bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145463
 10.10.2017
First, the sick old men lie. Employees are strictly forbidden to buy them alcohol, so the grandfather-neighbor ordered the alcoholic tincture from the pharmacy to supposedly drop in the ear, and he himself diluted and drank.
Secondly, the fact that the girl has a grandmother who usually buys vodka for grinding does not guarantee that at this particular moment the girl is telling the truth and did not come for the bottle for the thirteen-year-old spinach from the yard. It is convenient for her grandmother to know there - she will be sold to circumvent the rules; neither the inspectors nor the seller could know this.
Third, what prevented the grandmother from pursuing a duty therapist and sending the child to the pharmacy for an alcohol rubber?

In Pratchett’s last translated book, two trains collided on a single-wheel, because a kind of benevolent clerk “just wanted to save everyone’s time” and gave the symbol of “preferential passage” to all trains at once.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №145462
 10.10.2017
gt, "Dutch startup teaches crows to exchange cigarettes for food"

xxx: It is then necessary to develop the design of “legal” urns for smokers, inaccessible to the crows. Otherwise, they will quickly report to extract cigarettes from where their concentration is higher than accidentally abandoned on the street.
Yyy: Wouldn’t it be easier to teach people to exchange cigarettes for something useful, such as an Orbit gum, using the same principle and device?
zzz: It seems that the crowns are easier to train.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №145461
 10.10.2017
The service of online shops goes to a new level - the operator, who offered to pick me a small order, which is not available here, by self-driving from the city 158 km from my location, did not forget to ask: "Would you be comfortable?"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №145460
 10.10.2017
His wife had a voice because of illness, and the doctor forbade to whisper. He has been silent for four days. It would seem - this is the happiness of the man from the anecdotes. And in life it turns out Nifiga is not funny...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145459
 10.10.2017
Cherry: I was recently in a store where the merchandiser probably never was. I’m not sure if they know that word. Attention: pearl flour, vinegar, glue tape for flies, chocolate and all this in the beer department. As if the roof of the store was just opened and all the products were dropped.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №145458
 10.10.2017
Spiderman to Spiderman Spiderman to Spiderman
Spider-Man to Spider-Man to Spider-Man to Spider-Man to Spider-Man

[ + 19 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145457
 10.10.2017
I am angry with stupid people and their intolerance.
Well, fuck, don’t like – don’t catch.My father, a respected doctor 50 years with pleasure catches while walking our dog.Why not?
What does it matter who eats what? do you want to eat pigeons? do you want to eat pigeons, who forbids you?
Well, wear what you want, 2017 year, according to me, no one will judge you even if you walk in the costume of the enot, the freedom is complete.
Anger is anger, why are some people so stupid?
And when it comes to relationships...Homosexuals don’t like it?Joke, what does it matter who you fuck with?See who you fuck with, what do you care about the others?
By the way, about those with whom you fucking — what shit so many skins and eggs who read the correspondence of their partners? If you don’t trust your partner, do you hide him or date him?
In short, there were stupid people.


[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №145456
 10.10.2017
With the budgets that the Pentagon spends on aircraft carriers and other wunderwaffles, they could have built something the size of a few aircraft carriers in space and carried their democracy somewhere into the Alpha Centauri system.
> There seems to be no Earth-like planets around Alpha Centauri, so no one can carry democracy there.
Your local xenophobia is not an obstacle to the spread of true democracy!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №145455
 10.10.2017
"International Ninja Day was quietly and unnoticed..."

