bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135260
 27.10.2016
I am the master of my destiny. My necklace and necklace don’t say anything about me. The fashion accessories.

[ + 36 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135259
 27.10.2016
It is never funny.
of Crimea. Summer of 2104. All events have already been shaken, the referendum has passed, and Crimea has joined Russia.) We and our colleagues work in Crimea – we meet with the population, we try to understand how they had everything arranged here, and they, the population, try to understand how Russia lives today and what it really is).
In our group - four, we live in Yalta, we are responsible for the Razdolnensky, in my opinion, the district, in the very north of the Crimea, no matter how strange it sounds.) To the district center - 320 kilometers, then transported in the settlements, 1-2 on the brother, again gathered in the district center, and in the hotel, in Yalta. The circle is 700 kilometers daily, the temperature is 35-40 warm, there is air conditioning in the minibus, but the shirts / clothes are wet through, get up every day at five in the morning and cut off at 12...
We come back somehow. Lunch at the road cafe. Externally, it is not a very large building, not completely decorated; as it turned out, the "Greek-Ukrainian" option: you don't pay taxes. Inside - very even decent - the hall is huge, good floor, good textiles, decent identical dishes, homemade normal tables, comfortable, although simple, wooden chairs. Very clean and very light, even somehow comfortable.
The owner is a Tatar, low, rooted, sloppy-perforated, just over fifty. Rare hairs, almost a chokhlatsky "chub", or rather, the remains of a chub, there is no eye, brushes like legs (I have wide hands, but he generally has one - like two of mine), rushed, in the dark from the ground and everyday work cracks.
We were fed by the owner, sitting with us at the table (eight or nine people, together with the accompanying district-republican headquarters), which is called, "from the pulp", I only meat dishes five pieces counted, respectively and vodka went as a drink, not alcohol).
We finished, we drank tea, it was time to go.
I wanted to account for everyone - the owner does not take money. I told him, thank you, of course, for the hospitality and salad, very pleasant, but we are able to pay for ourselves. He is something like - I owe you a life, I will eat and drink for free all my life.
I’m a “life-debt” – a speech figure, Eastern hospitality and all that, but I’m used to paying for myself always and everywhere.
He owes me – Russia, Putin, always, life, I will not take money, you will offend, etc.
I again - we can pay for ourselves, we can not eat a good person, and the local bosses are like two of my... although I have a lot of)), a joke of the type I...

Here he told me:
“My family and I have more than 2,000 sheep in the herd. The family was my wife, my eldest daughter with my son, my grandson, and my youngest. We do it ourselves, we bring something to the market and to restaurants, we sell something here in the cafe. Especially no money, but for clothes and gasoline is enough, barks chew grass, and we have our own food)) (This is now he, as if, jokes)
With all friends, we do not pay anyone, everything is calm and well.
In the winter, at the beginning of the year, two cars come to us - one with our guys from the messies, the other - with strong men aged 35-40, as they presented themselves, from Western Ukraine. Everyone was sitting at the table, I fed them, they ate, they ate; they are told that they have a training camp of 25 kilometers here in the steppe, 200 people and dozens of American instructors. They like my food, ready to take a lamb for camp.
They pretended that 20 sheep a week would be enough. I tell them how it is more convenient - I can raise and refresh here and bring them only bodies, I can bring alive if they want to eat fresh food every day. And what about the money - will there be an advance or on delivery will be paid?
The eldest of them quietly looks at me and says - grandfather, and lambs - is your contribution to the independence of the country and money, you understand, nobody is going to pay you.
I am silent, he is also at first, just looking at me normally, and then completely quietly, without threats and screams, says: Grandpa, I don't like your expression of the face. You, of course, we will kill immediately, your wife is old for us, will wash dishes in the camp and cook - will live a little longer. The puppy (the grandson) will also be shot immediately, he is still looking at us as a wolf, here are your daughters normal, we have two hundred hungry men, they will fuck in three shifts, without a break for lunch, according to my experience of two or three weeks they will last, then they will die themselves, so choose you, we will come in a week.
They stood up, thanked for lunch and left.
What to do... I would have a large family with uncles-brothers-neighbors, even if a man of 30, took the guns and nobody would touch us, no one would start the war.
Run...and where are the bears? You will not steal with you, but our, from the meslis, will show the road again...; leave here - and ourselves for what to live, neither money nor relatives of the rich...
I thought, I thought, in the day they found the granddaughter bride, 13 years old, immediately the wedding played, here in the same room, there was a man 300, everyone I could, called, walked away as needed, I young three days from the bed did not let go, so that I endured for sure.
The grandson was bound, so that he would not break out, and sent together with the young wife to her relatives; his mother, my eldest, barely convinced them to go with them - who will raise her grandson, and about us and mother will tell too.
The younger refused to leave, he says, daddy, well who I need, where I will live, there is no money, no work, close relatives too, only prostitutes go, I don't want to, I'll stay better with you and my mom.
Well, wife, it is understandable where she is without me, all her life together, not even thought, with you, says, I will stay...
I understood that I had to kill my wife and daughter first, because I would shoot again and again, and then they would kill me, and they would get these guys.
But the worst thing was when I began to think which one of them to kill first. If you kill a wife, the daughter will never forgive me; the first daughter, the wife will curse me.
I almost went crazy, I began to fear that I would put my hands on myself, and they would get them.
Here the daughter approaches me and says, “Dad, don’t be afraid, my mom and I will wait for you there, you won’t wait long.”

