Principal relative

People rage when they buy a coffee machine and say, “I pressed a button and made a coffee.” Guys, good coffee can only be prepared by a certified barista, who has graduated from the journal of the MGU, filfak of the VSE and who has defended the candidate in gender linguistics.

Today, it is the hardest to defend a person who is truly innocent in court.

When I was studying at the university, one of my neighbors in the student dormitory had the misfortune of falling in love with the work of Vertinski for a while. It was a misfortune for us neighbors, because his love was unselfish and generously shared with others through a powerful acoustic system, as a result of which in my brain forever stuck the remarkable line "In a banana-lemon Singapore - in a storm...". So when I first came to Singapore 20 years ago, on a tour of the Botanical Garden, the first thing I tried was to find these wonderful fruits and look into the information center. There, the employee told me that this issue is always addressed by the Russians for some reason and that usually lemons and bananas are in the Singaporean climate without care grow badly, do not survive: too wet and hot, mold and insects destroy the fruit before ripening. They have both in the garden, but precisely because for Singapore it is exotic (disappointment from such news was offset with interest by the pleasure of staying in the famous orchid center). At dinner, I shared my surprise with a colleague – a professor of the local technical university, Russian by origin. He smiled, "You are not the first, you are not the last, many familiar Russians ask this question: why Vertinsky wrote such a line? In my opinion, the options are two. The first is simple: written from a lamp, for the sake of a beautiful rhythm, type, fruitful exotic - it's all from those edges. This is possible, but it is doubtful at least because at that time lemons were exotic only in Siberia, but not in France and not for Versailles. He was a literate man, a professional of the word, wrote ill-fated texts, spoke in Europe to educated people, cosmopolitan, and would hardly be able to compose an open nonsense. The second option is more interesting. Singapore, as a British colony, has long been distinguished by the anglicalization of the local inhabitants, who received the nickname "banana" - yellow on the outside, white on the inside - which is widely used toward westernized people with Asian roots, although it is condemned as a manifestation of domestic racism. "Lemonny" is the nickname of the British Americans, which became fashionable in the world after the First World War. Both this and the other Vertinsky could quite hear in those circles in which he then revolved - and there was a kind of calambur, a tangible and concise description of the population of Singapore, quite understandable to the then audience of the performer."

A date is literally a sex interview where everyone hides previous work experience, and some have not even given up.

XXX: My daughter was long canoeing for us to buy her a dog. I was against it, as she even does her home duties only after you remind her three times. But the wife decided that it was a good idea, the daughter will learn to be responsible. I bought. Her daughter drove with her for two weeks and struck her. The wife does not fit the dog, because "it is a daughter's animal, if she doesn't take care of it, I't." As a result, all the care is on me, although I don’t like animals very much and the dog I don’t need this nail. I looked – the puppy is good, smart, obedient, generous. He asked for his friends and gave him. The daughter and wife began to scream that he had no right, the animal was not bought to me. This is how to explain to these fools that the dog is a living being and since they cannot be held responsible for it, there is no need to torture the animal. Both of them are now on sale, and the winners are now on sale.

I studied at Peter in the 2000s at BGTU. I lived in a shelter in Kupčino and then I did not have my computer and free internet access. And then there were popular internet cafes or computer clubs. People were mostly in Quake and CS, and I was just surfing the net and writing letters to my friends. I sit and hear the guys of the hip-hop speaking with each other and one says to the other: go before that Chinese dig (and I am a Korean, I came from Kazakhstan). And he replies to him, “Yes, you chase, suddenly he knows kung fu!” This is how stereotypes about Asians saved me from possible trouble.)

Bad when the only option of regulation is a revolution.

At work in the office of four working all four single men. A woman came today from the shop, looked around us and said: "To marry you all urgently need, or sit - life rejoice!“”

Shortly about me:
I have sinned, but I am inclined to repent.

