call a snowflake, you need to do so in advance. Or invite friends. But Yulke and Lehe succeeded. That is Yulia. Because Leha and Yulka agreed, and then dropped on his favorite job to raise money. Restaurant, hotel for guests and transportation. The dress finally with the costume, not in ounces of the same Lehe to marry a sweater. The palace was still rented in Moscow for the exit ceremony. At that time, it was difficult to impossible. After Romanov rented in Peter, the strictness began across the country.

It’s twenty-nine, when it’s all on the table. Yulka, you can say in Moscow, the last shoes to fatten, Leha gathered from his tundra from the underwater crossing closer to the big airport to move forward. There are first deer in the form of an all-roadside, then a helicopter, then to some large Chelyabinsk-Ufa-Yekaterinburg by a special flight with a watch, then to the capital. Or at least somewhere. And here Leha came for the last time to the site, where the excavator of frozen ice was cheering in a fun bowl near the shore of the northern river. See the latest instructions to give, purely to calm your nerves.

He went and took the ice and failed. Four hundred Hitachi slowly under the ice with the excavator. Whoever is there, whoever is there, whoever is there, and whoever is there, whoever is there, whoever is there. Unfortunately by the way. I wanted to drag the excavator through the upper lock. In winter clothes, a man can't get out of the hole by himself. In normal circumstances. And from fear of drowning, he is quite himself with a whisper. And while Lecha dropped his jacket on the pieces of ice, water and hose onto the roof, the mechanic was already sitting there, waiting for the roof to equal with the water, so that it would be more convenient to run. Everything ended well, only washed out both, and Lehe could not climb as it turned out.

And then Lech the Thirty, after swimming, arrived on the translated deer to civilization, to the central office of the Ural office, changed his clothes and lay in his rest room on the couch in front of the plane for half an hour to kiss. A little tired. and slept. He told two friends that he would rest a little, asked to wake up, not trusting the alarm, and fell asleep. He dreamed of an Achilles. First, that he was late for the wedding, and second, that he and Yulka divorced. And a lot more, not so much remembered.

When he woke up he knew where. Somewhere in a completely unfamiliar place. And I realized that I was very late, because I fell asleep in the evening, and I woke up in the afternoon, in the window was clearly the thirty-first of December, along with the winter noon sun.

And here he enters the room, and where the room Leha has not yet understood, but already realized that his own wedding has already walked, or is about to walk, one of his friends, whom he asked instead of the alarm clock to work appears in front of Leha's eyes. Well, and accordingly, he hears what the alarm clock usually hears, guilty of the owner being late to work. That is, nothing good, but just lucky that it was not thrown on the wall or thrown out the window.

And here Yulka at a friend from behind the back looks, embarrassedly smiling. And Leha understands that even if it is late, it is somehow not definitive. Especially in the white. This is not a dress, but a dress. And a friend in a hospital coat and a bunch of people in the room went in white too.

This may not have been the first wedding in this hospital where Leha had a severe pneumonia, but at the time it was the happiest. How for the remaining 24 hours of Lechina friends managed to fly for Yulka, to organize a flight of guests from Moscow to the Ural, as agreed with the ZAGS, hospital, hotels and restaurants they themselves do not remember or simply do not tell. Also a kind of uncertainty. It is not important. Tomorrow, fifteen years after the event, and by the thirty-first, they still didn’t have time. But by January 1st... And believe me, no, no one had to persuade for a long time.

The president explained why people in Russia live well, but they are bad.

My friend stopped smoking in this way: he graduated from the military, went to the special forces, and then to Chechnya, in 2002. I smoked the course from the fourth, there was nothing to do, so one day, at the block-post, a summer evening, I went to the fresh air to lift up... By that time, the active phase of the fighting in the republic was already behind, but the mountains were still run by the unbeaten militants. So here: the Chechen sniper saw a fire, targeted, made a discount on the wind or as they call it there, and burned a little lower. The guy saved only that the sniper was sitting far away; the bullet broke through the armor and stuck in the chest muscle, the heart was not enough a couple of centimeters. But he smoked for his whole life, no longer pulling.

