Once in the universe discussed how to write a journal of production practice:
Hello sweet diary. Yesterday I dragged the battery to the 4th floor, but I couldn’t reach it. I just reached the third and got upset, which I am very sorry for...".)))

Laika

Two o’clock at night, I am drunk, in the club, calls.
My daughter, do you drink? No... Breathe! He breathed...
How did I burn, how did I burn? and which
Normal people are on the phone.
to breathe?! to

Listening attentively to a fool and agreeing with him raises the mood of both.

In the distant 1975 I was a first-time student of physfak. In addition to physics, mathematics, etc. in those times, the general educational sciences - philosophy, diamond, isthmus, etc. were essential.
The history of the CPSU was read to us by Vladimir Fyodorovich F., a docent, a retired colonel, a policeman of the division, who fought together with L. I. Brezhnev himself.
Like all former retirees, he had his ghosts. The senior of the course, as a senior in the army, was to ensure the timely delivery of peelings from the nearest peelings during lunch. For this, aluminum barrels were issued, tar under cream, monetary compensation.
Vladimir Fedorovich always ate lunch in the auditorium, loudly tasting pelmeni and reading his lectures.
It is time for exams. I went well on my subjects, the scholarship and the scholarship, the last one was the history of the CPSU.
I don’t know what caused me to fail at that time—my confidence, that the associate professor will only look at my assessments in the countdown and put in solidarity “excellent” or that I had all the outputs of his lectures (leased from fellow students), or that I knew the dates of the last congresses of the CPSU.
I came to the exam one of the last passers, just during the siesta.
by Vladimir Fedorovich. He had just eaten with pellet, was preparing to smoke his favorite papyrus "Three Heroes", and then I called to answer for a ticket. Then I realized that he did not listen to me at all, did not ask a single additional question, silently took the note, scored three points and only then said, "You do not know the history of our party, young man!
Study better, otherwise I don’t know how you will pass in the next semester!
Later, the well-known high school students explained to me that the respectable docent had no need to be disturbed during the lunch, and that now, even if I would bring to the next examination the outputs of all of Lenin’s, Marx’s, and Marx’s works.
Engels, nothing will save me from the next execution. This means saying goodbye to the scholarship for another six months!
I had to do something. The exit was found. In the case went the father's camera "Kiev" + some amount spent on film, photo paper and chemicals. At every lecture I filmed Vladimir Fedorovich in all his favorite poses, which was never forbidden on his part. On the contrary, he, like his beloved Secretary-General, loved to pose.
At the exam, I called to answer the first, not even preparing for the ticket.
I put a pack of pictures on the table (two hundred pieces!Look at Vladimir.
Fedorovich, that I knocked here.
After that, taking the exam turned into a photo demonstration.
Look what an eagle I got here!! And here? and here
Here is!! to
Everyone who came to answer for the ticket agreed with the Colonel, received without any questions and answers "excellent" in the check-in and the exam continued.
Finally, all the photos from my album were viewed, only the old man, Vladimir Fedorovich and I remained in the audience.
Give me your account, son. Respect the old man, respect him. It is regrettable,
What more than “great” I can’t offer you!
I took my check, polystyrene, suddenly a wild cry:
The old man!! Why did he have a trio last year??? Where are you
Was it when I put him in a trio? Go to the Deacon, take notice.
Transfer for last semester.
And Vladimir Fedorovich personally overrated his assessment for the last exam, writing twice "excellent".
My experience was taken over by the following generations of first-time students, at lectures to the associate professor Vladimir Fedorovich (he had a bright memory) everyone came with cameras, demonstrated their skills at the session. and all
(Absolutely all of it!!) They got their five points!
P.S
Vladimir Fyodorovich read lectures not only at the physfak, but also at his native istfak, while he ruthlessly punished his students-historians, saying at the same time:-No, you do not know the history of our party, guys, here are the physicists - they know perfectly!!! to

A father and his son are bathing in the bathroom.
“Daddy,” the son points his finger, “and mother has such a thing?”
“No, son,” his father said, “my mother has no such thing, it’s mine.
It uses.

