I had to go to the labor inspectorate today to submit a declaration.

I come, on the first floor of the building, my grandmother meets me and says, I will miss you, but they have a working day today from 14:00 to 17:00, and points to the tablet on which all this is written. I was there around noon.

Well, I think okay, what to do, I’ll come at 4 a.m.

I come, write out a pass, get up, find the right office, there is a person sitting 5 absolutely indifferent people.

I said, here is the declaration.

We will not accept them from you.

Emm... and why?

- We have the reception of declarations today from 8:30 to 13:00. Read what is written on the door.

Really on the door schedule, and everything is right from 9 p.m. to 1 p.m.

- Because I will come to you in the morning, if you work from 14:00.

Why do you think we work that way?

On the first floor, it is written in large letters.

(Name of the scene)

The end.

Once I started working in the analytical department of a small bank. My colleague was forging one working forecasting model — I don’t remember which one — and found a rather gross technical error. A formula was confused. He showed the mistake to the head of the department. He, realizing the level of stupidity of the mistake, shook up and promised to find the culprit and deprive him of the quarterly premium. They arranged a real investigation - who when changed what files, what edited, etc. And suddenly it turns out that the chief of the department himself struck. And what did he do? On the nearest leaflet he said that he could not deprive himself of the prize, as it would cast a shadow on the entire department. Everyone had bad words in their heads. but. His quarterly prize the boss decided to give to the one who found the squid. I think he was an outstanding leader. However, he never went above the department.

I drove a colleague yesterday. A colleague, by the way, is a very cute woman, age uncertain: in the soul twenty, in the passport a half. On the road, we find out that she has a driver's license, and it has been 10 years. I was very surprised by this news because it was never noticed while driving. When asked why she did not drive the car, a colleague told the following situation. In general, when one day the car flew out to meet her, she dropped the pedals and the steering wheel, pressed her legs and covered her face with her hands. Then, on her own experience, realizing how her brain responds to emergencies, she realized that under no circumstances could she ride. So he rides the subway, safeguarding himself and potential neighbors on the road.

There are enemies all around, one in the mouth.

Six months in a relationship. The girl is cute, calm, such a lamp and home. The case is approaching the rings, but there is one problem: her mother. He opened up, and in no one, “He’s not a pair of you!”
A call this morning:
It is cute! Take me with my mom to my grandmother. My car was blocked and broken. I cannot leave.
Okay, I mean I have to. He took them from the entrance, and heard what he said:
And I say, he’s not a pair for you! This guy happened by chance. and ah!
Further the road through the whole city, as usual, traffic jams, traffic jams behind the wheel, ice and mate do not speak out as ladies in the cabin.
We went to the right courtyard, on the narrow path you have to go to the next house. And on the right is the "pradik" with the driver's door open. The driver is driving, the monsoon is listening. If I close the door, I will pass by calmly. He signed, his hand with the middle finger was pushed out. He was angry and went out. On the other hand, the harry advanced, twice my, wider.
Thank God, I won’t lose my leg. As a fool entered the salon, he knocked on the door. And passed quietly. He stopped near the desired entrance, and the future aunt, already leaving the car, gave:
I seem to be wrong. I’ll see you, and a couple more.
I now feel like I don’t know anything about my foot.

For 30 years and 3 years Ilya Muromets was lying on a warm oven... And then, when the receipt for the heat for all this time came, he took the sword and went to the management company.

This story happened in Perm on January 18, 2019. At the police station, a call came from a young boy.

The child in tears asked that they "take his parents and put them in jail because they are behaving badly." The officer tried to find out what exactly happened to the boy at home. But the child was literally hysterical, so his words were incomprehensible. The police decided to go to the scene. The address was by the boy.

The police opened a young woman, the mother of the child. She and her husband were confused and did not understand why the police called them. The officers searched the apartment and found a boy standing in the corner. At home it was calm.

From the conversation with the parents, the police found out that their son wanted to get a chocolate. But he was rejected because he did not clean his toys. As a result of the parents' protest, the child's demands became hysterical. The boy thought of calling the police. He explained his behavior as follows: "I wanted my mom and dad to be taken to the department, and I could get the chocolate and eat."

According to the boy’s father, they played criminals and policemen several times with their son. The father simulated calls on the numbers "02" and "112", so the child remembered and managed to independently contact the police.

