Once I had a date. I spent it quite successfully, and therefore went to the girl at a visit. Fortunately, she lived right above the building. It’s comfortable, you won’t argue.

So here. I am allergic to dogs. We come to her, and there... well you understood. The kissing began immediately, so I went ahead and asked for a glass of water to drink a pill. I drank anti-allergic and went on without worrying.

We meet in a few days. After a short conversation we begin to the most important and already in bed we have a dialogue:

Have you taken a pill?

and no. Why Why?

Well... Okay...

Everything went great if not one “but”. A while later, he writes:

Don’t take any pills, you don’t need them.

We are surrounded by the environment and the soul requires Sunday.

After school, Yuri, together with his future bride Svetka, went to study in Moscow, and in the fourth grade decided to schedule. At first they wanted to be quiet, but the parents were upset. Everything in the village is human. You are there in your city, but you go on your heads, and we have a wedding in the village.
At the wedding, Juric and Svetka invited several classmates, including two blacks, Misha and Sasha. Misha and Sasha spoke Russian quite tolerantly, but never left Moscow, and they treated the idea a little cautiously. But eventually they were persuaded, promising to show a real Russian wedding. “Even for a day!” So for a day.
When black people were seen, the population of the village experienced a cultural shock. Negroes then and in the capital were exotic, that is to say about the Russian depth. Misha and Sasha from the abundance of attention also felt not quite in their plate. Therefore, while the tables were covered in the courtyard, black guests, so as not to confuse under their feet and create an unhealthy agitation among the neighbors, they sat in the kitchen to drink tea.
At this time, the future mother-in-law, the mother of the bridegroom, was choosing snacks at the table. She cautiously closed the cover of the cellar behind her so that in the turmoil no one would give god to step down and not break her neck.
Taking full hands of the bottles, she climbed the stairs, opened the cover of the basement with her head, and saw two pairs of legs right in front of her nose. He raised his eyes and slowly dropped the cover back. There were two black men up there.
Sasha and Misha were also slightly shocked when the floor under their feet rose, and from there a female head appeared. But they were warned in advance, if they saw something unusual, nothing to be surprised, and to pretend that it is necessary. So Sasha and Misha continued to drink tea with sugar at a snack.
And the future mother-in-law went down back into the basement, sat down on the staircase, and began to be baptized. After a while, she decided that she felt. “Per the pressure is jumping, all the hell is melting,” she thought, and decided to do another attempt.
When she raised the cover for the second time, the two black men didn’t just disappear, they readily jumped up, and said in broken Russian, “Hello!”
After dropping the cover, the future mother-in-law returned to the basement, and this time decided not to go anywhere until they were found.
In the meantime, everything was ready for the start of the celebration, except for a small break. The girlfriend’s mother disappeared. They were looking for it everywhere and could not find it anywhere. They looked into the kitchen seven times, but except for two blacks drinking the eighth cup of tea, there was nobody there. Finally, Sasha and Misha, concerned about the mess, pointed to the cover of the cellar and that "there" is hiding a woman.
The mother of the bridegroom was pulled out of the cellar, and introduced Sasha with Misha. Sasha and Misha even let her touch themselves. Thank God they did not know about the Russian sign of fear of the dead.
In short, the incident was exhausted, the guests sat down at the tables, and the fun began. And when they drank at the third, all racial prejudices dissolved by themselves.
Sasha and Misha a popularity at the table almost as much as even the bridegroom with the bride. Everyone wanted to drink with them, take pictures, and get friends.
In the evening, all who were still able to load into the collective bus "Kuban" and went to the district center to accompany Sasha with Misha to the station, at night they had a train to Moscow. No matter how many of them were persuaded to stay, they only regretted to shake their shoulders and show back tickets.
With songs, harmonies, and the bell of glasses, they drove to the district center, landed Sasha with Misha, said goodbye, and also went back with fun.
At the station, two blacks immediately attracted the attention of the police. Not so much for official necessity as for curiosity, two police officers asked two not quite sober blacks to present documents, and asked the purpose of their arrival.
At the wedding? The police were surprised. So why are you leaving then? You have not seen the wedding. At a Russian wedding, the most interesting thing happens on the second day. The skulls will beat, the ravenous, the bride will steal. You are giving!
The Negroes regretted not being left. But it was late, the last bus from the district departed an hour ago.
And we did not rush to the houses of guests, loaded the death of a drunk harmonist, and when we finally reached the house of the bridegroom, we were surprised to find that a militia "uazik" stands near the calice, and in the courtyard behind the table, among others, Sasha and Misha are sitting in a picture with two police officers, and pull in four throats:
The crown crown! The horny crown! What are you going on with me!

