The warning of the Ministry of Health on a pack of cigarettes "Smoking leads to impotence" is ineffective. “Impotence leads to smoking.”

I spoke to my girlfriend recently and she said:

I don’t understand why guys love porn so much. What’s so interesting about watching two people have sex?

I answered:

Two of them??? The people! → So, and I’t watch.

I come somehow to arrange in one office, which is a regional department of a large company.



Interviews a young man who suits me as sons.



Given my age, I decided to start off.



He begins to ask dumb questions and tests for first-class students. And likewise, all kinds of tricks like getting up from a chair without bending your legs under it and not bending your body, catching a bill flying between your fingers, etc.

In short, all those tricks that the students of 9th grade who know physics at least a little bit.



I looked at the case, and I say.



Can you do these tests yourself?



- What a family, I am the head of the department, call me Ivan Ivanovich.



“Ivan Ivanovich, you will be when you are my boss.

I repeat again. Can you do it yourself?



Of course, I work here, so I have passed all these tests.



I doubt, because these tests cannot be performed because of the laws of physics.



When I realize that I no longer have any light here, I begin to troll it.



Now let me introduce myself. Sergey Semenovich I work in your main Moscow campaign "secret buyer". I travel through regional representative offices and check their work under the guise of a visitor or candidate for employees.



And if you do not now complete all the tests that were required of me, you will be fired for incompetence.

(I would like to remind you that it is not possible to perform them physically.)



That was the look. I have seen such horror in my eyes only once before.



Having said that I’m coming tomorrow and he has the whole night to train, I dropped out of there.

I think it was the longest night in his life.

Xxx by Metro. Hour of Pick. There is not yet an old man sitting on the edge. On the contrary - a couple of students or just young office dentists.

A struggling aunt. She looked at the man:

The young man! Give up the lady!

Madam, are you not an officer? - Just moved forward his stick, hinting that he can't stand, - take off the young man.

They’re going to be foolish, and you’re intelligent.

The smoked man:

Are you serious about not sending me? Go go you fuck!

Pure theoretically, if a person is perfectly easy to spend money, it means that he has no problems with earning money. But the theory is a false fool!

Here the entire internet is friendly to Keanu Reeves, who talked kindly with the boy at the airport. Oh, the star has descended to a simple man. I remembered this.

Lenka, my wife, went to the nursery for our younger daughter, and I stayed at home with the older one. The daughter for the first time in her two-year life so long separated from her mother, crying all day, and in the evening began to suffocate. We called an ambulance, which did not arrive for an endless time. In generally accepted units, this infinity was probably half an hour or less, but when a two-year-old child is about to sink on your arms, time flows differently.

I went out with my daughter to the yard, sat on the bench at the playground before entering. I thought that from here I would see an ambulance sooner, and the daughter would be easier in the fresh air. She really stopped crying, but still breathed hard, with terrible whispers. Then I heard a very familiar voice. I raised my head and saw Tatiana Drubich.

Now, not everyone remembers this actress, she is almost not filmed. But then there was the peak of her popularity, just released "Ass" and "Ten Negroes". And for me it was... how to explain it? Well, you know how those who at the age of 13-14 watched "Guest from the future", fancy Natasha Guseva? And on my 13-14 came "One Hundred Days After Childhood" with a fourteen-year-old Drubich. Without a doubt, the most beautiful girl of Soviet cinema, it was she I imagined in my teens. And here she stands before me in the flesh and asks how Lena is doing, has she already given birth or not yet.

I knew from my wife that Drubich was taking her daughter to a kindergarten nearby and sometimes walking with her after the kindergarten on our site. But she saw me for the first time – that is, not only distinguished Lenka among other moms and remembered that she was about to give birth, but also recognized the daughter who sat stuck in my chest, wrapped in a blanket. It’s Keanu Reeves’s level plus 10, but it’s just the beginning.

