bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №108485
 23.01.2015
Miha
Am...
And you who?
Dasha
Welcome to :)
Miha
Hi to
O_0
Dasha
I want to ask you one question, have a minute?
Miha
Yes, I listen
I do not spy.
Do not disappoint me.

Dasha
I just saw that you are a free man, and then I thought to write.
Tell me, please, did you not receive a letter to the mail about an ivent for unmarried guys?
Miha
What is Ivan?
Dasha
I personally participated in the event.
I would like to recommend it to any free guy!and :)
Look at me on the wall, you will understand.)
Miha
I am sure for you there is a separate boiler in hell.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108484
 23.01.2015
Did you indicate in your resume that your talent lies in depression?
and yes.
But that is not talent!
You just didn’t see me in the case.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108483
 23.01.2015
From Habr.
A carrier carrying drugs crashed on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Lerg: And really, how can copters be detected? On the backdrop of the night sky, the task seems unresolved.
OK, it was detected. And then what? Send a drone interceptor? And smugglers will take and will send drones-trucks accompanied by drones-fighters.
vlreshet: Aerial drone battle would look oh like epic.
frig: C forming a joyful cloud of crystalline methamphetamine in the air.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №108482
 23.01.2015
Transfer of Exam.
Prepod: Why don’t you approach me?
Student: So I don’t have any clues or directions with me.
No brains... no brains!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №108481
 23.01.2015
No, I’m definitely an idiot... and my idiotism will kill me someday...
WOW: What is that again?
XHH: Today at work, I sit down, imitating a stormy activity.
Well, as always... and what?
xxxh: I look at the vidos on the tube and eat the bubbles.
The ball...
XHH: Here I am suddenly rattling, and seriously so... Probably half the bubble in my throat has stuck and seriously threatens to kill me...
I cough like hot, tears flow from my eyes, I can't breathe, my face is blue.
Which is 0_O
I have only one thought in my head, that now the comrades of the office will come to my desk, I will take an artificial breath, and they will see, that I am talking about cats, and not working.
HHH: And as it is, I can’t get to the cross...
WOW: WOW
XHH: And imagine a picture of me with a blue rose, cramped on alt + f4, and I can't get!! to
I am 😉
They are getting closer and closer!!! to
How did it disappear?
xxx: pressed the reset and ran "suck" into the toilet...
You are sick...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108480
 23.01.2015
I am an ancient bike programmer. In my childhood after “Minsk” I had a motorcycle. Almost overseas, "Java" So here they have, at the eve, on the gasoline tank, nickeled plates with the name. = to = to = to = Years have passed, a lot of keyboards have been erased, but when I see the word “JAWA,” I see a red two-wheeled motorcycle with nickeled letters on the tank. It smells of gasoline, hot oil, skin and youth, not that fucking java.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108479
 23.01.2015
Today I wrote an attestation characteristic to an officer who wants to resign from military service, and suddenly gave birth to a brilliant phrase: “I am indifferent to the principles of social justice in resolving any issues.”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №108478
 23.01.2015
The mind is simple to measure, but stupidity is constantly stumbling.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №108477
 23.01.2015
The story is 100% real.
The night. My companion sleeps with his young wife (both 23 years old) after a hard day at work. Their newborn son is sleeping in the same room. Suddenly at 2 o’clock of the night, a hellish loud knock begins on the ceiling. They knock, they knock and they knock. A 90-year-old woman lives above them. The child is awake, what do I do? Don’t go to your grandmother fighting at night. They decided to wait until tomorrow. Well, they lie back, and they knock anyway. Well, with sorrow half trying to fall asleep under this knock. Here is BAC! A friend jumps up like a crazy man and starts shouting, “Well, this is Morse!!! and SOS.” He listened closely and he was!!! Signal of disaster. Immediately call everyone: ambulance, police, emergency services. They came, they knocked on the door, they didn’t open. The Emergency Service passes through the balcony into the grandmother’s apartment. Her grandmother was an ex-military officer and she was sick. She was lying on the bed and could only reach her stick and began to knock on the floor. I saved my grandmother and it was okay. Now my friend is the hero of his multi-story. I am proud of such a companion!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №108476
 23.01.2015
In Chechnya, it’s simple: either you go out to a rally to love the Prophet Muhammad, or you explain why you didn’t come, to Muhammad personally.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108475
 23.01.2015
Question: How will the cop know that he has shot all the villains?
Answer: The striking music is over.
— — —
This is the case with Bioshock: Infinite.
yyy: and in borderlands 2) could not in such a varied environment to catch figures of fucking, so wet everything that moves until the music ended)
zzz: But here in Skyrim - the opposite: the music began - look for the dragon)
QQQ: Per the main character is followed by the invisible bars and choirs who sing "Dowaki-i-i-i-n tututu turu tu tu tu tuu"? And that the spell of invisibility is in the school of illusion, a fairly plausible theory ;)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108474
 23.01.2015
HH: I can’t share it. Shaped something. In the list of medical services accidentally filled the entire cadastral of medical services. The judicate calls and is delicately interested in whether we are sure that in the medical examination it is absolutely necessary to establish the deadline for burial of the corpse. :D
yyy: Hi Noaho ))
xxx: there was still the "installation of the floor on the bones", but compared to the corpse it is a little bit :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108473
 23.01.2015
I sit on the couch so tired, sad. He is dancing again. Here he stands up, approaches, embraces "Kiss, what happened? Well still well. Well. I am with you. ..."
xxx: I raised my head on him at the last words, and he turned away, pulled out his neck, talked to me, and himself in the monitor looks! and!!!! to
YYY: Maybe it wasn’t you, but the combat car?
and xxx ((