[ + 27 - ] [13 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145454
 10.10.2017
What did you say about this in your doctoral thesis? They ask Medina.
I am a minister. I see so.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №145453
 09.10.2017
I met a girl. Asked where she worked, she replied "in the sausage". I did not betray that importance. And then it turned out that she was the only girl in a small IT company of 10 people.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145452
 09.10.2017

Ohhh, what about that problem?
I decided her.
So what was the problem?
I do not know
How did you decide it?
I thought that was not a problem.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №145451
 09.10.2017
So we sit and take the exam and we also sit and take the offsets. Prepod is a terrible despot, and everyone is sitting and humbly waiting for executions... One of the assistants is sitting quietly fills the checkpoint and asks the next sitting Vitalik: "How is the name of the lecturer? “” Vitaly to him: "Shnizel" - pursued the teaching among students. Here the man stands up and asks, "Sorry, how is your surname written - Shnizil or Shnizel? “” The audience in the car, the outsider in the misunderstandings. He told him, “If you want to get a bill, write Kalugin.”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145450
 09.10.2017
1: broke the manchet at the tonometer, I suspect a cat
Where to buy a new?
A lot of cats are sold in the bird market.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145449
 09.10.2017
Once upon a time, in the countryside, where he rented an apartment, he gave the local boy a little money: he went to work, it was morning, late autumn with rain, and he (this boy) was sitting at the stop in matte tapes on his bare leg and trembling.

It was a pity, he gave a significant note. Give and forget. He drank the money, but...

Since then, this BOMZ, when he saw me, has waved his hand and spoke to the whole area:

"The best people of the area - a fiery greeting! "

All the neighborhood grandmothers whispered to me: “His son!”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №145448
 09.10.2017
Forum of Treasurers
D: The essence of the question. Dried a few vades of untouched caps of mosquito... The essence of the question... How much dry product in grams is needed to immediately, without intermediaries, jump into the ghost world? I have a few questions for the deceased grandmother, I need to wipe a little.
K is 15.87. Under 1600 years is better not to consume because it causes addiction and the desire to stay in the 16th century to collect coins in stamp gloss.
D: Are the two digits after the fifth defining or is it just a joke on your part? Norwegians write that the most words-loving perfumes from relatives do not go into contact with up to thirty grams of dry product.
K: The Norwegians are the Sukhari Nordic...they do not understand our broad and racial soul...this is what they, the descendants of Harald, need to translate the people’s Mukhomori into non-Nordic glukes and we are the guys who are there—we don’t need much...
and the figure verified-yet Lomonosov brought out this pleportion... generally scientists of the current give anything to get out a degree of vodka... the proportion of mosquitoes... the Jews from Egypt...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145447
 09.10.2017
There is a racial Jewish restaurant in the city. No one is there (especially the Jews). Because the owners decided to save on the normally trained and polite waiters, on the size of the portions, on the number of dishes in the complex lunch and so on... But the most terrifying thing is that when you are still brought food, you can see how sorry the staff is to give it to you. No one decides to inflict such psychotrauma on people for the second time.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145446
 09.10.2017
vik_idda: How interesting is it in modern painting to distinguish genius from simple sludge?
ll2ll: I’m more interested in the question of how the creation of contemporary art does not hang on the wall with your feet.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №145445
 09.10.2017
Here I, a chemical engineer with a higher education, remember the law that chemistry in school passes before the law of Mendeleev: “The properties of a chemical substance do not depend on the methods of obtaining it.” That is, whether the cooking salt is evaporated from a natural solution, whether it is obtained as a result of the neutralization of spicy sodium salic acid or extracted in some other way - it will in any case be NaCl, which after proper purification can quite salt food.

You are right. by 99.9 percent. But this is exactly 0.1% and hides under-purified impurities... which will be completely different in different ways of obtaining a substance, and since living organisms are an extremely complex system, such impurities can affect it very strongly and unpredictably. Of course, a significant increase in the degree of purification reduces the effect of impurities to nothing, but at the same time it is possible to splash out the child together with water: to consider that the sorcery decoction is effective only due to the main component, and to reproduce it only, while the action is achieved through the combination of very many substances in the right proportions. At the same time, against chemistry as a science I have nothing - only for))))

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145444
 09.10.2017
Review of the washing machine in the online store:

Disadvantages: If you’re a musician, you’ve studied at a music school, or you just have a musical hearing, you’ll suffer. When included plays a short melody and falsifies on the last note...)))"

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna