I come home somehow from work. On the way, I go to the kiosk next to the subway to buy bread.

I have a white bottle, please. If possible, refresh it.

and hold. The most fresh I have.

I look at the date and I realize that my wife and I have a birthday today! I usually remember always, but this time I wavered and forgot. Well, I think I went well for the bread!

I go for a gift and flowers. I come home. A woman opens the door. With a solemn look, I handed her a bouquet and a beautifully packed box:

My dear, with anniversary!

My wife is surprised:

Thanks, it’s birthday tomorrow.

And then I realized that the bread was sold to me really fresh, tomorrow.

When you kiss a beautiful woman, you usually think, “If only I didn’t talk!“”

at the operation.

Above the head large round lamps, in front of the face of the screen. Over the operating table three heads in white hats.
“Now you will feel the injection,” the doctor said.
A light injection is felt and the doctor continues to ask about children, about work, about life. He makes several more injections and checks how the anesthesia worked. My spontaneous speaking occasionally pauses and is immediately encouraged by the doctoral: “Yes, you say, you say. How about your younger?“”
Anesthesia has already worked. When will the operation begin?
“It’s all,” the doctor replied.

The state listened to Onishchenko with his speeches about the harm of masturbation and revolted against the self-employed.

Those who lived in hell should not be afraid of heaven.

Three years ago I almost daily had to wheel in the Gus-Krustal district of the Vladimir region. One day, on the highway of district significance on the road stood "Niva", and next to it a man in camouflage waving his hand with a request to stop.
Have you seen the dog? He spoke questionably and described signs.
No is! I assured him, did I not meet him, was he lost?
I followed the rabbit, there is almost no day! He shattered his hand.
Maybe at home already? I gave him hope.
I live in Baluchia, which house?
Especially the birthplace? I found out why I was worried, dear? A purely commercial vessel was broken.
What is this here?! Yes, she... She’s a family member, you know?! to
I understood, not foolish, especially because in his eyes there was such grief and sorrow, that I desperately wanted my children to worry about me.
Give me your phone number, if I see or know, I will call. I assured him.
I returned almost a day later, the car was still on the road, but it moved a few kilometers. Here I had stopped myself, after a while and the man pulled out of the forest. Snooped, weakened and unshaken.
Did not find it? Instead of greeting, I started a conversation.
No is! The worst thing if suddenly somewhere in the trap or loop fell, will die of hunger or pain! With tears in his eyes, he replied.
What do you eat or drink?
- Yes, I have something, and I can always go to the store, but how is it there? How!! to
After these words, I also had an intense desire to break into the woods and look for this dog. But anyone of you has seen the "Murom forests", they say that it was in them that Ivan Susanin made his feat. But the thoughts about the dog did not leave me for three days, and I could not stand the phone, the number he gave me.
have found? After goodbye, I said. Have you found the dog?
You won’t believe, she came home. and herself!! to
How to Home? Did you say you live in Baluchia?
This is where I came, yesterday evening. I go out of the entrance, and she sits!
What did the rabbit bring? Still not believing his words, I cried I didn’t understand what.
No, I didn’t bring a rabbit. - He whispered, - the road is far, apparently on the road and ate!
So why I told you all this, and to the fact that if you go to Yandex maps and direct the line, then there will be two hundred, and she came and found the house. And that’s because she’s a family member, I tell you exactly. And what they have in their heads or elsewhere, the navigator stands, only they know. But the good is sure, nature is we have changed with our roads, cars and other shit quite a lot, and it works, but the main thing at the same time is still to be a member of the family, knowing that you are loved and awaited there. So from that day on, I don’t really believe in the tearful stories that a cat or a dog in one city was lost. Ten steps from home. Maybe she just doesn’t want to go there.

In your resume you indicated that you are destroying ghosts.
and yes.
But they do not exist!
Do not thank.

xxx: Interestingly, soon it will be possible to buy ready skills and pump into the brain at once?

Yyy: 8 billion people and everyone knows Kung Fu. What a boring...

ZZZ: The opposite is true. Drunk fighting will be more spectacular!

Youth is not just given to man. In old age, there is something to regret.

Two years ago I was on a road trip to the festival. The driver chased at great speed and, almost knocking down the man who crossed the road, stepped out of the window and shouted: "Clearly cross the road, you can't see all kinds of cars!"

Dad insisted on a cranberry on the cognac. I call him father-in-law.

When I meet a girl, I first look at her eyes... If they are, I don’t have a lot of chances.

He studied at the Institute in 2006. As the department was full-time, there was trouble with the work. I made a wash, no matter what money to drive. Worked for 2 weeks. We were replaced by Vitaly.

The dumb guy says nothing. The first thing that alerted me. On the second day of meeting, I called and asked for a loan of 1000 rubles. I naturally refused him. It seems he was swallowing, and knowing I don’t know him exactly.

I go to work after a couple. The manager is in panic. I ask what happened.

The administrator: “All the tube! All the money was stolen.”

The cameras are natural. began to look. This Vitalik on his working day, just approached, pulled out everything and dropped it. Admin in panic, where he lives, does not know. They worked naturally without work. They told me to call the owner. Everyone was nervous, there was our SP. By the way, at the time we got 25% from one car. I called the owner and we waited.

You will not believe! The door opens. The same Vitaly arrives. He goes into our dressing room in front of us and says, “Are you so strange? »

Admin asks with a stinking face, “Vital, why did you come back? »

Vitalik said, “I forgot to charge my phone.”