Drubic nodded at her daughter and asked what happened to her. I was upset – what did she, a popular actress, do to our plebey problems? He replied reluctantly:
He has a bad breath and waits for an ambulance.
“Let me look at her,” Drubic said. I am Doctor.

I got a stethoscope from my bag. I did not understand anything. What doctor, why a doctor? He gave her a look at the girl.

– It is asthma, – decided Drubic. But don’t be afraid, the attack is not strong, they don’t die from it. Put her here (she showed), squeeze her chest here and calmly wait for the ambulance. Everything will be fine.

From her confident words I calmed down, the daughter took over my calm and began to breathe smoother. The ambulance soon arrived. It really was asthma. She then accompanied her daughter for 13 years, before we moved to the United States, and went there without a trace. Whether the allergen that caused it remained in our Moscow apartment, whether in general the New York ecology is so much better than Moscow.

Then I read that Tatiana Drubic is really not only an actress, but also a doctor. She graduated from the medical institute, in parallel with the shootings held a reception in the district clinic. Maybe the patients were surprised. Here are the artists we have, where there is Keanu Reeves.

The child of Yandex employees, responding to the lesson, first tells two advertisements.

Xxx: here I can work and a colleague will come to me and ask in 10 minutes what to do. I will say, of course! And then, somewhere in a week, I’ll, for example, sit at dinner and say, Fuck, I forgot! Another month to worry.

In order not to get into history, it has to be well taught.

Criminology is the science of criminals who fail. Those who got caught.
The science that studies the fortunate criminals is called political science.

Once I started dating a guy. I came to visit him. It was great (I thought so). In the morning, he was busy doing business and smiling told me not to rush home, drink tea and feel at home. I was not in a hurry. He came back in half an hour, completely surprised that I was still here. On my smile, he said, “I’m serious. Fuck it now...”

In 2009, I went to my relatives in Ukraine. We were three, my wife and a four-year-old daughter.

Already on the way back, coming to the border, I understand that I still have a fairly large amount in hryvnia.

The next time I could go to relatives not sooner than in a year, I think I need to spend some money.

I went to the store, I bought all the food and for the remaining money vodka.

Vodka in Ukraine then (I don’t know how now) was cheap and good.

We went to the Ukrainian customs. Ask to open the luggage. The following dialogue follows:

So what is here with us? The Alcohol! How lucky are you?

6 liters of vodka.

Did you know that you can take out of the country no more than 2 liters of strong alcohol per person?

We three too.

The child is very small, but the girl does not drink.

How do you know?

Customs officers hit and missed without further inspections.

He tied his daughter’s coat. It was great, not to be distinguished from the factory. A week later, the coat was stolen from the school’s closet. The husband brought his daughter in his jacket. A few days passed and my mom called and told me that a girl was walking in the park wearing a coat very similar to ours. I climbed very fast, looking — indeed, a girl in our coat. Walking with Mom and Dad. I approached and polently asked where they got that stuff from. They say that my grandmother brought it from abroad. I explained that the coat was handcrafted, and that I tied it. The mother of the girl was surprised, and the dad became nervous and began to call his parents. A few minutes later, my grandfather came to me and began to scream at me, “Lying! The German coat. The company! We have a check!” I just flipped. She said I had evidence: remnants of threads, spare buttons, photos. And most importantly - the underlay is sewn with your hands, it is not a factory for you. After these words, the mother of the girl took off and returned the coat to me. She said, “I am so ashamed of you.”

She asked me to see what happened to her computer. She complained that the car is abnormally "silent" and pepiodically squeezing. I ppaevily stated that I refused the ventilatorp in the power unit. Subpuška was a fierce buyer, and apparently bought ppi pabote constantly; the tobacco resin hit not only the ventilator BP, but also the ppocessopic bullet. The CD-ROM subset also did not go out on the same lines. It was the only computer in my practice that died from buying.