I had a client. He came on the issue of alimony in his favor with his daughter.

In general, he has two children - a son from the first marriage, where he left, when the son was quite young, and a daughter from the second marriage. The son, as he left the family, no longer saw, the ex-wife did not even pay for alimony. And maybe, but the FSF once again did not work.

And in the second family, where the daughter lived, with a break in two seats. My wife died of cancer. Where the daughter - has no idea, does not communicate with her.

Many years later, he found his father. Why I was looking for it is unclear. Per in the eyes wanted to say what kind of cattle he was, maybe with the opposite goals. The fact is that the son, seeing how the father lives, in poverty and misery, ran to the store, bought a bottle of vodka, crackers, sat down, talked. My son is well, his family is well, his children are well. For several years, he has been periodically travelling, bringing foods and helping with money.

And the daughter, Pascuada Etaka, abandoned her father. He sits somewhere and doesn’t remember.

He ended the story with the words: yet what a good son I have raised! The man!

We sit in the plane, 10 minutes before the take-off. A 8-year-old girl is sitting behind me and is already sitting in a chair. I betrayed my inner social-phobic penguin and, turning around, polently asked me not to do so. Her mother transmitted this thought to the girl:

- Katyusha, don't pin the chair, you bother people

– not... to pin?! to

No need to pin.

But how do I fly then?! to



She didn’t bother me anymore, but the whispering “I can’t... How can I sit then?” She accompanied us until we took off and she didn’t get distracted from her existential questions :)

Teisha came to visit and at some point decided to shrink a little. My five-year-old daughter started singing her songs of her own composition to get her to sleep better. Sleep as a hand removed after the line

“New Year, New Year. Around the miracles.

A new year, a new year. You will sleep forever.”

And all this with a gentle angel voice.

A wise woman will not tell a man how best to fulfill her wishes.

I went out with my husband to the balcony.
Suddenly a man in a female string comes down from above and asks:
Can I walk through your apartment?
The husband led him to the door, returned and thoughtfully said:
Probably from Ninja. She has all the cowards with such funny inscriptions.

I understand that birds fly south in the winter. I don’t understand why they are coming back.

We were constantly robbed of potatoes. We got tired and we set up wolf traps. Who doesn't know, wolf traps are when you dig a small hole, about half-knee, put a plate with nails at the bottom of the hole with the blades up. So, then it turned out that the neighbors stole (as unexpectedly), the son and mother were trapped. When the ambulance and the police arrived, they said we attacked them and all that. The district immediately understood it. We just got scared, because we didn’t have time for strong trials. It turned out in vain. The son of the neighbor decided to punish us, decided to rob our mansion with a friend. But they were immediately our hot footprints and gave them 1.5 years. The conclusion: a friend of the neighbor's son died of tuberculosis in prison, and the son broke up with companions and they severely injured his leg, which eventually amputated him. When the one came out, the mother of the deceased and the neighbor began to blame us for everything, a typical reaction of the hunters. But it was very surprising that the country community stood up for them, say young guys you destroyed, think of potatoes and dacha, life is more important. The house was quickly sold and left. The morality? He knows what morality is there. But I don’t regret anything, neither the neighbor’s son nor his friend.

The Year of the Dog bitten the Russians 5 years of retirement, let's see what kind of pig we will subdue next year

The female logic.

I went for Christmas presents today. I met a friend in the store with whom I had not seen for six months. Hi, how is it?

I divorced my husband. I... Okay! You’ve lived for almost 20 years, as if everything was fine. We sat down with her for a coffee and she told me. From the first person.