Such a ridiculous and at the same time ridiculous situation forced employees to close their eyes to the false call and not to fine the family.

I am on a wedding trip. "Well wedding and wedding, many get married, nothing unusual," I thought until this day.

The bride calls and promises that they will take a loan for the wedding, but since the bridegroom is not given, she will take over.

What amount of loan did you decide to take? Something I stunned so much that it became difficult to think about. I ask

I don’t know why you’re so worried, Lily. The guests will give money, with them we will repay most of the loan and everything will be fine. The bride explains.

The half? ! to In the credit? ! to Two days of play? ! to Yes, for your soul, for this money you can buy a car, sit down in the rest and take a vacation to the Caribbean, mill! And even if the marriage breaks out, you will at least have a car left! Wake up, mother, you are creating a wild thing where your bridegroom does not put any fucking money into this feast! Well, you want a loan for a wedding, so take the amount that you can "pull" or take equal amounts of loan. It makes sense to take pollamas on this matter, and also on yourself, and on the condition that your husband, in any case, will have nothing to do with this duty.

No is! We love each other and Dima said he would make payments too! Well, they don’t give him a loan because the ZP is small, so what to do now? ! to And I only have a dress worth 70,000 + his suit + spending on a restaurant, a photographer, an operator, a limousine and a tamada! He also invests in the wedding - he will go to buy tapes, balls and cake. Well, plus for the wedding, I do not call the poor and they will give normal amounts, and we will close the loan.

and hm. Thank you, of course, for not considering me a poor man. Exactly what amounts should the dear guests give to your wedding?

A thousand, twenty-four thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand.

I'm sorry, but I can't come to you, I don't have such a gift.

Say that you are sorry for money and you are just jealous! The bride shouted and dropped the phone.



how to react to this. But I’m glad that I saved 10,000 on a gift for this wedding.)

I was once asked in comments how old I am. I replied, I was removed. Do I need to grow up quickly or take the time off, or how?:D

How old are you, if not a secret?

No, I won’t buy it for the second time.

While undergoing treatment in a hospital with a diagnosis of "gaymoritis", I met in the corridor with a girl who was also treated in the ENT department. We talked about everything and about swimming in the swimming pool as well. She so passionately advised at least once to dive into the icy water that she always did it and that before entering the hospital she had been morching with friends. Everything would be nothing, but the drainage tube from her forehead caused some doubts about the benefit for me of this procedure.

My uncle last saw his passport in the summer of 2017. The family's forces conducted two searches in 2017 and 2018. Five people twice turned the whole house up. The search was futile. The passport disappeared.

To understand my uncle and why he just didn’t go for a new passport, the man is extremely unpopular, when he thinks of walking around the offices, a cold steam comes out on his back.

Summer of 2018. My uncle gives me a flower store and asks me to give it to the lombard. I can’t, I don’t have a passport. Upon arriving at the Lombard, the devil rushed to ask me if they didn’t have any falling passport. And what happens? The girl asks the name in the passport, leaves for 5 minutes and takes out her uncle’s passport that he left here more than a year ago. I ask :

Why didn’t they just call? You have all the data.

Called several times.

I ask my uncle:

You were called. Which hero did you not take the phone?

Well, some left numbers are called.



Thanks to the girls from the three-digit golden net.

When I buy honey and listen to fairy tales that there is no gram of sugar added, I say, "Oh, okay, I buy a person with a deadly allergy to sugar, from sweet only honey can be."

And immediately the show begins, like, “No, well, maybe a drop, little.”

And only one said, “Let him come and eat my honey with me.” Now I only buy it from him.

It’s just your own dog, your friend as a human being. The other dogs did not take such obligations on themselves.

Sam was very much waiting.
and waited.
When they have lost hope. Nine years of waiting - and suddenly pregnancy!
Sam was fed by the love of his parents. Even slightly overfed. is blurred.
Mother of Samy - Lily - a childhood girl. I saw a lot of hardness and little love. Lily loved the Sevon for herself and for him.
Father Grish is a child from a large family.
Grisha was very loved, but he grew up as a caterpillar, because his parents desperately earned a living for a large family.
Grisha and her brothers grew almost in the yard. The court taught Grish a lot, showed his place in society. Not a leader, but not a servant. Strong, confident and self-aware.
Grishin’s parents waited for the Seven with no less passion. Even more though! The first grandson.
They cried under the windows of the nursery over the blue ball in the window that Lily showed from the second floor.
Seven are five now. Paul the sixth.
Sam turned out to be an intelligent but outspoken child. And what else with such a concentration of love for one baby?
This weekend I spent with my grandparents.
Lily and Grisha went to the country to wash the house for the summer season
Mr. Sevoko was brought home by his brother Grisha on Sunday. He handed off his nephew with jokes and additions.