Xxx: I walked around my old neighborhood. I decided to smoke, to posthumously, near the childhood store. At this time the girl approached, and at the entrance staircase to the store left a wheelchair. I am still in my thoughts, I remember running here for Scooby-Doo stickers and here I get that the wheelchair with a child stands, and already a third cigarette. Like you, I think of the sin to keep the wheelchair away, so that nothing happens to the baby, and then make the mother a tough excuse, like yours. However, just as I approached the wheelchair, the mother of the child came out of the store. She stared confusedly from the top of the stairs as I stopped near her wheelchair and didn’t get up into the store. And then I had no idea what improvisation was, but instead of the planned moral teaching, I gave out with a loud voice:

“Nothing, nothing, next time you can stop me, and I will eat your baby’s flesh.



I turned and went looking around, because I understood that I could hardly eat, but no, she was standing like a buried on the top of the staircase, then rushed to the child, and then I turned over the corner and ran, because I understood that I was quite overcrowded.



If you’re reading this, and knowing yourself, I hope you’re not offended, and now you understand that I’ve sincerely tried to help, fucking know what it was at the last moment, forgive me)

Xxx: before 30 is generally difficult to break into the bosses, and after 5-10 years you already burn out.

Around a dude. One on a pick-up in working hours sits, the other eggs rolls to Nastya, Nastya thinks who to give and if a good manicure, another crendel tries to work, but more harmful. And the only suitable person to the tales about the increase of the ZP is not conducted and wants to drop.



Yyy: and everyone secretly hopes that this only suitable person is 😁

The further and unreachable the brighter future, the closer and clearer the brighter past.

Once as a child, my girlfriend and I went to the forest on horses. It took us far beyond the usual route and we managed to get lost. When the road completely disappeared, turning into a barely noticeable path, we tried to go back in our footsteps, but it only got worse. “Now, probably, it’s lunch,” I had time to go hungry during the confusion. And, apparently, not only I. Hearing the promised word, the horses synchronously turned in one direction and passed through the forest and took us, the fools, to the barracks.

Interview with a candidate for the position of security guard:
Who do you see yourself in our company in five years? Eight letters in vertical.

XXX: The other father set the condition. You finish with a medal + you go to the universe yourself (normal, not a pallashkin office) - gives your praetor, finishes the universe with a red diploma - buys a new praetor. Now a friend and the place of work is great, thanks to the knowledge and praid there is)



Yyy: There’s one little but – I need a father with a grandfather

I worked in a bank, a girl comes, I don’t remember what nationality, but not Russian.

I start the passport scan, the girl in the photo is clearly older and larger, but the same nationality and similar facial features. The client notices my doubts, says that she lost weight after giving birth, and the photo was taken, in the last month of pregnancy, when she was very swollen.

Well, I think no, I will not assume such a responsibility, I call for it to be checked (standard procedure). In the bank, as always, there is no parking lot, no client, no manager. The client is nervous, I too, she is already on elevated tones continues to convince me that in the photo she is, I take her time, she has a child at home and there will be a complaint.

After 20 minutes, the castle still comes, checks the passport and confirms my words, the photo is not a client. And immediately, right away! The client with a modest smile apologizes, says that this is her sister's passport, and she sits with the child, can't come, asks to wait, do not throw down the voucher, she is now running after her.

She ran away, came in 3 minutes together, didn’t even apologize, she threatened them with a finger and said it couldn’t. It still scares me how close I was to the mistake.

Previously, writers were born, now they are growing.

Early morning. It has not yet dawned. My cat and I are in the kitchen. I drink coffee and smoke. The cat, having embraced me with all four of his legs, hangs on me and cuddles, blinking his eyes, splashing and dropping saliva, and occasionally sucking his nose into my cup to smell my coffee. These hugs last for half an hour. And I wake up so early precisely because of kissing the cat. Because then all day this red seven-kilogram brutal pretends we’re not acquainted. Half an hour of happiness.

The deputy found a magic lamp, swept it, and from there the gin:

I am Jean, I can fulfill three of your wishes.

Deputy :

First, I want no vessels to exist at all!

by Jean :

Ready, you have no wishes left.

Deputy :

What fucking thing? You said I have three wishes.

by Jean :

Put me in court!