The government is doing its best, but the people are alive.

I work in a taxi and I get another order. I come to the place, the customer goes out, calls the final address. Next I am I, P is the passenger.

I: I know this house, interesting architecture.

A normal house.

I: Well don’t say, a house with two arches is one in the city.

Q: With which other two arches?

I: Well, there are two arches in this house.

Q: I have lived in this house for 6 years, there is one arch.

We go on quietly, I think maybe I was wrong, maybe confused with some other house? Immersed in their thoughts, they unnoticedly approached home. And then the client gives: God, in my house there are really two arches, so many years I live and have not noticed.

An optimist is a person who thinks that a deadlock is a temporarily blocked exit.

It was called “the art of war”.
My old friend divorced my wife. His son was already an adult, so there were no problems with the children, he just picked up his socks and left. He then had a room in the public office, left from his grandmother, closed standing, and decided to live there until everything was shaken. He comes somehow to me, weakened, condemned, and complains.
- You understand, there is only one neighbor, a woman of thirty years old, with a child - a kindergarten, a terribly shy grandmother.
- You hardly go there, you work in turn, you get to sleep and that's all.
That is the matter. She told me the first day that if I didn’t sell her room for three pennies, she’t let me live here anyway. Especially after the night is bad, the metal is full, it is impossible to fall asleep. In the afternoon, the music shakes the walls. I will kill her.
Why to kill? I live for two weeks.
A bad world is always better than a good war, so I solved this question for only 230 rubles. by 200 rub. Bank of nitro paint and 30 rubles. the chest. He and I started painting the entrance door to his room from the side of the corridor once every two days. The acetone smells so lovely, where there is Chanel. In winter, you can’t open the windows. The neighbor and the eagle, and the district called - so we do not disturb anything. Ten days later, a neighbor threw a white flag.

You live in a superpower – keep up!

xxx: I don’t know if you need this information, but there was a post with a porn category analysis. Therefore, gay in our country is most accumulated in Chechnya.

YYY: What if you understood what these pids look like, brother.

I felt weakness. Rarely well done!

My neighbor has a grandfather. No, not so though. My neighbor has a grandfather. With a big letter. The veteran. The real. The warrior. This year 99. He still drives the car. God give him health.
Five years ago, my grandson and I bought a new car. Modern machines do not last long. My grandfather knows it.) I went to the car salon. Everything is there as it is. We chose, then this, color, options, dopes. Go to insure, immediately in the salon. A girl with a computer. How are they called? The year of birth? My grandfather answered: one thousand nine hundred twenty one. He kills the computer. During the driving? My grandfather replied: Seventy-three years old. She kills, the computer counts and instead of the usual 30-70 thousand suddenly gives the sum of six thousand with pennies.
At this point in the story, I wondered if the corporate programmers of insurance companies are heating up something human? But then it was even more interesting...
The girl looks at the result and is stupid. I grit here recently, I need to contact the head office, clarify. She calls to the office, there she is connected with the local boss, he penetrates, asks to turn on a loud call. Their dialogue with grandfather.
Chief: Sorry, there is a mistake here...What year of birth do you say?
Grandfather twenty one.
How about driving?
Seventy three years.
What is the first car of which brand?
and tank. The T-34
The boss saw, too, a loud communication was turned on, because the dynamic heard the applause of the department.
After a second's reflection, the boss gave instructions to the girl:
Give him insurance!

Thanks to our grandparents for the victory!

The iPhone 13 will cost 35 thousand rubles.
and oh! Why so cheap?! to
There will be a box. The phone must be purchased separately.

At the children’s playground with the father of two and a half-year-old children.

I said, “It’s hard with two, probably.”

Happy father: “It’s better, the main sleepless nights are over. I am now morally prepared for financial losses. After all, every toy in a double option to buy.”

“It’s not just toys. The dresses are the same. A bit of a different shade and they’re going to struggle.”

Happy father: “Well, if brother and sister will still fight for the dress, I will definitely go crazy.”