Somewhere from February to March, my husband got bad with money. So the prize was not given, then the salary was cut, well, I think everyone has it. In the summer, I started living on my salary. He brought something, of course, but fewer times. And he constantly has some problems, the car broke, parents urgently need to help. I was not especially upset, we had everything, and I was sitting without work, heined the family. He goes fishing on the Volga. They have been fishing together for 15 years each year. Some of the men. He returns from a vacation, I disassemble his things in the laundry and find a firm bag from a shop of expensive shoes. Obviously, the men, what package they saw, in such things and stuck. I still thought, here are the women’s shoes they buy. It’s a couple of weeks, I’m going to go to the store, I go down, and my wheel is down. I call my husband, come down, bring the keys to your car, and I am pumping the wheel. I walked, opened the trunk, and there were two packs from this shoe store with his sports stuff. I have a straight click here. Something is not clean. He called the wives of the men he was riding with. No one in that store bought shoes, and of course, there from thirty the price begins. I went to this store the next day, measuring all the shoes of my size, and spent an hour and a half there. I picked up all the sellers. This is my husband’s birthday. He comes with a new phone, says colleagues gave. Iphone for half. I gave the old phone to my daughter. I broke in it, wrote out all the contacts and started calling. Contact "Jura engineering" two rooms, urban and cellular. On the cell phone, the girl takes the tube, and on the city - the super-popper store of expensive shoes. and bingo! I am on the internet. The store has an account in Insta. I watched all the subscribers. I found. The girl Lena. Starting with the spring photos with huge bouquets, the signature “loved gifts”, restaurants, etc. And like a cherry blade on a cake photo in an embrace with my husband and a signature "with a loved one in Sochi". As it turned out later, he even started earning more, and he was promoted at work. Just that girl he kept, rented her apartment, all kinds of gifts.

We drank a third cup of coffee, and I don’t think about it. I ask, why didn’t you raise your hair? Fucking give her a man! I expected to hear about pride and “I will not forgive betrayal,” but no, the answer was this:

And honestly? I would probably forgive. I didn’t say anything at first, I walked and kept silent. In September, when the daughter went to 11th grade, the question of instructors arose. She is going to go to honey, and there, you know how much money is needed. So he says, I don’t have the money, maybe elsewhere to try. She has dreamed of being a doctor since childhood. I sold my car, paid instructors, I think suddenly the money is not enough, began to ask for acquaintances. I called my husband’s boss and he and I have a good relationship. He told me that his husband took 300 thousand a month ago for instructors for his daughter. This is how everything opened up. And you know how it cut off, he’s a stranger to me now. I immediately filed for divorce. He ran, begged not to get hot, swore that it was all over. But that’s all, okay, he betrayed his child.

We sat down and kept silent. I was somehow out of my own. I know this family for a long time, I did not expect that. A friend of mine told me, “Okay, that’s all. You know how I calculated it! In the package! Everything is overwhelmed by female logic.

Especially dangerous is the spark of God in the head filled with ashes.

I’ve been driving for a couple of years, guys. It’s hard, but the ass is tired. There is no romance. To the taxis of friends, whose broken companions do not feed with bread, but give an unhealthy pleasure to our brother to deliver, don't believe, they jerk. So, then a boy from drinks tired of beer will fly, then a child's casual seat with dirty copits will melt. Here are all the adventures. But one busy story was still, just before the New Year, whether the fourteenth or fifteenth, I don’t remember exactly. Corporate time and check for the strength of moral foundations. Eight o’clock in the evening, it’s time to go home, and I’m all in the distant areas of my town, I’m mistaken, there’s no way that a popular order will come. Here is he! The destination is through my house. The client is the “Church Empress”. Aunt of indefinite age, rich composition, in good nutrition. The hat was sown somewhere, the shirt is stretched, stands, swings. Taking such cars is always exciting, but not to shake up, cleaning is now expensive. The village is silent, looking far away. She looks good, entirely. Be careful, I walk around cats. Well, we got there, thanks Bachus. Madame rows in her pocket for a long time, collects coins, pays off.

He does not look.

Young man, what is your name?

It’s nice to hear this in the fifth decade, but I’m silent, well, her naffig.

You are silent.

And as it rushed, I turned away, sucked in the area of the ear, wonder. The dead grip grabbed, barely knocked off, pushed out something.

A week passes, the first numbers of January, the morning, the beginning of the shift. A familiar address. And the client too. The aunt goes out. Trembling of itself. He sits back, greets, asks something polite on the way about the New Year. He does not know in short. It is understandable.

Please stop here. It stretches a hundred.

What about kissing?

Her face made my day, forgive me for filling my speech. Approximately this is how the intangible memes appear.