When I had a Riesenschnauzer (approximately in the late 1990s and early 2000s), we often walked with him to the dog square, where many surrounding dogs and their owners gathered in the evenings. It usually lasted an hour or two. The dogs are very busy communicating with each other. And the owners... First of all, you’ll swallow all the dogs. Play with some. The rest of the time we are talking about everything.
And she came there with a shepherd named Lara. I don’t remember how the housewife was called, unfortunately, because dog owners usually recognize each other by the dogs... Lara was very old and very smart. The teams performed any and instantly. And she was itching all the time - from old age, she had something with her skin, or eczema, or something. No, the wool did not slip, it just itched. In the free time from performing the teams (and the teams were few, she just walked out) she approached one, then another, and asked her to scratch. Rarely anyone refused. She’s scratching her side and back, and she’s grinding for pleasure. They stop scratching - he runs a little and sticks to someone else.
And then we talked with Lara’s mistress... well, of course, about dogs. In particular, that her Lara will do everything she orders her, regardless of the personality (this was emphasized). For example, she says, let’s argue that I will order her to attack you – she will attack, and will not see that acquaintance, to which she is always pleased. And I will say stop - it will stop immediately, and it will behave again as if nothing had happened. I knew all this, not the first day of acquaintance, but I had one clever consideration... And we argue, I say that it will not work!
And here, she goes away some distance, and commands, “Lara, take him!”
Lara rushed straight to my side. She runs, and I say to her, “Lara, go swallow!”
Lara immediately brakes with all four of her legs and turns to the side - the cheeks! I forgot about attack and thinking.
I chew her, Lara grumbled, the housewife shouted, “Oh, you are unconscious! I am you!
Lara guiltyly lowers her head and presses her ears, but continues to bump and does not attempt to retreat.
The owner managed to convince her not to punish her. I just knew the chat code from her dog.

Failed attempts to have sex were called yoga, and successful attempts to have sex were called kamasutra.

Son: “Dad, I don’t want to go to the garden.”

I said, “Friend, I don’t want to go to work. I’ll go to work today and say, “I don’t want to go to work,” and the boss uncle will say, “Then I don’t want to pay you a salary.” Do you know what happens if you don’t get paid?”

The son: “What?”

I: "Then I won't be able to buy us tickets to the water park, to the circus, I won't be able to buy clothes and even bread."

Son: "And I'll come to the kindergarten and tell my aunt teacher that I don't want to go to the kindergarten."

I said, “What will she answer you?”

The son said, “Don’t go.”

My son 3 years.

My son changed the phone number once, I didn’t remember it right away. And here somehow I pick him up, answers a pleasant male voice:

Hello to you!

Sorry, I probably didn’t get there.

Where did you plan to go? (with a clear smile)

Well... it would be good to get on the Forbes list and eventually go to heaven (laughs).

I’m afraid I won’t help you with that, sorry.

Okay, sorry, please say goodbye!

I apologize for not helping. to Goodbye.

After a few days, the story repeats, I again accidentally type the wrong way (then I found out that the number is correct, and the prefix is not that operator called by habit).

Hello to you!

-But, sorry, I was wrong (I did not understand that the subscriber has already known before).

Well why do you say that, you are not mistaken, you just haven’t got there yet. What about the success of the Forbes list?

Well he, I changed my mind.

It’s a pity, but I’m already thinking about how to help you. And the paradise too.

Okay, sorry generously, I hope this won’t happen again, goodbye!

And I hope the opposite. and call.

I hang the phone. I study the situation, how I get it wrong constantly - I find out the reason, I calm down.

And after a week of calling, I take a rub, there is the same voice:

Hello to Hello. You didn’t call me for a long time, I was worried.

I learned the right number. We can end the communication.

Not just that! You make me very happy. You probably have a family, children, a husband.

Well, about...

But in any case, I still want to tell you that my name is Misha Starostin. Call more frequently

Many years ago, I still lived with my parents, I go out with my mother from the entrance, there is a neighbor.

We greeted, started the usual neighbor's talk...the next M-my mom D-neighbors.

M: That recently the electricity bill has begun to come big, runs a lot, although we are trying to save, I do not understand what it is.

D: Oh, I'm not worried at all, I did the repair a month ago, so I asked that my friends would ask all of the electricity around, I don't pay for electricity at all)))



I should have seen my mother’s face. In general, she said, if they don’t do it right now, she goes to the police. Strangely enough, the neighbor didn’t even understand what he was doing and what he was doing. This is the militia.



In a fairy tale...

I was looking for a shorter job. In our city there is hard work. In the sea, I was told about the vacancy of a carrier. The company urgently needed a carrier. Ok to Ok. We call, take documents and go to an interview. But not all so simple! First you need to fill out the questionnaire. Ok to Ok. We filled. 7 pages of 166 questions. Why such difficulty a candidate for a job loader is a mystery to me. and filled. I gave. I said call. They urgently need a carrier. Call in a week. The questionnaire is considered, invited to an interview. I come. There are 10 candidates in the corridor. The vacancy is on a competitive basis. and :)

Interview standard - about the work of the personnel, where you worked, what you know, bla bla. They said they would call.

