Call to Sapphire. The woman at age encountered the charms of ADSL technology. Angry he says:

You’re the sixth person I’m talking to. I have this problem: when I press the "Connect" button, my phone connection breaks down! See also: pip pip pip pip.

I play in the area on a playground with a nephew (4 years). A man goes by, speaks on the phone, and as a whirlwind - "Fuck! Fuck you in your mouth! and so on"
Well I almost immediately interrupted it from my own – "Man, aloo! Well, in half a tone of silence his voice made!"
Man further into the phone, but already whispering "You Gandon, I have your merits and so fifty thousand ransomed, so now I will get even pits. "

News in Novosibirsk - In the crematorium boiled 100 liters of strawberries.
First comment: From whom?

xx:Put to me the girl added and claims that I am 20
YYYYYYYYYYY
She also disputes with me that I am 20.
YYYY :
XXX: I'll go to the passport, I'll look at the case
YYY: I have seen
How much of you?
xxx: 20 0_o
yyy: 0_o

Living is always scary, and with a sting even more.
by M. Uspensky

Note on the Neighbor's Door

Dear neighbors and neighbors! A request! TV cables that hang from the roof to your TV. It should be fixed or removed (if not needed). T.k When the wind - they b'ut on the frames and glasses of your neighbors and create the effect of horror! It is impossible to sleep at night. Thank you"

The girl calls out:
D: I have a whirlwind, the windows don’t open, I can’t start anything, what do I do? Save it!
O (flegmatic): Remove the folder from control.
and Pause
A. How did you guess?

The poker site.

I got a shaver machine and decided to buy an electric shaver. I went to the store, picked, bought. Even with a charged battery. And before that, waiting for the purchase, I didn't shave for a week - well, such a normal beard grew up))) I go home, meet a very sympathetic girl. I decided to experiment, very well:

Sorry, can you help me?

Depending on what...

I only have one question to answer, but it is very important to me.

Let me try.

- Tell girls, well, and you in particular, what do you like guys - bearded or smoothly shaved? (I am standing with a beard)

-.... / thought))) /... well of course smoothly shaved (I would answer the opposite - even easier)))

- Okay, wait a moment... (I quickly get the shave and start shaving, first shock, then a smile, then hysteria))))

Nothing will stop us from getting to know. Drink a cup of coffee in...

- ))))))))) Let’s go

Lom: The news on Russia just said: “...the list of candidates for the post of mayor of Moscow will be drawn up, who will lie on the table to the president.”

~WoLT~ (19:31:46 7/10/2010)
Where can I go? 3.

A obedient man will argue with a woman to hear how she doesn’t talk to him.

In this hot summer my dog, as soon as the heat began, entered the house, there was still much cooler, and there was no possibility to drive out this bear until the evening, no carpets-collapses, but somehow there was no one at home, the door (wood) was closed and he bite that door thoroughly. He did not enter, but the door was completely broken. Last week, I bought a green door. I remembered the following story.

I have a friend of Sanya who is just a fan of mountain skiing. And this is how, it was in the early 90s, he ran before he broke his neck, but fame
God, without complications, wheeled him in a plaster, like a cosmonaut in a scavenger: I will only expose his face and neck, so that there is a place to scratch in the hours of long reflection. He sits at home and comes to him a comrade with a request: "You still have nothing to do, go tomorrow to a neighboring new building, there one acquaintance bought an apartment, brought the furniture, made a repair, and tomorrow she must put the door, and she is working and can not attend." He handed over the keys, address and went to Sasa.

It is now I came to the hall, I was asked, and what do I want, what color, what castles and in what quantity and so on, well, the shortest of any caprice for your money, and then the master was alone and glued everything to his taste.

The next day, at the agreed hour, Sanya arrived at the specified address, opened the door to the master and began to observe the work, and the master tells us that he somehow barred himself on the staircase, installed a door with a lock, which opened with a key from the outside, and from the inside with the help of a lock-stop. Only the wall to the end on the same day did not finish to the ceiling, but remained 50 centimeters. And in the morning I found that in the night someone crossed the wall, opened the door with the help of a lockout helicopter and the door left. And now he puts all the locks, which can only be opened from the outside and from the inside with a key. Well, quickly installed the door, closed the apartment and gave the keys to Sane.

