My girlfriend and I were 17 when her parents left for a couple of weeks and we decided to live together. It is clear that young blood, nights (and sometimes not only nights) passed violently. During this time we lost a lot of weight, and when I got home, my mother, gently speaking, was in shock. When asked what happened to me, I replied that we were just running in the morning, and my father added, “We were jumping at night.”

My friend is very cynical.

As soon as he stands late in the evening in front of the light, waiting for the green.

2 boys pass by, aged 20, are going to go on red.

He said to them, “Girls, stand up!”

They slow down, on the ponts turn to him.

A friend gets the phone, turns on the camera: “Go!”

Waiting for the green.

A dream not fulfilled in time is not considered fulfilled.

of Russian capitalism.

One girl, a manager on the sidelines, earned 150 thousand rubles a month. That is, orders she brought millions for 10-15.

What would a foreign capitalist do? He built a labor team and announced gratitude before the service, handed a check and some coffee maker as a gift.

What did the Russian capitalist do? He went into overwhelming thoughtfulness and ordered the accountancy to give up everything and look for financial violations in the girl for past years. Of course found. Then the girl’s quarrel began, which ended with a verdict:

You get 20 thousand, and the rest goes to cover past violations.

The girl resigned.

I talked to other girls managers. Everywhere the same. In a fur trading network, a girl-seller from God, in order not to pay the annual bonus, organized a criminal case, finding cash breaches of one and a half thousand rubles.

Putin would have long fed schoolchildren hot lunches, but the constitution did not allow him to do so.

Do you feel stressed when a woman earns more than you?

Yes is no.

Why is?

“You know, my first woman I lived with bought me everything. She had her own house, car, and career. I even bought me food. I didn’t have anything, but I was happy.

Was it not stressing her?

No, not from the beginning.

And then then?

“And then I knocked 18 and she said, ‘Push the shit to work! “” It was my mother...

I am looking for a job and a specialist I am in demand, so a lot of calls and invites to work.

- We offer you a rate below the specified in 2 times, and the job is not quite on the specialty.

I: I’m afraid it’s not right.

Come to an interview and we can make an agreement.

I: Where are you?

- our production in the neighboring town (type Butovo in Moscow)

I: It doesn’t suit me at all. I have to take a taxi for about 2 hours.

A bus from you.

I: it is 3, 5 hours (with traffic jams all 4, 5)

You will get up earlier.

I: I will sleep 4 hours a day 5 days a week

and six days. We have a working day on Saturday.

How teenagers hand over phones for repair:

Can the phone be repaired?

Hi, of course leave it.

When will it be ready?

Tomorrow, if the problem is not difficult.

Can not today?

Do you see how much I have on my table? Everyone needs today.

How can I be without my phone all day?

Laden, what’s going on with him?

"Well he fell on the asphalt, his car moved, then the rain began, he turned off. I thought the battery was down. He came home, put on the charging, his sparks flew. Will it be ready today?

Our neighbors (and I grew up in a private house) kept chickens on a free pasture in the yard. Periodically, neighboring chickens had to be chased out of our yard. Talks with the neighbors did not result. So, a hole in the fence is carelessly covered, and chickens after some time again climb to us or simply fly through the fence.



This situation annoyed me exactly until one day, in a secluded place, I found a feather of eggs. Having softened, the eggs were taken, and the place was also covered with dry grass, for the comfort of the chicken. Take care, say for health.



For a month, if not more, we picked eggs every day. And the chickens no longer need to chase, and with the neighbors to argue too.



However, after some time, all the chickens were cut off feathers on their wings, and all the holes in the fence were carefully made. Probably it seemed unfair to the neighbors that they feed chickens and the chickens feed us. I liked this compensation.

When they don’t want to change anything, they change the government.

After the revolution, the narcoman of education Anatoly Vasilyevich Lunacharsky gathered the intellectuals who were underdeveloped in the former Petrograd and addressed them with a speech: say, you, comrades, probably think that we, the Bolsheviks, are opponents of Russian culture and, for example, do not recognize and love the great Dostoevsky... So this is not true. Even now, contrary to your views, we have decided to place a monument to this brilliant writer... We just don’t know what to write on the piedestal. Could you help us with your suggestions?
The silence reigned. Suddenly a professor stands up and makes his proposal:
- Write this way: "Fedor Dostoevsky - from demons!“”

The new minister of health has become the former head of Roszdravnadzor.
And the new head of Roszdravnadzor became the former minister of health.
I say, they really change the beds in the bordell.

