bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №123497
 24.01.2016
From the discussion of feminists:

And in English sometimes when they want animals specifically to designate a female, they add to the beginning of she-. She-wolf, for example, a female wolf, a wolf. She-camel and she-goat
Femches could simply add the word on-to the beginning. The judge, for example. The female judge.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123496
 24.01.2016
The civil prospectus. The morning. The Metro. I walk through the station to the escalator, I don’t touch anyone. Here from the platform a man turns out sharply and cuts me in the most sharp way. As a result, I stood on his foot.



I say to him, “Sorry please.” He said to me, “Are you blind? I am on the main road. You should have missed me.” Since I did not agree with him, I suggested that he make an accident. So he gave me a meaningful look and went away.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123495
 24.01.2016
I was given a cup with a portrait of Van Gogh. On the third day the pen fell.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123494
 24.01.2016
Why did I thermate Sisadmin?
Yyy: Well, you need to know how to load the server so that it falls.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123493
 24.01.2016
What’s in common between the Bible and Marx’s work?
Few have read and understood them fully, but many have quoted them.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №123492
 24.01.2016
Beginning of the nineties. Industrial base of one oil production office.
Our blinds were unexpectedly asked to overtake some reducer. What it was I no longer remember. I was not concerned with this as a trainer. For me, it’s just a large suitcase upstairs filled with hats. But even for our teammates this was not at all a job by profile. As the most experienced, the brigadier himself took over the matter. In the process of disassembly, he instructed Tolik to make a scheme of what, where and how. The scheme turned out to be quite complicated, on two sheets and as it turned out during the assembly - very incomprehensible. In short, the brigadier buried a bunch of nerves by collecting, re-assembling and re-assembling the reducer. But by the middle of the second day it was done. The brigadier put the cover, and observing the rule of "stretch the cross cross" wrapped the corner key on 17 and a half hundred screws along its perimeter. Then relieved and took a wire from the machine, wiped out his hands. And then our immediate boss naturally got worse - another unmounted hatchback was found under the wing.
On his, full of drama scream “Yes on@#&!!!” The entire brigade fled. Two blinds rushed with two keys at 17 just to turn off, with such accuracy, the stretched boulders. It was a pity to watch the brigade. The people crowded around, rejoicing in the hope that now the cover will be removed and it will immediately become clear where the unfortunate detail is missing. Hope was not fulfilled. The slidespeople looked concerned inside, rotated the circuits in their hands, illuminated the lower layers with fireworks - all in vain. It is becoming more and more obvious - we need to understand something new. At this moment, our diesel driver - Grigorich entered the slurry. He was here forty minutes ago and gave some advice at the final stage of the assembly. Everyone immediately quietly broke up giving him the way - still a man with enormous experience. Per he is now with a blind eye... Grigorich approached the workstation and, immersed in some of his heavy thoughts, indifferently looked into the reducer. Then he scattered his eyes on the machine machine and relievedly knocked out "blaying, and here she is" took the hatchback and immediately went out.
The first restrained laughter spread only after the door clogged behind him.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №123491
 24.01.2016
The Indians did not pay attention to the flow of refugees from Europe.
Now they live in reservations.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №123490
 24.01.2016
One day the Little Prince came to Erwin Schrödinger and said, “Draw me a cat.”

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123489
 24.01.2016
If you drive a gay parade from the watermelon, you can accidentally take a clip of George Michael

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123488
 24.01.2016
A movie on TV. There is a soul song in the process:
A little boy dreams of a puppet.
Sometimes a hand, sometimes a leg.
When I wake up, the picture is the same.
Sometimes I hear my mother’s voice.

I have already found the text in the Innet. And yet for an hour the drum "young dophin dreams of guillotine..."

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123487
 24.01.2016
At the third grade, my friend Marina became the owner of a separate home from the parents - inherited by two with the older brother of the apartment of some relative. It was only her brother, Cole, who ruined Idylia. He, as it turned out, was one of those to whom it was contraindicated to live without a watchful parental eye: he quickly went on his way, began to bump hard, and in a part-year turned into a fucking thing.

He was expelled from a decent job and arranged a watchman on the schedule of the day after three days - in fact, he whispered two after two: after work, the day went off, then the remaining two weekends drank, then went to work to be sober, then the cycle repeated. It must be said that the guard from Kohl was a bit of a bit: small in height, thin, hellishly inhibited and poorly conscious of reality because of the fact that he was permanently drunk or with a hammer (also, interfered with alcohol with some pills)... Unless the bandits would die of laughter, seeing this miracle in the feathers with a gun.

Recently (and more than ten years have passed since the beginning of the story) I turned on the city TV channel and saw Kolya there as my own person. He has changed little, even the speaking pace is slow and the look is still as focused. The teeth and hair are shrinking. Only he is now Orthodox and will prophesy hell to all who do not repent. I think: it’s someone who paid the powerful black piar of the RPC or they’re crazy themselves.

[ + 17 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123486
 24.01.2016
Have people forgotten why "government" appeared at all?
So I see, people sit there and think "how to make the lives of citizens better".
exactly! Close the trailers and Wikipedia!
exactly! Let’s introduce food sanctions! The people will survive!
exactly! Let’s kill the small carriers!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123485
 24.01.2016
Sitting a few years ago with friends in the Cafe House, decided to turn into a fool, and just a few days ago banned gambling in the cafe.
Only we pulled the deck, the administrator approaches us and says we can’t.
What Sisadmin Vasya, pointing to him behind his back, where the TV is on the wall, calmly answers:
Windows is pirate.
We all look there - and there is just on the screen a screensaver of the collection of the Beast. The administrator was confused and fled.
We didn’t play any more cards that day.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123484
 24.01.2016
Online chat games:
Who is the red machine gun? Just so, as a gift, because I’m in a good mood
XX: Binoculars IV, completely new, just removed from the boss's body. I don't need to sell on the auck lene, it's a pity to throw at the purchase. Give in good hands.
No bit, not painted
He is trained to a pot with ammunition, eats aircraft caliber
If no one takes it, they will have to drown.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123483
 24.01.2016
In this one sentence,, is the whole essence of world democracy:

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said in a letter to the UN General Assembly that 15 countries, including Venezuela, failed to pay their annual contribution to the UN budget and lost their right to vote.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123482
 24.01.2016
I saw the oh@eating photojaba on the poster of The Hateful Eight.

The original is the back of Samuel L. Jackson, going deep into the cottage.

In the processing - it pushes in the same direction the clearly swollen "eight".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123481
 23.01.2016
Konrart: Skopendra belongs to the superclass of polygons, and not the superclass of insects, that is, technically, the "insect" tag is superfluous here.

JustSinister: "members" block, biologist, fuck.

Broadside: I present it directly. Picture of the cat, and above it tagged with a knife:
Eucariots, Animals, Eumethazoes, Bilateral-symmetric, Secondary, Horde, vertebrate, jaw, four-legged, mammals, animals, placental, Laurasiatheria, predators, cat-like, cat, small cats, cats, forest cat, cat.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123480
 23.01.2016
One curious man discovered that in a separate calendar the length of the day, which is usually indicated in such calendars, does not change every day: two days in a row it may be the same, then it changes, then another two or three days may not change. And he concluded on the basis of this that the Earth's orbit is not an ellipse, but a polygon. He was sure of this because he simply did not know: in this kind of calendar, the length of the day is simply rounded.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123479
 23.01.2016
Patriarch Kirill condemned the desire of people to live rich and prosperously. It doesn’t make sense because people will die anyway.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123478
 23.01.2016
I have white smoke from the Chinese food block
...
Zzz: the cockroaches chose a new Pope

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