I work on the budget not where it is officially issued, the boss - close friend (N). Conversation in Smoking:
I: What do you do before me?
N: Absolutely fear of losing... You are not responsible for anything, you receive prizes regularly, you leave early when you need to. The maximum that threatens you is that I will stumble and stop.
I: You weren’t talking to me!! to

The gift of God to Adam, three letters... to the mind for some reason not immediately Eve came...

Taky x*y, and Eve was just an addition to the gift

I am asking for a visit to a friend (friend zone, unfortunately, but I am not especially compelled).
I’m ashamed to admit, but I missed the kitchen so much. Could you cook that snack again?
YYY: I know a lot of recipes of all kinds of figi. Which to you?
Xxx: Well, who with such things round))
The [...]
xxx: How many questions)) Meat pieces are like that, like his... Which with a cheese slice were.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Fries in sauce. Okay well. Will there be more orders? and :-)
XXX: Well... and all to order mon? Another fig)), which is from the paste and with apples, and on top is like white cream, but not cream))
YYY: M-M... I understood. This shit I can’t do, I don’t have enough of it... Fuck, how she...
Olive oil here! I don’t have enough oil for this cake. How can I forget the name of the oil? You infected me with sclerosis.
Well, not all so hopeless, I remembered.
I went into the refrigerator and read on the package :-)

I go home with a girl and she tells me what she did yesterday.
D: I bought a pregnancy test yesterday, I decided to check for the case.
Do you doubt me?
D: Yes, it’s not about you.
We look at each other like this, we digest the phrase.

With Avito:

"Love-rich Russian teater (1900g) named Kent is looking for a vicious girlfriend in the same weight category to embody sexual fantasies"

Sponsor of the cooking program is toilet paper. How "thin" )

From comments on Habr:
Somehow the phrase “lost virginity” for a man is not very suitable :) Write better “first time fucked” or “my first sex” :)

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH How is it?
and gifts. Remember I said I had a cat?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The black fucking?
WOW: So, imagine my surprise when in the morning, wearing my pants, I stumbled on something soft in my pants. Of course, I thought from the spring that the scarf was left there again. And when this scarf stumbled and grabbed my nails in my heels, I got it with a mat and screams... well you understood)
and x)

recently on the bus. The girl sitting in front of me is calling. She has been looking for a long time in her bag. Only all this happens under the appropriate melody on the call, the main theme of "Fort Boyard".

Do you want coffee?
With pleasure!
We only have sugar!
Korshun

Army from 18 to 28 (this is the age), but since there is no one with whom they do not fight, the soldiers build roads, dig channels, dig fields.

Especially for those who are scared of 10 years of service.
In the USSR, some believed that it was good to serve so much.
My grandfather served from 43 to 52. Fought for two years. In the year 46 no one was released from the service (no one was called, everyone who could have already been in the army), remained on overtime, in the year 49 they were released home, came to the village - and there hunger. He said goodbye to everyone and immediately left for the second overtime.

xxx: accounts in mail, Skype, etc. They give everyone without exception.
xxx: You get a strict letter from Svetlana, the head of the business analysis department of a large Russian company, and you understand that everything is serious.
xxx: and then you see in the signature in addition to all other contacts - "skype: Svetik_1984", and you understand that nothing terrible "The Candle" will definitely not do you :)

from the chat of one game, a trip to the raid boss

X: the ass I hear - the ass smells!

XXX: It was specific.
YYY : Why?
Because I am surrounded by judges.
YYY: It is normal. What did you fish?
XXX: The Fools
XXX: The Fuck
YYY: Did you want to say "shuka"?

Do you also kill mosquitoes and cockroaches?
Barsukan: There are no tarakans. Mosquitoes in self-defense. In self-defense, I can kill a person.
Beta: This is an excess of self-defense - the mosquito can not and will not kill you.

xxx: News: The Ulyanovsk administration fired an official responsible for the fight against corruption and previously retired for fraud
XXX: This is how we live.

Lead_singer: Las returned from the hospital last week.
Lead_singer: After his injury, he began to have problems with memory. We only learned about it today...
Lightbrinder: Why?
Lead_singer: He forgot to say )))

From Habr.
In fact, it was a little less so. The country needed arms plutonium in industrial quantities. During its production, a huge amount of energy is released, which needs to be discharged, otherwise it will be babah - here they built a nuclear power plant and came up with a fairy tale about a peaceful atom.

Shall we go to the cinema?
No, there is a whole
Q: a "country"?
Fuck your bond, porn is better
Tagged with: boron
Tagged: fucking

From the summary:
"There are no children and I don’t drink"