On one of those days when I was in second or third grade, and the year 2001-2002 was in the courtyard, we were knocked on the door. I heard a familiar voice from my room and decided that it was for me, but the grandmother came back and told me not to leave the room. I remember listening to their voices from the kitchen and I couldn’t understand why I was shut down! I remember being very offended then.

Only many years later I realized that my classmate was coming - a boy from a disadvantaged family. When the mother went out to drink, there was no little bit in their house, and the hungry child was walking around the apartments and asking for some food. My grandmother didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable because of me.

In the early nineties, when the telecast had one and a half channels, and already rare cartoons were interrupted by the release of news and often not included back. I think many remember this injustice. And here again, having viewed the entire issue and not waiting for the continuation of the cartoon, I split up. The grandmother quickly grabbed the phone and pretended to call the number.

“Alo, the television studio? Why do you interrupt? “She asked. After hearing the answer and putting on the phone, she turned to me and said, “They have no technical capabilities.”

I was absolutely satisfied with this answer and I immediately forgot about the cartoon.

By the way, my grandmother worked in state security all her life, so even as a child I was confident in her authority. This is “no technical capability” I remembered for a lifetime for some reason.

My wife once sowed a snorkel. I advised her to throw the second over the shoulder and she will surely lead to the lost one. Should I say that she gave up and lost the second?

I always go to bed before my husband for about 2 hours. And I always wake up when he enters the room. One night he was playing with a friend on the console, and a few hours later I heard him crawl into the room and crawl on the floor to jump sharply and scare me. I felt the light vibration of the floor, and I felt how it struck the edge of the bed in the dark. I stretched out my hand and asked not to scare me. At that moment, I was very scared and begged him to just take my hand and go to bed. I didn’t see anything in the room, but I knew he was there, and I just waited for him to lie down. It was then that I heard him talking to his friend in another room. I was stunned by horror.



Eventually, when I got a little away from the horror, I immediately grabbed the phone and texted my husband to turn on the light in the room and look under the bed. Of course, he found nothing there.



I know there is sleep paralysis or conscious dreams or something like that that can explain it. But hell, I’m surprised how real it was!

In October 2018, I developed tendinitis in my hand, so I went to a doctor who specializes in diagnosing and treating such cases. I remembered this expert very well. She was a very happy, conversational, Asian-looking woman with straight dark-castan hair and glasses. She had some German surname, which I suppose she got from her husband. She was very nice and we had a long conversation about the medical conference she was attending. She told me that my hand problems (caused by phone use) were a “hot topic” of the conference and that she would use my case there as an example.



Anyway, she gave me care instructions and sent me home. I was told to go back if the problem did not resolve in a few weeks and I would need to go back to physical therapy.



The pain never passed and I went back. I had an appointment with the same doctor. But the woman who entered the room was completely different. She was white with light-castan hair, without glasses, a completely different shape of the face, a really ugly and unpleasant character. I was confused. I asked her what her name was, and she named the same name as the doctor of Asian appearance. I asked if there was another doctor with that name, and she said no, only she. I described the previous doctor I saw, and she got angry and said she didn’t know who I was talking about.



Later on the site, I looked at the hospital staff and tried to find an Asian doctor, but couldn’t. I have no idea what happened to her. I even checked my medical card to find out, maybe I just mistakenly remembered her name, but there was nothing. On both visits, the doctor’s name was the same. It scares me very much and stresses me that I have met a person who seems to no longer exist.

An entrepreneurial person is one who at the first opportunity seeks the second.

In my life, I have walked for mushrooms twice.

The first was when I was 11, I was riding with my mother and picked up a bunch of mosquitoes, because I didn’t play. The second time at 16, after which I finally did not like it. In fact, about the second time and I want to tell you.

So it happened that from six years old I lived in a small town in Yakutia. This end is crazyly beautiful and just as crazyly harsh. Winter is hard and long, summer is short, sometimes it is hot. One such summer, my boys and I decided to go for mushrooms.