Call in a week:

You and 3 other "lucky" have passed the selection and now you are waiting for a meeting with the boss of the company. Ok to Ok. I come. Two hours of communication. In the end, “We’ll call you.”

A month has passed.

Calling from the morning. Go to work! I come. As a result, I will find out that 4 other guys will work with me, an internship for 5 days is NOT PAYABLE. Only one person can work in this company. Not officially. 12500 r per month.

The announcement has been hanging for the second year. Not everyone can become a carrier.

I was my father’s favorite: one day he struck me in the head.

In the first grade, in addition to standard school lessons, I had to learn terrain orientation.
This happened when our young group under the control of class leader Irina Vladimirovna went to a circus show. The show itself has been wiped out of my memory, but the further adventures I remember like yesterday.

As a child I was active and sociable, but by a strange conjunction of circumstances at some point I lost sight of all familiar faces.

Staying alone with the cold city, I decided not to wait for help and get home on my own.

Armed with a red ball on a plastic stick, I just went straight. At some point, the adults noticed a schoolboy wandering alone. I told him that I was lost, and I needed to go to the station — my only point of reference, as we often came to it with our parents on foot. An indifferent woman gave me 5 rubles and named the numbers of the trams that go in the right direction.

I cried obediently, and there was a white noise in my head, so afraid to get on the wrong tram, I continued my walking path of a lonely samurai.

Underground crossings, parks and shopping complexes. At some point, I completely forgot about my trouble and no muscle on my face gave me a loss. Just a 7-year-old man on a day promenade.

Luckily, I was on my side, as after an hour I saw the familiar buildings. At the station for the "income" of 5 rubles, I bought a few Chupa-Chups and quickly got home on a familiar road.

As I learned later, I had to walk a total of about 10 km.

At home, I did not tell anything about the way home, so as not to scare my parents. He quietly went into the room to do his child’s affairs until the door was ringing.

At the threshold stood a classy leader with bad news. Mom listened to Irina Vladimirovna with misunderstanding, and a minute later I appeared from her back.

For the full picture, I did not have enough to offer the remaining Chupa-Chops. After all, the teacher was tired, and she also needed to "support."

I can’t remember any further conversations, but since then I’ve never felt lost again.

Wind in the face, a red ball on the stick, concrete streets. Over time, I got upset and learned the tram routes, but this is a completely different story.

Putin says Russia has developed weapons based on new laws of physics
The new laws of physics were adopted by the State Duma immediately in the third reading.

A distant relative came to visit us. Not to visit, rather just to sleep in vain. Someone was in the hospital, and she looked after her. We decided to save money, so we found it. At home, small children, the dog and generally conditions are narrowed, and here another strange aunt is suffocating. It broke me. For the first time I took a clean baby pot, disinfected. There was a cabbage cabbage. We sit at the table, a relative with us, something is there cuddling her own, demonstrably refused the dinner offered, say I will not eat you here. In short, at the right moment, I pretend to get a pot from under the baby. I smell, sneeze, and start eating the contents with a spoonful. Aunt was overcold and she ran to the toilet. I made chocolate for the second time and did not hold up again. I blinded a few sausages that looked like dog shit. He painted a little with plant ingredients and began to wait for a convenient occasion and he soon turned. Everyone gathers for their business in the morning. I start crying out why nobody went out with the dog, even though he walked it himself. I pointed to my aunt on the careful shit and said, “That’s what to do with them?” I bow and take in my hands. The family looks at me with horror. I carefully smell, again fuck and ask my wife, what are you feeding her (the dog)? My wife answers something. I take the “cocktail” in my mouth. Zhuo, then I approve of my wife. My aunt goes to the toilet again. That same day she left us.

Go to work with a friend for lunch. We sit down, eat, drink coffee, talk about it. A friend went for a second cup of coffee, brings and complains that in the afternoon there is no strength from the word “completely.” I jokingly said to him, “You have too low levels of midoclorians in your blood. The power does not obey you.” We both respect Star Wars, the joke was understood, and we played together. Divided by workplaces. After a while, one of my colleagues pulls me into a remote corner, but not for what you might have thought. And it begins to say to me harshly, what a sick fool I am, a bad man, laughing at the misfortune of others. At first, I was sick and didn’t understand what I was talking about. She tells me, “I’ve heard in the cafe, you’ve talked about low levels of midichlorins in the blood, is this a type of blood cancer? He may soon die, and you laugh?As I could, I explained to her what I was talking about, but I don’t think she believed me. And in her eyes I remained a heartless hatred mourning over the deadly sick. and sorry. Well though, her education did not allow her to spread this “news” throughout the office.

All good and the strength will be with you!