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №108472
 23.01.2015
A written book, no matter how brilliant it is, is unlikely to be able to change the everyday lives of people.
That you are in vain, batenka.because of some written books world wars are taking place.and in general the literary joke is the most interesting.clearly my opinion - you need to read different literature (this is due to both classics and cyberpunk)) and not the refresher and Dontsov.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №108471
 23.01.2015
The expression invented..."fucking cheese"....the chef of the cock pulled me cheese some cosher expensive, say let you lie in the server room, and then it smells very awful...and it lies now in the server room smells, now the whole cabinet smells, I have already wrapped it in 2 double packs, it still smells....you go out of the office, then you go in and say "fucking cheese".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108470
 23.01.2015
The pornography industry needs professionals. And not only directly in the field of services, but also in advertising! We had such a sign in the public house that everything was clear to everyone, but everything was decent and censored. And beautiful! It is actually a hotel. And the customer called, praised, grit, the influx of visitors increased. Well, good advertising is a great thing!

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №108469
 23.01.2015
Police urge Norwegians to stop complaining about snowfall
“People call and complain that it’s snowing and that they’re late to work because of it, or that the postman couldn’t bring them the newspaper, and so on. Such applications will be considered!!! Lastly,” the police said in a statement.
As the police spokesman said, “People should accept the fact that they live in Norway and the snow will still go.”
-
Strange impression: the population - fools, police - fans of their business.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108468
 23.01.2015
I remembered too late:
Here one guy complained about Tarkovsky, he did not like him.

A joke on the subject:
Flying Serpent Gorinich three-headed, meets Ilya Muromza. The first head says.
“Iliush, be my friend, cut off my head!
Why this?
The second head.
We went here to the cinema to fly. Two heads want to look at Schwarzenegger, and the third – Tarkovsky. A foolish eye!


[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №108467
 23.01.2015
here here :
And then suddenly "boom-bom", "this piece is informative, pay a price".
I was so angry about all this. I did not let go, I found something from where it can be downloaded all (!) And it is free (!). In principle, I read this mistake...
*********
I just read "50 Shades of Grey". Let me know, I think, why these people are so foolish. A piece of information!
She said "nu nahuy" and pressed "closing the tab".
I got acquainted, thanks. The book is shit.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №108466
 23.01.2015
The cat approaches the lying dog, touches the leg. The dog is demonstratively stretched out, the cat sits more comfortably and begins meedly, in turn changing the legs to scratch the dog's nails. The dog smiles joyfully puts him in a pulse - itching a stroke)) From the side looks like a massage session

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