We were 15-16 years old then. They sat in the courtyard, suffered from a hernia, and here Seroga proposed to get a natural, natural hammer. As the time approached evening, we decided to leave the next day, early in the morning. Well, as earlier, the collection was scheduled for 10 in the morning, at this time experienced mushrooms are already cleansing the lawns, but we were somehow pocher, there is more that the summer, according to rumors from the same mushrooms, turned out to be harvesting and harvesting in the woods was a breakdown.

And since the summer was harvesting, and we lived in Yakutia, in addition to stories about the grasslands sowed with mushrooms and berries, we walked around our town and stories about bears. It was the second month of our summer, and about the meetings with bears in the local newspaper wrote ten times. Apparently, full of clutches, the stumblers suddenly grabbed a portion of peace and tried to stifle with people.

True, they were not very close, most often they were seen in the country villages, 3-5 km from our town. For you to understand better, the city itself was 4-5 kilometers in diameter, a large village, essentially. Well, and the taiga started immediately on the outskirts of the city, so it was not far away to go. We decided to go for the iron. For railways, it was a bit, which was a kilometer from the city. Later, we had our own bump behind the iron, but about this - another time. And this time we were going to explore those places, moving away from the railway for about another kilometer, to the opposite side of the city, naturally.

And here, at 10 am in the designated place stand five darmoods 15-16 years old: Seroga, Stas, Andrei, Slavik and I. In the pockets - small foldable knives and packs for mushrooms and berries. One has a special pad for collecting berries and a hose. Well, and all kinds of sandwiches, chocolate juices, for a snack. They quickly reached the railroad, ate there, ate all their supplies at once, and went on. Within 800 meters, several caterpillars were found with foxes and chickens. At 50 meters to the left there were grown strawberries. Of course, the first thing we ate all the raspberries, and then with jokes and joke of the type "Sierra, you will see the mosquito - immediately ham, they are very delicious in fact, just mushrooms specifically about them tell the fairy tales, so that no one can give a secret" began to collect mushrooms.

20 minutes later, Slavik stated that he wanted to mess up, and therefore would go out to mine the devastated raspberries, such as a trap for others to put. We wished him good luck, however, not a minute passed since Slavik returned. Then he came back and shouted “Bear!”He flew to the lawn, grabbed his bowl with mushrooms, and in a few seconds he was on the pine. Nahuya he then grabbed the cage and how he and him in one hand managed to get there - still a mystery covered with darkness.

The meaning of Slavin's scream did not come to us immediately, for 10 seconds we were still dull, looking at how Slavik, sitting five meters above the ground, embraces the pine with one hand, and the other his cage. And then from the side of the malinnik there was a crumbling of branches and a low, dissatisfaction. A few seconds later we were also sitting on the pine trees, and Stas and I climbed on one that was next to the Slavik pine trees, and Serge and Andrey chose different pine trees ten meters from us. 30 seconds later, a bear came out of the field.

“Good morning, fucking,” said Stas.

The mouse was really not small, one and a half meters in the hole and almost twice the length. Cosolapius wandered through the lawn, smelled something, then sat on his ass and wrapped the pine trees with the lazy gaze of the true master of the Yakut taiga.

Do not burn, the devil! Andrei spoke loudly from his bush. Shit the fucking!

Mishka looked at Andrew, scratched his lap, stood up and stunned to his pine.

Go to Fuck! Andrei stood up and went up.

Cosolapius stood on his back legs, embraced the pine and began to crawl up.

The cock! Go to Fuck! Get out, you fool! Andryukh sounded even louder and began to look around in panic, apparently planning to jump over the neighboring tree.

Fortunately, in this moment, the cowboy decided to climb not on the trunk, but on the branches. The branch crumbled, the bear surprisedly crumbled and fell to the ground from about four meters high. For a second ten, the mouse was lying on top of her legs, looking up at the sky and making incomprehensible sounds that would humanly sound like, “Hey, fuck! “Nihua went for the bread!” Then the coward turned over, sat down on his ass and, unhappy with the burch, scratched the bark again.

Does he have fleas? I asked Stas.

It looks like that, I replied.

The coward looked at us. “You yourself are pale,” was read in his gaze. After thinking a little, the mouse rightly thought that two were more than one, and therefore it was more advantageous for him to get me and Stas, like someone to catch one, so he moved to our side. A little bit of a slide on our side of the pine (the pine at the same time felt trembling) he drove up. Stacey and I too.

– Throw them in, he advised Slavik.

- In a point throw yourself a puddle, a puddle, - I cried, taking on the top of the puddle.