Soma was cheerful, ordinary, his mouth sprinkled with chocolate.
In the evening, Lily divided her son for a swim and noticed... two red stripes on the pop. Traces of the belt.
Lily’s hands were cold.

Liam did not listen to his tongue.

Oh yes mom.

What happened to Grandpa and Grandpa?

And what happened? I did not understand Sam.

Are you beaten?

and yes. I jumped from the back of the couch. Grandpa said once. and two. Then the sofa broke. I barely gave Murphy. For the third time my grandfather beat me. In the Saturday.

Lily was crying. With all the despair he was capable of.
Sam too. I looked at my mother and cried. compassion for myself.

Why didn’t you tell me right away?

I have forgotten.

Lily realized that Sam, because of his age, did not give this event special importance. He was hurt more than hurt.
Lily was hurt. very painful. The heart hurt. The Circle.
Lily jumped out into the kitchen where Grisha ate dinner.

“Sema won’t go to your parents anymore,” she cut off.

This week?

In general. never ever.

Why is? Grisha has stumbled.

Your father beat my son.

Did he beat?

I gave a belt.

And for what?

In what sense “for what”? What’s the difference “for what”? Is it so important? For what? Grisha, he was beating him!! by REMEM! Lily shouted, almost hysterically.

“Lila, I was scolded all my childhood like a goat and nothing. not died. I’ll tell you more: I’m even happy about it. And thanking my father. We were all ripped. We are a generation of crooked asses, but that’s not deadly!

Are you for domestic violence? Do I understand correctly? She clarified with a steel voice.

I want you not to make this a tragedy. Less than a mouth. I’ll call my father, I’ll find out, I’ll tell him not to punish Sevk anymore. Let me tell you that we are against. and calm.

Are we against it or is it not deadly? Lily could not calm down.

The belt is the best way to communicate, Lily. The fastest and most effective. It was the belt that explained to me the danger to my health of smoking in garages, fighting at school, stealing apples from other people’s gardens. It was the belt that explained to me that it was not possible to burn fires on turf swamps.

What about the words??? Wouldn’t the words come to you??? Has no one tried?

Words explain everything else. For example, you can’t eat candy before soup. But if I eat, nobody will die. And if I burn turf, I will smoke and steal, it is a crime. Therefore, the belt is like a crying sign. Not just “can’t.” It can not!!! to

Fuck these signs!

“Lila, there was no juvenile justice in our time, and when I was raped, I didn’t think of revenge on my father. I thought I would no longer do what I was punished for. Father’s education is an hour before going to bed. He came from work, ate dinner, burst out for offenses, and immediately came to kiss before going to bed. I adored my father. God made it. I loved my mother more than her, who was kind and supporting.

Grisha, do you hear yourself? You say that beating children is the norm. You say it, just in other words.

Everyone is a psychologist for themselves. Psychologist and pedagogue. And everybody will tell you in the magazine "Split Raditors" about what kind of mental trauma a child is hit by the pope. And I, as the carrier of this poop, officially declare: no one. No one, Lily, was injured. Even the opposite. The longer the bruises hurt, the longer the lessons are remembered. So slow down the turn. Sam goes to her beloved grandpa and grandmother.

After I negotiate with them.

Lily sat down, looking at one point.

I understood. You are not against domestic violence.

I am against violence. But there are exceptions.

That is, if there are exceptions, you will hit Sam.

Exactly so. I will hit you too. If there are exceptions.

There was a heavy silence in the kitchen. It could be cut into portions, so tight and tangible it was.

What are exceptions? She quietly asked Lily.

of different. If I find you with a lover, for example. Or I come home and you, well I don’t know, you sleep drunk and the child is abandoned. A clear example? Sam is scratching. If, for example, he will go to the railway station alone and without demand, if one day he comes home with extended pupils, if... I don’t know... he will kill an animal...

What animal?

