bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №71758
 19.10.2012
Once every 10 years, the state carries out liposuction of savings in the population.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №71757
 19.10.2012
Graduates of the linguistic faculties can speak "Free Cash!" in several languages.

c) The Mystery

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №71756
 19.10.2012
The microwave is evil!
He: What has happened?
She: I got a phone, spoke about this to our admin (Dime), he said that if you put the battery in the microwave for 5-10 minutes, it will charge.
Did he ever see Dimon?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №71755
 19.10.2012
In school, I was a giant and didn’t play football.
YYY: What did you do?
I was sitting in the school and playing chess, but...
All the coolest girls didn’t play football either ;)
yyy: he-he ;)))
But they didn’t even play chess.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №71754
 19.10.2012
Ekaterina Popova: I have a flashing lamp
Nikolai Kondratiev: Not scary
Ekaterina Popova: I am quiet, with a wicked scratch, the light bulb is turned on... and it immediately turns off, a devastating second passes, and it turns on again with the sound of the nail scratching through the glass... and it turns off again.
Ekaterina Popova: Is it so scary?
Nikolai Kondratiev: so terrible

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №71753
 19.10.2012
Irishka
Do you want to go anywhere during the session?
Dmitry
You can try the institute.

[ + 46 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №71752
 19.10.2012
Gradually, the meaning of the entire world economy is reduced to selling each other goods produced in China, if possible giving them for their own.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №71751
 19.10.2012
From the 3D TV:
The glasses are shit. I looked like an idiot on the street."

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №71750
 19.10.2012
XXX: I told you the opinion of a friend (boy!!!The electricity produced at the nuclear power plant is radioactive. I couldn’t even roast.
YYY: Is he a fool?
XXX: I don’t know, but if the troll is, it’s very thick.
XXX: I didn’t ask about the processes and how electricity can be radioactive.
XXX: And yesterday I go home, a plane is flying in the sky. The girl asks her mom: “Mom, what is the plane?” I expect a response like “Inversion Track” or something similar, adapted for a child. Mother’s answer: “It’s all kind of chemical shit, we’re poisoned.”

Sasha, I am not joking!! to
YYY (facepalm)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №71749
 19.10.2012
YYY: Well admit how many there were before me.
XXX: Once, Two, Three
I had four compasses before you.
YYY: OO

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №71748
 19.10.2012
In a decent family, a cat on the battery will not fit.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №71747
 19.10.2012
I sit in the student dining room. I see one of my friend’s tables, I decide to sit down with him. I go through the box office, I approach the table, I load food on it from the bowl, I bring the bowl, I return, I sit down, I eat (please pay attention to the number of my actions). Somewhere through my thoughts I notice that my friend is trying to smoke a piece of chicken in his plate with a spoonful and a fork. A young man, in the best houses of London and Paris, eats chicken with his hands. It was not even a joke, but rather a standard machine speech. Suddenly I hear: And if you don’t like it, you can move to another table!!! Something is wrong. I look up from my plate and see my friend sitting at the next table, and a stranger sitting in front of me, and his eyes are black of anger. The man acted illogically - he himself jumped up and ran away, although he just offered to do it to me. And I rushed for a few moments, and didn’t even have time to open my mouth (precisely, first close, then open again) to apologize. This is such a dispersed from the pool street.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №71746
 19.10.2012
I was once in a student building. One of our brigades made the floor in a pork farm. There was also a brigade of shabashnikov men. Our guys were constantly complaining about them: they would smoke their newly laid tile with their cart, they would crush the space with their metal structures, then something else. Subtle men, shorter, hostile and disgusting in all their manifestations. I was sent to this brigade for a few days to help. Part of the help was a mixture of the solution, and our guys had a completely wonderful, perfect shape and the rest of the spade for this. I felt the pleasure of mixing the solution with this spade. With disgusting shabbatics, I did not cross that day, only listened to other complaints about them.



I go to my boys on the second day. I don’t have my favourite shirt!

Cho for a fist? I ask you.

“And her abominations (there were those shabashnikovs) were taken away,” they answered me.