Federal Law of the Russian Federation "On Beekeeping"
A citizen or a legal entity who has missed a beekeeper has the right to return it in case of continuous persecution. 13 )

Once upon a time, almost seven years ago, we sat with friends at a non-nuclear table, drank vodka, snack fried peelings. We celebrated the anniversary – my daughter was born! They washed all kinds of legs and other hardcores. And then at some point, Anton, who was at that time already a daddy with a traineeship, addressed me with these words: "And yet a boy is better than a girl!" And now there is). I, too, a lot of such a buchy with a slight insult ask: "Yes, is it from FIG? Well, he started in the sense that the guys are all kinds of machines-automatic robots-karate. And the girl is dolls-dresses-soppy-bands. The sadness is shorter. But he could not convince me of his right. And then he pulled out his last, most deadly argument: "But imagine that in 16 years your daughter will come home and say, "Dad, here in the neighboring entrance there is a boy Egorka, I love him and he fucking me." But after thinking for a second, I replied, “I imagine that in 16 years your son will come home and say, ‘Dad, here in the neighboring entrance is a boy, Egorka, I love him and he fucking me.’

My five-year-old friend once said, “I love to crawl – it makes it easier... Try not to agree.

It was the first Russian film in 3D Dark World. The most epic moment:
The main heroine's lover was killed. From somewhere on the right full of outrage and bitter girl voice: "Well, fuck in the mouth!"

Two crocodiles fly, one green, the other to the left, how much weighs 1 kg of apples if the shadows disappear at midnight?? to
yyy: The weight in the inertial system of reference P coincides with the force of gravity and is proportional to the mass m and the acceleration of free fall g at a given point.
Thus, in a state of rest, 1 kg of apple will weigh under conditions of acceleration of free fall equal to 9.81 m/s^2 on the planet Earth (approximately):
P = m*g = 1 [kg] * 9.81 [m/s^2] = 9.81 [N] (Newton)
XXX is...

XXX: The Medical Committee. I go to the psychiatrist and from the threshold I say "Set a stamp, I’m not a fool"
xxx: So he smiles in response "how much will two plus two multiply by two?".
xxx: Well fuck me and it was "It depends on which system of counting".
Writer, don’t joke with the psychiatrists, I explained to him for 15 minutes that a programmer and a schizophrenic are different things.

Our office is guarding the COC, I went home at night the laptop did not turn off (he when he falls asleep it is not blocked), I come to work in the morning and on the document which was already signed with the stamp a small spot of coffee, myself yesterday before leaving the coffee shrugged, upset even offended myself a bit for such dirt, well let me think the news a little read, I start IE and above Yandexbar request: "How to get a spot of coffee from paper"
Fuck as cute.

Here is 10.10! Congratulations to you! ))
xxx: the coolest will be 11.11.11) sorry that 13.13.13 will not be
YYY: Why won’t it be? Do you believe in the end of the world?

No, with these new dozens and really like in the Middle Ages. I have to pay for gold.)

Have you seen the new ones in the reception?
Where is?
- On the "December", Russofob!
I saw the nobles steal.
Do you know the names? Rasikova and Halfishkin.
“Indefinite whisper”
- In fact, by her parents, she is Half-Mishkin, but the passport was either with humor or with stupidity...
by Ksta! We also have an accounting supplement.
- Do you know about a thirty-year-old blonde with a fourth number and somewhere like 100-70-100?
and AGA. Do you know the name?
and Doyna. Better call her Annette. She will not be offended.

She: Smoke, and Ruslan has already gone to New York?
Yes, a month ago.
In the PMS?
On to PMJ

I received a scan of one document today.
The official note.
Please note that due to the drop in temperature to -40 ° C wind 4m / s brigade No652, No655 go into forced simple weather conditions to avoid emergency situations. We ask you to take measures to avoid entering a simple brigade of the CRS. (CRS - Capital repair of wells) With respect, Deputy Project Manager A.A. by Ivory"
The master resolution of the chief:
"Stockholm S.R. Urgently raise the air temperature, turn off the wind until a special order. Signature by Petrov A.A."

The most humane thing is to explain to him that he is wrong.
Fingers break and crush better one by one

I now read the instructions for candles...Cases of overdose-on overdose of the drug was not. Emergency, come to the emergency!I have an anal candles overdose!!!! to

I come home today from drunkenness, evil tired, there is no light on the first floor (I am all in black like a goat) I call the elevator, I wait. Here comes a girl with a guy into the entrance, they approach the elevator, they don’t see me, the girl tries to tap the elevator button and knocks my finger at me, here the elevator door opens and illuminates me! The girl with the screams - "AAABLAY!" flies back almost to take the door of an old grandmother (