When I was a teenager, there lived a girl five or seven years older than me. I was very dry on her, and she immediately noticed it. Gradually I grew up, and one day, on my eighteenth birthday, when we were going to celebrate, she approached me right in the middle of the yard and said:
You’ve grown up, you’re 18, you’ve grown up and you’ve grown up. Most importantly, you can have sex. I want to give you a gift that you have long dreamed of. Here is he. This is brick.

What do I remember "Frankenweenie"?
The fact that on the phrase "...get them in the brains!" in the room someone’s child racked up hell.

The three-fingered freezer has two very funny cases from his life.

The song combines music of the 90s and contemporary music.
U: You say it’s like the music of the 90s was in the last century.
X :...
by :?
Q: Did you understand what you said now?

<Aaron> Here is another story brother brought. He served in some Tyumen part, part was next to the brewery. And the entire population of the nearby village served a small natural need under the fence of one old partisan. They drank somehow together the flag of the brother's part and the entity of the old man, and the old man swore on all the ways of all the soldiers and drinking neighbors, threatening to let the wires under tension under the fence. Flag-de slightly wise decided to become, the type of discovery watched and there about such showed, nothing is. I decided to check immediately on the spot. The grandfather swallowed the cable, the flag stretched the width and licked on it with taste, on the wire it would be. Only one thing he did not guess - his grandfather worked in some research institute and for some reason brought home a half-toraton transformator of 80 kilovolt, from which he asked for a cable. Eb@zero flag so that fingerprints are left on the #we))

“Lera, if you say AC/DC is old, I’ll fuck you!
The Old: 3

I’ve always wondered why cats, for example, have legs and horses have legs.
The cat doesn’t jump :D
You weren’t at my house at five in the morning.

I saw a new viral advertisement from Danon. Mom feeds cows, dad drinks cows, we all take care of crows, we doom them, we get milk, and uncle comes and takes milk from us... After the phrase that some uncle just takes milk from them, extracted by such hard work, advertising and I don’t want to watch, and Danon immediately appears to be the enemy of the people.

Cooleach: The Chief arrived today on a new steep car.
Cooleach: I appreciated what he said to me, “Sasha, if you set goals and fulfill them, approach my tasks responsibly and work long and hard in the evenings, I’ll buy a better car next year.

Q: Have you checked the report? Did the boss show?
YYY : No. There are five errors in the word “RECHT”)))
XXX: O_O
yyy: this fool wrote ADSTHOD )))
XXXX: Rolex

Suspects arrested for sending a bomb package to Rostov-on-Don
I think the only way to revive the work of the Russian mail is by sending packages that explode after a certain period of time, for example, 2 weeks after sending.

I understand, of course, that our power is banditic, but why, according to their laws, they are not responsible for the Bazar.

If it doesn’t change my life, it doesn’t matter.

At the beginning of the zero, some businessmen engaged in abandoned hunting. There was a lot of money and energy in it to feed and transport some representatives of the fauna, the population of which over time grew in times, thus delighting both the owners of the farm and the coming hunters, for whom a base with comfortable holiday homes was built. The surplus income of the farm did not bring, but, as its owners said, it was an occupation for the soul, money they earned in other industries.
And at one point, a filming group arrived at the base to take a report for regional television. The process was run by a boy correspondent, who, after the photographed material, was eager to chew. Asked where to "puddle the nose", the lady went to the nearest house, at the time empty. But a few seconds later, a bottle of champagne flew out of him. Pulling the finger in the direction of the entrance: t-tam, t-tam...
And that "t-there", she, without any back-thinking, forgot to warn. Or did not succeed. Not the point. The owners of the farm themselves were obviously also avid hunters, and the funds allowed them to go hunting anywhere. But the favorite place was Africa, where most of the trophies were mined, whose cheeks subsequently became ornaments of houses on the base. A couple of years ago, before the correspondent's visit to one of them, in his spacious toilet, next to the operating toilet appeared another, unconnected. On which the babysitter (the monkey who does not know) sat. In glasses and a newspaper in the legs (even once a week the press was changed). And when the door to the toilet was opened, the sound system worked and the room was filled with a light swing, which received a long name - a surprised intelligent babouin expresses dissatisfaction. This is what the correspondent found. The grandmother was found lying on the floor. When all this spell came to pass, it was assumed that some hunter will not cope with the nerves and will shoot the babouin for the second time, already posthumously, straight on the toilet. But it happened. But the fact that the babouin will be battled drunk with a lady’s bag, no one could assume.

Go eat the cabbage!
You cooked the soup, right?
I barely cooked.

XXX: Don’t worry about it!
XXX: Give it up
XXX: Blin, I now have a want to...

Beat cats with sausage, it creates a paradox for them.

The Lover:
Dear wives with chronic headache syndrome, lovers of sleep and sexual boycott. Thank you for your position. Thanks to you, we unmarried women are not alone.

My dear mistress!
First of all, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that if you saw other spouses not only in an elevated (in all respects) state and at the parade, if you had to see him in the evenings and the evil, not knowing on whom to place this anger, and drunk, and unshaken, and squeezed on hygiene, and not-fuck-me-brain, when reminded of it, and in a state of distance-from-me-with-your-kiss-I-play/watch-football, capricious worse than any child, as well as roaring, blinking, scratching in your nose, scratching your ass or scrotum - you would also at least sometimes lose the desire to have sex with him, no matter how you love him. ALWAYS ready for sex only rubber dolls and desperately lonely women (this is not mocking - she was in such a role).
I would also like to note that, as men themselves have repeatedly emphasized, they adhere to a polygamous position not because they are not satisfied with a regular woman - they want diversity. They "strigs come", and we can only accept that. And the fact that the lover tells you how he has not slept with his wife for months, and how she refuses him - nothing more than fairy tales to calm your self-love. Don’t promise to marry yet? "When will children grow up so that they don’t get injured?"

I transferred the fitness club to my mom.
Fitness doesn’t go to my mom.

I know why my husband doesn’t want a cat. If we have cats in the house besides mammals, he will stop going to work from happiness)))