Any kind of animal, Lily. Remember when he walked on a sandal at two years old? and killed. He played it and then killed it. He was very small. I understood nothing. And if he does the same at eight years old, I will take him off with the belt.

Grisha, you can’t beat children. The women. Can’t you understand?

Who said this? Who is? What kind of expert? The belt is the shortest and most accessible way of communication. We are all fooled, you know? And no one died from it, but they grew up and became good people. It is an argument. And a society plunged into the dungeons of fictional grotesque rules, when a child can file a lawsuit against parents, is nonsense. Wake up, Lila, we are in Russia. Finland is far away.

Lily was silent. Grisha brought a plate with dinner.

I hope you understood me correctly.

and hope.

Lily quietly left the kitchen, went into the room to Sam.

He played as a constructor.

Sam had different toys, even dolls, and there were no soldiers. Lily hated violence, and did not want to see it even in toys.

A soldier is a warrior. A warrior is a fight. Fighting is pain and violence.

Grisha means that sometimes fighting is a defense. Lily wants to say that in a civilized society there are enough verbal battles. These are two polar points of view that are not compatible within the same family.

Will we go swimming? I asked Sam.

The water has already cooled, now I will heat it.

When is the first number?

The first number? Hm... Well, today is twenty-third... In a week the first. and what?

“My grandfather said that if I go to the balcony alone with the window open, he will send me the first number.

Lily breathed hard.

My grandfather will never sleep again. It will never hit. If that happens, promise it! You will tell me immediately. and immediately!

Lily approached her son, sat down, looked him strictly in the eyes:

Sam is never. Do you hear? Never go alone to a balcony with an open window. It is dangerous! You can fall down. and die forever. Do you understand?

I understood it, Mom.

What did you understand?

You cannot go to the balcony.

It is right! Lily smiled, pleased that she was able to teach her son an important lesson. And why not?

My grandfather wrapped my belt.

In addition, according to our company rules, you should not disclose the amount of your salary to anyone.
In fact, I wasn’t going to be ashamed.

We lived next to the forest. One beautiful and quite ordinary morning, our neighbor Galina, as usual, went to work. The unusual thing was that on the way she found a frozen protein on the ground (we then never found out for what purpose she picked it up. Maybe on a necklace, maybe on a collar, or on the principle of "everything will work out in the farm"). In general, she took the white home and went to work herself. The son was already in school at that time, and the husband was returning from a business trip that day.



After a couple of hours, the chief looks into the department and tells us that Galkin's husband is calling with some strange questions, saying whether everything is okay with his wife, whether we have not noticed something strange and asks to send her home urgently.



In general, the protein was not dead, but very even alive. She warm up in the apartment and decided that she was the hostess here. And our Galia, in trouble for herself, from the morning blinked and left a note to her husband. White those blades throughout the apartment on drying and hanging. Especially stunned in the corridor on the loose horns. When the door to the apartment opened, she hid.



Now imagine your husband’s condition: he wasn’t at home for a week, he’s coming in, and there... BLINKS EVERYWHERE and a note “Dear, it’s for you!”

If an actress does not shine with talent, she shines with her naked body.