Once about my first-class daughter with long eyelids and curls to the shoulders, but dressed in shorts, a completely strange aunt at the stop asked: "Why does a boy have such long hair? He looks like a girl and has longer hair.” To my objections that it was a girl, a very self-confident woman replied, “Well, I see that it is a boy! Why do you hide it?” My amazement had no limits. The pants from the child, a clear thing, did not strike for indisputable proof, but could not keep silent (the trick inside my active nature just jumped from enthusiasm and the opportunity to joke). She simply replied to an inadequate grandmother: “Man! Do not go with strangers.”

I watched the trailer of the movie "Avanpost". There, according to the scenario, 99.5% of the Earth's population died, and by some ridiculous coincidence of circumstances, only the most idle Russian actors survived.

It was a few years ago. In the courtyard built a playground, crawl, sandbox, etc. For lighting hanged 2 diode projectors, connected through a photo relay to the entrance. What started here. The grandmothers ran, ran, so how much now to pay? On the fingers explained that ruble to pay, ruble can from the apartment. Nifiga, what do we have to pay for your lamps? In short, switched from the apartment. My son walks with the light, the others in the swamps.

Particularly deliver babkyens sitting on the site, on the benches that I built. and such:

Tarantas, turn on the light, it’s dark.

Who will pay for the light?

They complain, they remain silent.

I walk in the street, I don’t touch anyone. In front of it moves a glare, clearly from the mouthpiece:

Do you not pay for rubles?

How many rubles?

Need a lot. I asked seven.

xxx: What is the likelihood that Jesus in our time would, sooner or later, shatter an article for insulting the feelings of believers for his words?

YYY: So he was executed about that last time.

Remembered for a long time. A neighbor from the fifth or sixth floor.

- Imagine, I talked with my husband on the table yesterday and found a note. “The Versace. 24 hours before the dizziness!” and the phone below – a? How do you do it?...I have a straight up heart, my legs have collapsed...I think it’s an infection. It is infection!



Then I read the note, and you know what was there? and Betasserk. and 24 mg. of a headache.” The pharmacy phone. The main thing, I asked him to find me a pharmacy where this beta-serum is cheaper! You are the green ones! I think it’s an infection. It is infection! I almost lost my heart and he is a “Betaser”!



Believe me – I then called this pharmacy three times and couldn’t say anything. He just roared and threw the phone. What they thought there, I don’t know. It rings, it says, something moved, nothing said and cries.

The Deputy of the State Duma is a truly unique profession: the less a person engages in their direct duties, the better for the people.

A long time ago there was a story from one participant on the site, which in the topic with firearms. He wrote about security techniques and what would happen if they were not observed.
Sorry, search for link. I have been reading posts on this page for many years, and today I decided to register and add a few stories from my life. And the first story will be on this topic: the handling of firearms.

My father, as far as I can remember, was always a hunter. My first childhood memories: I am lying on the couch and my dad is shooting the bullets next to me. That’s how I grew up: always with firearms, always with safety techniques.

At the age of 12, I got my own rifle, an old 16-caliber turkey one-wheel. We lived in such a deep place that we should not be afraid of the police. and :)

My father observed TB, and he had a comrade who was literally disturbed by this, in the positive sense of the word.

And one autumn we went hunting for a flight and went to a familiar shepherd, who from spring to late autumn lived in the steppe, as we called it - in a bucket, in a housing wagon - and in the pasture of state cows. It was late autumn, and to go to someone, warm up and drink a cup of tea, it was a tradition.

The shepherd was drunk, and he had a neighbor shepherd at his guests, who also passed the herd around the neighborhood, ten kilometers away. He was a little drunk too, and he was just sitting on the robes and smiling at everything.

The conversation immediately went to the guns. My father had a "five-charge", the Toshiba "MC21-12, if I remember correctly. His friend has a "vertical" with a very rare ejector at the time. I do not remember the model. I have an old gun.

The owner of the cabin took his rifle out of under the bed and began to boast: Yes, you, with your new rifles! Here is me! He actually had a rare gun, a 28-caliber turquoise horizontal.

And he pulls up the chickens, directs a gun to his "guest", who only washes and smiles. Shakes for the first time. My father’s friend begins to get upset and says, “You’re... ! to Should we target people with weapons?!! The shepherd laughs and drops a gun on his guest's head for the second time: Yes, it's okay, it's not charged!
The father’s friend can’t stand it and intuitively pulls the trunk away with his hand. (They were sitting next to each other.)

The BAC!! A drunk shepherd begins to laugh, and my father and his friend take a gun from him, overwhelm him and see: the first ammunition is a bullet, and the second worked...

The men disassembled the gun and threw it on the roof of the "house": until the drunkard gets, and when it is sober, he will not do so.

A conclusion from history? It doesn’t matter whether he is drunk or sober. Who has a firearm, or who wants to acquire it: THE FIRST AND BASIC RULE - ALWAYS treat a weapon as if it were loaded!! to

Now is a time when you need to be more careful with statements, so as not to offend all the podapacoes there.