Naturally, Vitalik returned the money. Video showed him. He got it very hard then. They murdered brutally. There were also the admin and the owner, and the guys in exchange.

The paradox of all situations: steal the cash and return to charge the phone. What kind of devil should you be?

XXX: I stumbled out of the mortar tea seam. In general, the guys frozen, through the app you can see the temperature of the water, adjust to what temperature to heat up, the temperature-supporting mode, has a minimalist design. But shit, they didn’t foresee the most important thing because, in my opinion, you could have taken this cup of tea! There is no remote launch. that is. You still have to go to the boiler and press a button to boil the water. (Plus there is no sensor showing the water level.)

YYY: Can be turned on with a drone

Some banks are taking photos of their clients. I sat recently in such a neighbor's table a guy is re-crediting. The manager says to him:

Look at the webcam, I’ll take a picture of you.

He jokes subtly:

Should I smile?

The manager:

and no. Why to smile? The loan hangs on you.

The colleague stayed in Novomihilovsk (Krasnodar Territory) this summer.

We settled in a small private hotel. Near the sea, almost under the windows of the disco.

The 7-year-old daughter apparently bathed in the sea, from the nerves of moving, darkened and could not sleep, cried... The time was about midnight. I remind you: almost under the windows - a disco with eternal "For you, I will give digging" and "Black Eyes"...

A colleague went out to smoke on the doorstep, so as not to hinder his wife from laying the child.

The owner of the hotel appeared.

Why don’t you sleep, dear?

My daughter is crying, she can’t fall asleep... The disco is still running.

We will fix it, dear! The owner said and went somewhere.

A minute later, over the beach, the hotel and, accordingly, the disco, a loud voice heard:



Why do we listen to the same thing every night? Let us today instead of loud music listen to the noise of the sea, the voices of friends, the whisper of a beloved girlfriend. Let’s listen to a toast for a glass of wine! Especially because the noise from our discotheque prevents a child from falling asleep, who is a little sick. Let’s wish him health and make the music a little quieter. I hope you won’t object? A great thanks.



The man did not believe his ears. The disco continued, but the music was much quieter.



In the morning, my daughter woke up healthy.

He spoke to the hotel owner:



You are just a magician! Enormously thank you!

He only smiled cleverly:



No need to “Thank you” now. Come next year and thank you!

xxx: oh.... was with my wife, at the time when she was not yet a wife, a rabbit... how much this furry cold was fucking, it was a puzzles... she was fucking on the floor evenly so that it was impossible to get on the floor and not get on her "dirty"

YYY: It is clear. What about the rabbit?

To the Russian heaven is to the American to die.

Military cleverness is a necessary thing in the army, disorienting the enemy is not a field for you to cross. At those exercises, our group was created from representatives of different families of troops, according to the legend, the remains of the broken units left in the deep rear of the enemy. The goal and task is to survive without communication, without possession of the general military situation and conducting sabotage actions. All conditions are closest to combat. According to the same legend, an army special force consisting mainly of officers was sent to our destruction. It was clear that the special forces would heat up in the deep night, when we were exhausted from the march of throwing and carrying out combat tasks and had to stagnate in the field camp for a short rest. Protecting a camp when professionals act against you is a difficult and possibly even impossible task with our forces. Therefore, after a small operational meeting, an unusual decision was made. Our group broke up into two parts, most of the mashalata's clothes lay in the nearest hole, masquerading themselves in swarms, and a small one created in the camp an imitation of his vital activity. Lie in a cage even in military equipment, when you can not smoke anything, move, it is not sweet, but your life is at stake, even if it is conditional. How their intelligence group worked, we proceeded the campaign, but they did not calculate us, and our in the camp simulated a full outing of excellent. At about 3 p.m. we found the main. They moved like ghosts merging with the snow, and only the shadows of a rare moon made them move. And the commander gave the team – forward. Attacks from the rear the special forces did not expect, we rushed in a fierce rush with heartbreaking cries. Every oral was what it could, this cry raised our military spirit and was supposed to bring confusion into the ranks of the enemy. In the first fight, we crashed on them like a wave on a rock. Great results did not give, but it aligned the front line, putting us and their walls on the wall. A small pause occurred, the enemy apparently analyzed where help came from to the object being cleansed, and we looked at them and thought they were foolish or not foolish. The wolves of the special forces stood against us. The matter. Years of learning to kill. There is no place for either master or martial arts. The situation was rescued by Sergeant Gordeev, who remained in the camp with a group of "mullage". This is his cry:
In time brothers. We are terrified on both sides! Forced the special forces to dissolve in the snow.
No, they did not shake, did not escape, just the military science of their units says that if the intelligence data do not coincide with the real situation, it is impossible to develop an operation to avoid personal losses.
It was not a pure victory in the battle, but it allowed us to survive the night, and the light to go in front of any even the super-trained special forces, just filled. We represented their selection and were proud that we were not a lick. That, by the way, at the end of the exercise confirmed the command.

The Russian government has decided to raise taxes for the population to stimulate the growth of the economy.
Immediately after, the Chinese authorities announced an urgent reduction in taxes for the population to stimulate economic growth.
So the most important secret of China’s success and economic prosperity of the last 30 years has been uncovered by chance: These cunning narrow-eyed people do what our “efficient” do, and then just do the exact opposite.