A friend called me a day ago at night, asked urgently for 30,000 in debt, drunk. I refused, said no. Then he got a great idea in his head, you say you have a credit card, throw it away from me! The next great idea visited me, I sent it to x%y and turned off the sound on the phone. And now the story, as he told me now sober.

He wanted a paid love, found a number, called, transferred a 5k prepayment, went. Upon arrival, the closed door, he calls the prostitute, he is told a story: The door with an electronic lock, just doesn't open, you need a minimum payment of 10k then will open. It translates 5K. The door does not open, he calls the prostitute, she says what is happening, the door has been locked. The acquaintance requires to open the door or return the money, he is given the number of the owner and the owner of the protons finally explains everything to him: It turns out, there are 4 prostitutes and the pass system is set up in such a way that at the moment there will be paid at least 40,000, that is. 10 for each, the door will not open. But you, say, translate, the door will open and you will take your money! He started calling everyone he could, no one gave money and the door did not open. That’s how, I say because of you 10,000 lost))) The choked scheme)))

In the past, people loved to read books and listen to each other, but now people love to listen to books and read to each other.



© Police

Do not be afraid of divorce.

I will tell you the story of my divorce. I got married early at 21. On a very good girl, but after some time began to live with her somehow not very, then a son was born, and living with her became worse.

I drank endlessly on various occasions, and often without a reason.
"Look, Yulia's husband drives her three times a year abroad, and we only once were in Egypt.
- Natashkin's husband gave her a jeep, and you just bought me a fiesta.
- That you are constantly working, you are going to be at home, you need to spend more time with me.

I thought about divorce as if it was out of place. That would be good, of course, but it is all in some way. What people will think, the son is small again. How do I give up. The apartment and other properties are already in use.

Then I started having pressure. Specifically such a joke. And six years ago I went to the hospital, and I was hanged a device there to measure pulse, pressure and so on over the course of the day. And when I gave this device, the next day the doctor invited me to a conversation:

Meet me, this is my psychiatrist.
I am not crazy, I smiled.
“We are all a kind of psychic,” said the psychologist.
Did you have a scandal at home yesterday?
It’s okay, but why are you asking?
"Well, look, in the morning you went to work, the pressure and pulse is fine, and at 6 o'clock you went home?
- Yes
And it started. Look at the schedule. Pulse slaps, tachycardia, pressure 180/120 and so on to the night.

Then I told him everything. That I don’t want to go home because there’s a depressing atmosphere, that I’m the first volunteer for long journeys, that I prefer to go out to the production with a overnight stay to watch the tech process, though it’s not my turn. Because I am well there, and my home is bad.

He listened, left me and said:
I will be brief. If you want to live, you have to decide something for yourself. You either get divorced or you die. I am not joking. I will not advise you to go to a family psychologist and all that. Too many years you’ve been married, 14 years is not a joke. My advice to you, as a man to a man, and as a doctor to a patient. and divorce.

It caught me very well. He walked to the car like a lost man. There was no courage to divorce. I thought, I thought, I didn’t invent anything, because the tuffak is not brave in this regard. Even the thoughts were like this: it would be great if she had changed me, and then I would have accused her and divorced in full law. Tom is such a nonsense. But I did not have the courage to come and say. Well, I thought that this is my karma, and I will continue to live, and the doctor may be wrong and generally tolerate - fall in love and all that. It was so until a moment.

I bought furniture for a new apartment. There was a bunch of cardboard left in the corridor. I wanted to throw it out, but the wife said that her brother would come and take what was there in the garage to bed on the roof. This card is for a week. On Monday I have a plan, a meeting. The call, wife
I feel uncomfortable calling again.
What a meeting, listen to me!! When will you clean your card? Twenty times I told you, I just fell through it, broke my nail, you are a man or not, how much to endure?

I turned off the phone, something inside me seemed to be broken. I apologized and said I had to leave immediately. He sat in the car, came home, went to the bedroom, collected trousers, socks in the sports bag, put carabines in the blankets, took them into the car. He returned, took his jacket, more things, and took it back into the car. I returned and said that I would not live with her anymore and divorce. He left and did not return.

That night I slept on the office sofa. Then I rented the apartment, there was a week of depression, I was released from work, nobody touched me. Then he began to live slowly. After a while I realized I was alive. Fuck, I don’t exist, I live a full life! I have a great job, great prospects, I am still young, I am only 36, I am strong and healthy, I no longer have a headache! Let it go! I am living!