When I was a child, I had a period when my mom went to the strawberry in Poland, and I stayed with my grandmother and grandfather. I was 6 years old, maybe? Maybe seven, I was already in school. No mobile phones, only a fixed phone. And in the evening, after dinner, (the grandfather worked as a night guard, he was not at home), I go to my grandmother before going to bed to wish her a peaceful night - and she lies and stands, does not speak. Bad for her. At the time, my grandmother was just under fifty years old, and her health was always excellent until then. I panicked into the neighbors (a house for two apartments, issued from the factory). The neighbor opened a few minutes after the knock, I was already licked with tears and soaps. I heard that my grandmother was sick... She told me to call the hospital. The door shut. To other neighbors to run is not an option - far away, and the dogs there for the night descended from the chain, not away from the fence to people.

I went back to my grandmother and grabbed the phone book, trying to find the hospital number - an ambulance then, if I remember correctly, was not. It was necessary to call the hospital and, if lucky, the car will be free and will arrive (a small town at all, one hospital and one ambulance). I cry, I try to find that fucking number, the grandmother is no longer standing, just lying. It was very, very scary and unclear what to do. Mother doesn’t call, to Poland... And grandfather worked far away, there half an hour on a bicycle to go.

Two minutes later, a neighbor broke into the house, I still remember - in pants, but without a shirt, barefoot. I looked at my grandmother and ran to start the car straight, undressed. He carried her there and took her away. I didn’t sleep that night, it was terrible. In the morning he came and said that everything was fine with her, her heart grabbed hard, a micro-infarct or something.

My grandmother was well after the incident, she lived for almost fifteen years. She was taken to the hospital on time.

A good man neighbor was, served us in a similar way a couple of times, carried me to the hospital twice when the ambulance was busy. I didn’t even say goodbye to his wife after that. She told me in the morning that as I could, he didn’t sleep before work because of me. A dog, not a man. In the head still does not fit how she could block the door in front of the child, I knew that the mother was not at home, only me and my grandmother.

Hope is a dream within the limits of what is possible.

Indian actor Amir Khan made a very unusual donation. From his face, the poor were given 1 kg of flour. and all. 1 kg per person. Since it was only 1 kilogram of flour, many people did not come for extradition. But there were only those who really needed and who had nothing to eat. As a result, everyone who took help found 15,000 rupees in bags with flour. The money was given to those who really needed it.

During pregnancy, I could not sleep: then the couch was uncomfortable, then the pillow was hard... She gave birth. Now I lean to the doorstep, and it is soft-soft.

My friend works as a babysitter in a private kindergarten.

This story she told me:

We have a boy, Cole, who, as I thought, was very much in love with Alice.

Very often I noticed that he gives his compot to her, and he doesn’t drink it very much. Sometimes he thinks that no one sees them and changes their glasses.

The children are always sitting in the same places and each time the same picture.

But later, when I made a comment to Cole and asked what it was about, it became clear that it was not about being in love. Just Father Coley said that compot makes a man more beautiful (the boy could not tolerate compot), and he gave his portions to the most ugly girl in his opinion.

Brother asked to help him with the choice of a car in the cabin. As long as he looks at physics, I’m checking out the history. Question is shorter. We came, one looked, the second... Looking at "Renoška", on the glass of leaflets-300000r, run 150000. I sweep my face into the salon and I understand that there is no smell of 150,000 there, even in my unprofessional view. The wheel to the holes is wrapped, nothing can be seen on the lever of the KP, because it is wrapped, seated in the meat. Even the emergency button. Fuck it short. My brother is watching under the hood at this time. It is there, it is there, it is there, it is there. And I look at a pipe hanging plastic on some pipe (something). And on it, the GUR inscription was changed in 2018, running 286000. Call the manager, what do you fuck? In 2018, there were 286, and she then ran for another 3 years. No shadow of embarrassment: Well, I just forgot to remove it. Chick her in front of our eyes with a knife... Now exactly 150000km...