Police and thieves. There are two sides of the barricade called the Law. The thief steals, the policeman catches. “The thief must sit in prison!” said the hero of the popular film. The police are obliged to protect law-abiding citizens from criminals. It is in theory. In practice, you are facing the opposite phenomenon. I didn’t believe that the police would protect a hot criminal caught from law-abiding citizens. It turns out that it is so. Moreover, the thief knows that the police are on his side. The thief entered the house, stole, was caught with a barrel, did not have time to escape, surrendered, did not resist. Called the police hand in hand. And where will he be taken? In a prison? In a few hours he is home. How is it? But so, in fact, nothing is missing, there is no public danger, for which he is in jail. And if they were caught and the thief began to bull, to suck with pins. The question is, can I put him in the mouth? Wouldn’t this be an excess of the necessary defense? Although it happens so.
Middle of the 90s. The employee bought an apartment. Repaired, furnished new furniture and moved. Invited to New York. We fell down with the entire brigade, bought gifts, gathered together with a warm company, drank, ate a snack, talked. They departed. According to the owner of the apartment.
I got the test great. I don’t remember being in bed. Woke up at night. The dryer presses, water needs to be drunk urgently. I go into the salon, I don’t turn on the lights, I see the shadow melting. Probably she also drank water.
Arkadij Semenovich, is it you?
Quietly, what you eat, you rebuild the whole house. The voice of the witch came from behind.
Ferguson, who is in the apartment. I turn on the light and see a young man in the corner.
Boy, what are you doing here?
Silence is disgusting.
Are you a deaf, a fool? How did you get here?
Volodya, maybe he doesn’t speak Russian.
Now he will catch up on the bread, he will immediately talk.
What are you doing, shit?! to
The boy becomes on four and with the size a couple of times applied a moustache on the floor. Smelling blood from a broken nose and a broken lip, he declares in pure Russian:
Now you give me a thousand shekels and I will leave. If you don’t, I’ll tell the police that you beat me.
To say that I’m squeezed is not to say anything. Here is the statement. Enter to bomb the apartment, hit and still demands. The shore was over. The test was not confused.
Let us let him go.
He shows me out the window. Here I also understood. In two jumps jumped to this hideous, I beat the penalties on his backs, and while he holds them - I add the roses. The test takes him by the hands – I by the legs and one or two in the window. The third floor, high, but under the windows of the bungalow is growing. The bushes are high, coarse, will not die, although the mouth will strike considerably. From the bottom there were cries, bushes, mat. After ten or fifteen minutes there was silence.
Testo went to the kitchen, I followed, drank minerals, smoked to calm the nerves and broke up to sleep.
In the morning, at nine o’clock, a call in the intercom. I see the police. I open, they go up to us on the floor and straight into our apartment. Two people come in, a boy and a girl.
You have a complaint. You are accused of attacking a young man, beating him, taking the money and throwing it out of the window.
The victim asks: where and when did the robbery happen?
About 10 p.m. in your apartment.
Idiot, I couldn’t think of anything more plausible.
“Mr. police officer, I’m not asking how your victim got into the apartment, I’m wondering how you can rob and beat a person in front of a dozen and a half guests? You see, we celebrated the new home yesterday and the guests were about twelve. How can you imagine the robbery in the eyes of so many people, including women and children? Your victim lies as he breathes. If you want the names, phone numbers and addresses of all guests, talk to them. I will make a list for you now.
The policeman walked around the room, looked at the window, looked out the window.
How do you explain the traces on the window and broken bushes under your windows?
I also looked out the window, pretended to be studying the traces on the window, examined the floor under the window.
So I knew. Tell me, is the victim accidentally not numbered in your file? Why do I think so? I have a higher education and I read books. And a good idea. He went to the window to clean the apartment, broke up, scratched his mouth in the bushes, and in the morning: “I was beaten, robbed...”, he didn’t write there that he was also raped?
The police officer asked a few more questions: where I work, who else lives in the apartment. The woman wrote a protocol.
With your words, we have drawn up a protocol. Please read and sign.
Yes of course. All the good.
I heard them calling their neighbors on the staircase, then walking around other apartments, but all the neighbors were also in our new home. You see, it’s been almost two weeks, until it’s been quiet, it’s not called, it’s not called.
This is such a story. I can add that I was also called and asked for the party for a long time. What could I say? Only those who were and who drank. I was struck by the question itself. Police are on the guard of the thief. I don’t think this is his first theft – according to Volodya, he was too aggressive. No wonder he has a lawyer. He is also a frequent visitor to the police. As the saying goes, “Whoever, except a thief, should sit in jail.” Fantasy in Reality.

When the missionaries arrived, we had the land and they had the Bible, and they taught us to pray with their eyes closed. When we opened our eyes, the earth was with them and the Bible was with us.

and today. The store. On the box in front of me – a girl of school age and rather poor look. Buying a postcard. The cashier says to her, “57 rubles.”



The girl breathes, turns and begins to slide past me to bring the postcard back to place.

I say :

Stand up, what are you?

The girl:

– Well, I have 7 rubles missing... – and shows a half-piece compressed in the fist.

Go to the box, I said. I will pay you seven rubles. – In response to the girl’s questioning look, I add: – Well, let’s like, a little New Year you have today...

The cashier pierces the card, I count the money, the girl takes the card and says, “Thank you very much!”

But it’s nonsense... The most important thing is her eyes at this moment. The child was really happy. He happily escaped the store.

P.S. The postcard read, “Happy Birthday, Mom!”