Fuck, I am a healthy strong man, with iron nerves, and then from the usuality of the story of this one-eyed Tatar was covered with muzzles...
I look at him and really fear to ask what happened next.

He looked somewhere in himself, as if he had remembered something, breathed and said, "And the next day Putin brought troops to us.
Now you understand that we all owe him our lives.”

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135258
 27.10.2016
Only a small vase fell from the table. And our cool boss was upset by this.
He was mad at the fact that the deaf cleaner, who always cleaned in secret talks, turned to this unexpected sound.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135257
 27.10.2016
In the "Gorilla" front of me a little girl asks her mom: "Can I have a beer?" Mom says: "Yes". And while I’m looking for my jaw on the floor, the cashier pierces "Kit Kat".

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135256
 27.10.2016
Dear website manager, you have probably been offered this a thousand times, but I will still try.

I am a fierce grammar-nazi, I want to be a moderator with you. and free.

Shake up if anything.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135255
 27.10.2016
kemerov4anin: we have a picture with the Dalmatian in the children's folder with colours (we print the children on the h / b printer).

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135254
 27.10.2016
We do not sell alcohol and cigarettes to children under the age of 18. Take it just so.

and.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135253
 27.10.2016
FillipOK: for the first time decided to order a few small goods from a famous Chinese online store
FillipOK: after reading the reviews, I realized that most of them will come straight into the mailbox
FillipOK: My mailbox is not locked from the day of delivery, so first ordered a lock from them for it
FillipOK: package with the lock ripped out of the box
FillipOK: I look forward to the rest of the packages

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135252
 27.10.2016
If you work for your uncle, then understand once and for all, your taxes are 13% of your income, your pension and your hospital are paid by your uncle’s employer because his state is upset.

Does anyone want to pay a 50% tax? Well, let’s divide this amount so that all social benefits are paid by the employer from his salary. It seems to workers that they are low, and that the money from their labor is paid by the employer, and not they themselves - so who will find out about it.
In other countries, the social workers are transparent with their salaries and the people require good service, the same amount is paid.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135251
 27.10.2016
I go to work today. The snow was on my knee.
I hear the conversation of two men at the stop.
XXX: We will not get to work today.
YYY: Okay well. Go swallow again.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135250
 27.10.2016
gt
xxx: The test flight went really well, and the only problem arose when landing.
yyy: I think this is true for any accident of something flying.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №135249
 27.10.2016
xxx> I will make bags then, the current a little bit more pizza :)
Yyy> will the bags be later or better? and :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135248
 27.10.2016
The dentist, while making the tooth, told the story of a aunt whose metal-ceramic tooth broke. She admitted that she had knotted them nuts.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135247
 27.10.2016
Labour idiots cannot understand that a person wants to work without interruption (in difficult and harmful conditions).

In Labor employees just understand that the greedy idiot wants to earn all the money, so that then warm up in the sun and do nothing... but in fact it is good if he just throws off the bowls years after 10, because more often after these 10 years he begins to first crawl around the hospitals in the hope of somehow smoothing out the consequences of the violation of labor norms (and subsists those contributions that he paid on the OMS, in multiple amounts), and then climbs on VTEK for disability and a pension on it, born. The norms are written with blood.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135246
 27.10.2016
I come to work with a five-minute delay, a colleague tells me that before this some new boss had time to come in and left with the words "Now I'll put you in order!" Here I began to sit and get nervous until it was clarified that it was the head of the rubbish cleaning in the offices...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135245
 27.10.2016
"So we are at the exhibition of the vanguard! For the skeptics, I will note: the avant-garde is, first of all, art, and only then - that it got. (KVN, team of the NHU, 1988)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №135244
 27.10.2016
My mother is a teacher. He works at school and likes it. In addition to the ZP, which is becoming less and less. Soon, the ZP became a net salary.

Today, the director was crying at the teacher's office, that the opposing state has divided the school, does not allocate money, a few months will be difficult, etc.

-It would be necessary to write to the prosecutor, to eat - then I want to... - after drinking coffee, my mother went away to herself.



At the end of the day came the part of the ZP, which "was detained by the state". This is the magic word of the prosecutor.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135243
 27.10.2016
And you, girls, I advise gently to answer something like "Chuck, I would be happy, but my husband does not allow". 90% will be behind and will not be offended.

It follows that a man will not move a wall, or that no one will know, or that I will be better off, and so on.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135242
 26.10.2016
One of the largest synonym dictionaries in the list of synonyms to the word "man" offers the variant of "the man".
But say hello.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135241
 26.10.2016
What is there in the composition of the same that is not in the vodka?
Hm... the love?

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