This drop filled the cup. I went to the other end of the pig farm, to the nest of those disgusting ones. I fit. I see one of them standing at the corner and mowing his solution with MY beloved, strange spade. I walk to him, quietly take the blade for the pen and pull on myself. The man does not release the spade, although the hint, apparently, should have understood. I shake the blade stronger. Between us is a roof with a solution, and the man, in order not to fall, releases the spade. It all happens without a sound. I, quite satisfied, come back with the blade and start working. My friends look at me strangely. I am interested in their reaction. It turns out, this spade is not theirs, it belongs to the shameless, and our guys were given it only for a while. Time has expired, and the lap has calmly returned to its legitimate owners. I almost killed my boys at that moment. I was wildly ashamed of my behavior. Especially a little later it became clear that the harmful inclinations of those men and their hostility in general were greatly exaggerated by my colleagues.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №71745
 19.10.2012
I was working for the third month at a new workplace and I couldn’t understand why in the garbage basket, which is in our office, no one but me throws the garbage; why it is never cleaned by the cleaner; why one day it just became less garbage, and not it became empty (seemingly, someone pulled out the part)... All these thoughts periodically arose in the background... until the rain and employees, coming to the office, did not pull their umbrellas into this basket...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №71744
 18.10.2012
Can I please you?
I’ll drink this vodka myself.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №71743
 18.10.2012
I have a website about design. The children’s room uses black curtains.
Commentary :
There lived a mother, father and daughter. Once a mother sent a girl to buy curtains, but told her not to buy black curtains. The girl came to the store, and there were only black curtains, and she bought black ones.

My mother hanged them on the window. During the night, the black curtains struck my father. My father was buried. The next night, the curtains struck her mother. She was also buried.

Then the girl went to the police and told the police. They hid under the bed at night, and the girl lay in bed. When the curtains wanted to strangle the girl, the police shot at them. The curtains shouted, they had black blood and they died.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №71742
 18.10.2012
XXX is
You are not offended, right?
XXX is
You are what...?
YYYY
Insulted Cannes
Write that I should be offended, or I didn’t receive a message.

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №71741
 18.10.2012
In our country there are two problems: people who believe that for a small salary they should not work normally and people who, after paying the money, believe that they have the right to demand anything. And already this leads to known problems: fools and roads, or vice versa.

[ + 47 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №71740
 18.10.2012
Respecting Postal Employees:
I had to go a long way away from home to take care of a sick person. Accordingly, the work was not planned, the money was cut, but it was decided that the necessary will be sent by mail to the mother - there were no other options. And I apologize, dear disgusting ones, but I just had to endure close sexual contact with our mail for almost 2 years, and you, dear disgusting ones, actively and purposefully fucking my brain and nervous system. One of the packages never arrived, in another - instead of a leather jacket sent by a mother to her sick son, there was an open package of cheap caramel (precisely by weight), in another - instead of shoes - four packs of refined sugar... I can still list, if you want! In an attempt to upset one of you, the disgusting mailers, made it clear to me that this divine organization is not engaged in listening to complaints, and I can leave my dissatisfaction with myself. So here is the question: What kind of shit should I respect you and what work do you talk about? Is it so hard to steal from the mail?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №71739
 18.10.2012
LiLA18.10.12 - 00:19
I can’t breathe after them... How she bought them I don’t have the slightest idea, but she’s afraid of this one herself.. So, she decided to stick over me, sprinkled me in the bag... and left the room, and I can’t understand what it smells... In short, while she was in the kitchen, I threw her bag into the bedroom and closed the door... In short, you would hear those screams ))))))))) ahahaahaah)))) I thought the house would collapse ))))
Alexis 18.10.12 - 00:23
This is what! I once gave a colleague a counterfeit on Fahrenheit... You understand that there was nothing in common with the real Fahrenheit. (It is not surprising, for his former gave him) He found him used. Every time I smoked in the car, I sprayed the air conditioner. Instead of a refresher.
Alexis 18.10.12 - 00:23
So here
Alexis 18.10.12 - 00:24
We had to go to Pavlovsk together.
Alexis 18.10.12 - 00:25
Naturally, after each of his smoking, I began to hysterize, and begged not to smell that shit. So that shit sprinkled me, and I grabbed him. As a result, I was irritated, he had blisters, we smelled at the meeting with clients as two cheap and old prostitutes(( And the wife at home arranged hysteria, all about the same prostitutes.


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