Question in the magazine:
How do I keep the volume of my hair if I wear a hat?
The answers:
How can I maintain an erection if I wear a swimsuit?
How can I keep my breasts large if I don’t wear a shirt?

XXX: Recently, somewhere I heard: if in every car in the barracks to push a bottle of nitroglycerin, then there will be no offenders on our roads at all.
YYY: There will be no drivers on our roads in this case. Only the holes will get deeper.

Our sales manager communicates with customers from Surakarta:
- No, I haven't been to you in Surgut...and, sorry, I hope I won't be O_o

I hate the evil property of food smelling deliciously before it’s ready.
XY: I hate the ability of food to smell delicious if it’s not mine

From the comments to the article about the car show:
The Germans have a beautiful saying. The Germans have two problems, the wife-shalawa and the car-Opel.
YYY: I would have their problems.
Zzz: Talk to your wife, suddenly you only have to buy a car.

And last year Finnish scientists found that the volume of GDP is dependent on the length of the penis of men living in the country, in the form of the reverse U-shaped letter. That is, countries whose men have a medium-sized body tend to be economically advanced, and countries where the size of the “dignity” is too large or too small are relatively poor.
Yyy: * closing your eyes * - LESS!!! to

The clearest assessment of my diploma was given by my dad when he sent it by mail with a banner, valuing it at 30 rubles :-)

of reservations: "Russia's doping team is suspected in biathlon"

At home it is cold, my PM is cold, lying with a temperature. There is another cat. I write them a sms:
Cat, touch the foot of daddy’s lobby. If it is hot, go out to warm up. If it’s cold, bury it!

I am sitting at work, writing to a girl:
You are not dumb.
You just don’t know what I’m thinking about when I chew you.
You know, when I think of myself, I also think of it XD

StyleR, 24.08.2012 16:12:32
Do you know how to tie clothes?
Or I’ll take a tail and go out on the street asking the girls to tie up.

creepd, 16:14:54
Why a Seal? Take a champagne ;)

StyleR, 16:17:39
Better than TAPOR (so reliable)

creepd, 16:19:52
Why not? Take champagne and flowers... and go fucking. As soon as they get stuck, you say something like "Well, fuck this fool, let’s get to know you"!
And with a tail to walk it is only to wash the socks to ask...

The case was in Sweden. In the evening, I tell my partner a joke: journalists ask Lukashenko - why, say, in Belarus are such high loads?
He invites them to the farm - around bright light, clean, there is electronics.Lukashenko approaches the cow, scratches her behind her ear:
What will we give today, milk or meat?
We meet him in the office tomorrow. On the first floor there is a huge coffee machine - that's just something she doesn't want to work in the morning. T. approaches the car and gives out in Russian almost without an accent:
What will we give today, coffee or spare parts?

Was Pushkin and his fat aunt in the comics?

Venetian55
The size of the screen is not scary, on the contrary, super, you will get used to it! Only in public transportation all the others will see what you are doing!Imagine a screensaver girl with breasts on the galaxy s2 and this same girl on the galaxy note 5.5? You sit and next to you stand holding on the hand of 3 men and watch in your smartphone on your breast :)
nsktravel
Think positively!
Here’s what if these three men are from the FSB and are watching you. And so they looked at the breasts, noticed, and you - hop at the stop and remember what they called! Or they looked around, noticed, their hands unwittingly bended to the size of their breasts, here the driver sharply on the brakes - flew to the beginning of the cabin, struck the grandmother, the grandmother raised a scandal, they had to present the quives - they were exposed! Or they looked around, they noticed, they began to discuss, and you remember, in the department... a, a, a, on the listening... and you are such a burner – well, what has a twenty-year-old hipster student to do with a forty-year-old dulled engineer and a sixty-year-old half-boy? All, opened, titles will not wait, the prize will not be received!
And if they didn’t look around and didn’t notice – then they’re p...aras, which also doesn’t color them and adds healthy laughter, which, as is known, prolongs life! Their life!
More of Positive!

Where is the money for the new Volkswagen?
and saved.

Q: Kiss, forgive me for not washing my dishes this morning... I couldn’t get up early... And I took the last chicken with the potatoes :-[
M: Just when I saw that you had a cupcake I picked up and decided to make a snack. So don’t worry, I washed the dishes and ate them. By the way, it's time to become a grandmother and get out of the house that you bring little money into the house))).

Whose flag is this?
yyy: United States of Great Britain!
Fuck... I’ve gotten...

He: Remember, you called me a puppet, and I said I didn’t like it?
She: I remember
Remember, you suggested to figure out how to call me?
She: I remember
he: so I think the ideal option is to address me "my white gentleman"...)
Have you thought about it for a long time?
He: You forgot to add "my white gentleman"!! to

Relying on the first or second often interferes with the third.

“Alye Parusa”
One of my acquaintances works as a personal driver for a major party boss at his representative Maybach. Usually this car stood in the garage, but in the necessary cases it was removed from there, performed its function and put back. A friend then moved on his modest "ren" and went to business.
In particular, he went to take a second-grade child from school. With his child was a friend of the boy Vitya, an orphan who just wandered in cars, but nobody ever followed him. The acquaintance could have taken him, but they lived in opposite ends from the school, and Vitya left from the opposite exit.
And this is the situation - the kids come to the school for "kajenas", mersa, "lexus", and behind him, a car fan who knows all the automotive brands of the peoples of the world and gathers any information about them - no one came.
Childhood was cruel, and the boys laughed at Vitey, but he, whispering, replied firmly that their car melody does not interest him, and he is only waiting for "maybach".
And suddenly one day at the gate of the school and really appears this huge chic car with a wooden body of manual work, immediately obscured all the nearby cars. From it came my acquaintance (his boyfriend got sick, and a friend invented this thing) and called Vitu, opening the front door before him.
The boy acted as if it was what he was expecting. With Paphos he sat on the passenger seat and carelessly smooked his classmates with a pen.
No one laughed at him anymore.
never ever.