Then I started living with a good girl and bought a house. She lived with her in a new house. And what’s interesting: I don’t like traveling anymore, I don’t want to stay after work to work anymore, I want to go home. Home is the place where I feel comfortable and comfortable. Where there is a good person I want to come to soon. I stopped being afraid of my home, I became interested in living.

And once an adult already my son told me in secret:
Dad, that is the case. I don’t know how to tell you, but I must. It may not be right, but I respect your wife more than my mother.
I am an officer. And he asked him:
Why is that so, son?
I do not know. I think she loves me. And you too. She will never go with us. rightly?
It is true, son...

Do not be afraid to change your life. She is alone with us. If you don’t want to live your whole life with a person who “kills” you, divorce, it’s not at all painful.

Why do we have this, where have we sinned so much?
in the polling stations.

XXX: 29 years old, the milk chest grows. When trying to grow a fox (in isolation so far no one has seen) got a virgin's fox. On the chest 5 hairs - 3 on the left nipple and 2 on the right. But, Blade, you have to constantly pull in your nose...

Yyy: Be careful with your desires, I look like a failed clone of yeti grown by an urn in a hairdresser. In general, morally, it is already ready to go on epilation, because it was hard to "haired" on the entire surface.

Zzzz: I hope you’re not a girl

A man from work. An old lady is on the way. The old lady stretches him a paper twisted several times and urges him to say, "Don't read yourself - let others read!" The man comes home, tells his wife that he met an old woman who gave him a note, but insisted, “Don’t read it yourself – let others read it!”



The man went to his best friend to ask for a bed. He comes and says that his wife has been driven out of the house. He wondered: for what? The man tells how he met an old lady who gave him a note and said, "Don't read yourself - let others read it!" A friend asked me to look at the note to find out. But as soon as he read it, he said so wickedly, "After these words I will never be your friend again!"



A man goes on the street. A police officer meets him, wondering why he goes alone late on the street. And the man tells us that he met an old lady who gave him a note and said, "Don't read yourself - let others read." He showed to his wife, and she drove her out of the house. I went to my best friend, he also read the note and also put it over the threshold. The police officer was interested and asked to give him this note. He read and said, “You have to be judged for these words.”



On the day of the trial, the judge asks the man to explain what happened. The man recalls how he met his grandmother, who gave him a note and said, "Don't read yourself - let others read it!" My friend rejected him! Then a police officer met, who was also interested in what was written in this note. I read, and then the man was here, in court. The judge was so interested in what might be in the note that he asked to show it to him. After reading the content, he said, “Yes, for such words you will not be shot!” The man was shot.



A man came to that light. And there the apostle Peter meets him and asks, what has happened? Well man and let us tell how he met an old lady, who gave him a note and punished him strictly: "Don't read yourself - let others read it!" He gave a friend to read, but he denied it. The policeman read it and brought it to trial. The judge sentenced him to shoot. The Apostle Peter was interested and asked to show the same note. He turned it out and said, “And for such words there is no place for you in paradise!”



A man went to hell. He meets him and asks what happened and how he got to him. The man began his story again about how he met an old lady who gave him a note and asked him not to read, but to let others read. The wife was expelled from the house, the best friend renounced, the police officer gave to the court, the judge sentenced to death, and also expelled from heaven. The devil was curious and he asked to show him a note. The devil said, “For such words there is no place for you in hell.”



A man fell in the summer. I was in a boat with an old man. The old man asked, what happened that the man was in the summer? The man told him how he met an old woman who gave him a note and said, "Don't read yourself - let others read it!"The woman for reading expelled from the house, the best friend also put out of the threshold, the police officer gave it to court, the judge sentenced to be shot, the apostle Peter expelled from heaven, and the devil from hell. The old man was interested and asked to give him a note. After reading the words in it, the old man cried out, "For such words there is no place for you and in my boat!"... and threw the man out of the boat.



A man is swimming. Swimming for a long time. He said, “Let me read what is written there.” He gets this note, unfolds it, and the letters are washed with water.

My friend’s daughter went to the garden. After the first day at home, we talked:

How was it in the garden, what did you do? Liked it?

We played, walked, ate and all liked it. I am very tired, I have no strength.

Well, sleep, rest until tomorrow, you will get the strength.

Do I have to go tomorrow?? to