By that time, Mishka had already climbed five meters up, before us, he had almost as much left. The pine was swirling, the branches that the bear hit cracked. The mouse cried and thought. My anus at the time was able to snack hardened steel wires. The owner of the taiga tried to climb even higher, but he was hindered by the thickened branches. Cossolapius tried to cling to the branch with one leg, but it was treacherously shaken. Decided today not to fly anymore, the bear grumbled dissatisfied and began to descend. Stacey and I went out at the same time.

10 minutes passed. Through the branches of the pine trees, the warm rays of the sun penetrated, the mouse was sitting on his ass in the middle of the lawn and staring at us, apparently waiting for us to come down. We sat on the pine trees and looked at him, waiting for this mouth to come back into its beard.

— Boys, I want to fuck, — gave the voice Slavik.

“In your bowl of shit,” Stas replied.

We squeezed, and Slavik thoughtfully began to look at his cage. The barrel screamed a couple of times. The bear raised his ass and went to Slavik.

“Yes, blasphemy,” Slavik breathed disappointedly.

Meanwhile, Mishka had already stood on his back legs and prepared to climb to Slavik, in order with him to consider the cage and understand if you can fool it or not.

Give it up, the fool! Slavik shouted and threw a cane at the bear.

Having made a couple of turns, a cage with a ringing "boom", crushed the bear with the bottom on the forehead and fell to the ground, dispersing the mushrooms collected by Slavik. The coward unhappyly burst, swallowing to eat all the mushrooms, smelled the cage, slightly wheeled it with his lap, then climbed on his rear legs and landed in front of the cage. The veil, quite predictable, laughed in a leech.

to shrink! commented by Slavik.

The bear again approached his pine and covered it with its front legs, looking at Slavik, crawling and licking. Slavik got up higher and looked at the bear.

In Bobrysk, the animal! He spoke it.

Mishka unhappyly struck his lap on the pine.

Hey, I’m on your mouth now! He was threatened by Slavik.

Realizing that he had just slapped, Slavik scratched the mole, madly smiled, stood up on the branches and began to take off his pants. The bear looked at the actions of Slavik. We too. Stretching the ports, and looking at it, Slavik sat down, grabbed the branches and began to grieve.

The bear, seeing the naked ass of Slavik, licked and went up. Somewhere at the level of three meters from the ground, the first projectile flew on the mouth of the cradle. The right eye of the beast. The bear snorted, shrugged with a butt, dropping the catch that was attached to the wool, and even faster went higher, apparently not going to forgive Slavik his exit.

From such a picture, our buttocks were compressed so much that they could be eaten atoms, but the buttocks of Slavik, on the contrary, failed and, from fear, gave out at once everything she kept in herself, including the not yet digested borst, with which Slavik had breakfast at home from the morning.

The bear, which had already climbed seven meters, covered his head with this balm. Literally, because the main blow came to him in the mouth. Ochuev from such greed and wild odor, the mouse again raised and tried to shake the shit from his mouth with his front legs. From the terrible attack he even forgot that he was on a tree, which was not worth it to let go.

I watched it like in a slum. Down, crawling, crawling in the air and waving with his legs, a bear with a broken mouth flew. Up on the pine, continuing the "shooting" slapped Slavik with his trousers dropped. Slavik reached the top, the bear fell to the ground. Slavik with round eyes from fear grabbed into the pine, the bear with a wild reef jumped from the ground and broke into the depth of the bowl, shaking with the bowl and melting everything on its way. A second after thirty reves of crumbling silence somewhere far away, and over the grassland, our whistle was spread.

Laughing to tears, Stas almost crashed from the tree when he tried to wipe out the tears that came from laughter. Rushed for five minutes. Then for another ten minutes they sat on the pine trees, afraid of tears, and listened to the sounds of taiga. Slavik during this time found a piece of paper in his pocket and managed to rub his ass, and at the same time - our savior. After sitting on the trees for a little longer, we decided that these mushrooms with berries, descended and reached the city.

Slavik we called Jesus Dristus, a type of savior for a couple of weeks, but the nickname was never attached to him, he then decided to grow his hair, and eventually called him Patlat. We didn’t go for mushrooms anymore. They were going to build their own winter, but this is a completely different story.

What would you advise about this guilt?
- To this blame will perfectly fit the fried white from the bus station.