And the next day, closer to lunch, Sanyu noticed that the owner of the apartment did not know him and would have to go down and leave a note with their coordinates, or more precisely with the coordinates of the keys from this apartment. Well, Sanya climbs to the right floor, but it must be said that the floor is not low, but not the last, somewhere fourth or fifth, and he hears that in the apartment behind the door, the keys of which only he, someone has. And Sanya decided to open and see, and what he said he will be in the plaster and it will be difficult to damage him. Well, he opens the door, and there on the threshold are two very unhappy aunts, the angry are about to start crushing him, but when they saw him, they began to roast naturally, barely riding on the floor.

And then when they figured out what and how, it turned out the following: one of them is the owner of the apartment, and the other is her colleague at work. And the day before they stayed at work until late (something until 1 or 2 o'clock at night) and they were taken home by service transport (and we must say that they are employees of one of the force structures). Well, a time later and the owner of the apartment offered to spend the night with her, because the time is later, at the same time from there we will go straight to work, well nearby. Well, we got home, the driver still offered to wait a little, but he was assured that this was not necessary and let him go.

They climb up their floor, and the door is new and there are no keys. Not long thinking went down to the nearest phone-automat (I remember the beginning of the 90s, about mobile phones only heard, not what to dream), called another power structure, namely, the then fire department, well-known people were there and called the fire car. They came, but the door did not break, because if there is no fire, then they do not have the right to break, but to raise these aunts to the balcony on the fire staircase and open the balcony door please. As they went up to the fifth floor, that’s a different story. They picked them up on the balcony, drove them into the apartment and left.

And this morning it turns out that the door without a key can not be opened from the inside. And it is also impossible to tell anyone - there were still no mobile phones at the time, and the fixed phones in the new building have not yet had time to spend, well, they are sitting at home, they begin to worry, the thoughts of death from starvation come to their heads and decide that as soon as this picture comes with the keys, they will naturally shake it, become worse and worse, discuss how they will shake this villain, hear how the castle opens, rush to the door to start taking away the soul, and here the door opens and on the threshold stands a man already shattered and thrown into the gips at the very least do not want, here they laugh and shake.

The obsessive mind, in order to start reading the "Manufacturing Instructions" of the unit, must break it.

I go in public transport. Behind me are two basar grandmothers (B1 and B2). That is, naturally market, discuss buyers, prices, etc.
A fashionable girl enters and one of these grandmothers comes on the foot. Next follows a long and noisy scandal, the grandmothers together bring the girl to tears and the girl rushes to the exit at the nearest stop. Then one of the grandmothers shouted after her:
B1 is out!
The girl is running away, I am confused.
B2: What is this word - "forgotten"?
B1: I don’t know, my older man is always saying that. I think it’s now in-hymn "going to the cock"

I read a paper book. To see which hour, I reflectfully turn my eyes to the lower right corner. "1:65 night, time to sleep" I thought. Page 165 is still unread.

Boy_Love_RnB: Fuck I’m frozen straight like you!! to
<Syphon Regina>:in the sense of what am I?
Boy_Love_RnB: As the last fuck@!

She: I am 23 years old, I can decide what to do!
He is a fool. Don’t go to a diploma because your girlfriend has a coat of the same color.

YYY: You were strange yesterday!
Why am I weird?
WOW: Well look at it. At night, you are at the girl's house, you are alone, you lie in the same bed, the light is turned off everywhere, the romance, and you... and you offer her to play the fist!!! You are normal, aren’t you?

Nefrit: I like Kaspersky: looking for viruses and other shit. Section is suspicious. Type in one of the lines: legal program

Nefrit: And really suspicious, where do I get a legal program from?

[KRAn]: When you’re around... The activity of my sympathetic nervous system increases, just as the concentration of catecholamines and testosterone increases in the blood...
PRINCESS : What? O_O
I love you, fucking...