bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 15 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157151
 08.11.2021
A message from that world.

My friend’s dog died aged. The puppy is excluded. The Favourite. Half of my heart, think, died, and my friend fell down from sorrow: she became so sick that she decided to die. The kids are in shock, of course. Mothers are worse and worse, but how to help? The doctors only handed out, she said she takes herself out... and she really goes away! She lies, sits in the wall, doesn’t eat and doesn’t even get up.

Then the daughter of a friend and went to the place under the straw in the garden, where the dog was buried, cried, talked to the dog, as if with a living, and let her reproach: what are you doing? How we loved you! Mother is so young to live...How are we without her? Do not take it with you, be a man! She is crying, it’s all gone. In the evening, she tells me everything on the phone and says that once she went to the dog to the grave with pretences, she also has a roof. So what am I?
Prayers of compassion...what else can we do?

A few days later, the light knocked on the door. Who is there? Mother - her own person: cheerful, business, fun, suddenly thought about dying.
So, he says, children, tonight Evechka came to me in my dream. She said she was coming back to us. She said that in a month you should go to the bird market every Sunday and look for a woman with puppies. The woman’s name is Emma and her fool is Eva. The species? Did not say. The main thing: the hostess Emma, and the fox - as we called it, the same name...
My friend dropped all this to the children, dressed up, gathered, and went on business, as if she wasn’t sick, and was not interested in suicide... The children were in shock again! The daughter calls me: help my mother to persuade the psychiatrist to appear... clearly the roof went to her: the dead dog in a dream, ZU gives... And by that time I heard the whole story of the dream from the first hand, a friend with my own eyes I see - alive and healthy, thank you, lords! Well, I say to the girl, you won’t like it! My mother dies, it is bad. Dressed like a shirt – again not good. Decide already! Your normal mother, take care of her. Not worse than my whole life has been.

And then, as the month passed, every Sunday, from morning to night, a girlfriend goes around the market for ten rows. When alone, when with me, when with my daughter... There is no such combination of Emma/Eva, even if you shoot yourself... Again to scatter the beginning, and I to her: what are you before time? He said in Russian: Wait! Do you think it’s so easy to get back from that world?

That day we went with her to the last round, at the end of the bazar. All the same stands, and the time of lunch has long passed... I pulled a friend for a barbecue and pulled in a cafe. I sat down in the menu. I raise my eyes, and my girlfriend looks behind my back and changes her face. Have you seen a ghost? Look, and behind me on the wall an ad is glued: a preliminary record on the puppies of Eva-Eritha-and two rows of names of all kinds through the barrel. Below is the phone and the name is Emma. We were pushed. What is lunch? Call me right away, Emma. Answered by Emma. And the dog Eve? exactly. Are there dogs already? He says they’ve all been sold.
My wife is really hysterical:
How did they sell? and I? There was mine... my dog in a dream told me... my puppy... from that world... and crying in a voice.
I was scared and picked up the phone. I say: sorry, do not pay attention: we have a mystical story here, and in the announcement the names - yours and your dog - coincided as in a dream... and the dog in the hospital dreamed and said...
Well, you understand – I also made it clear! The negotiator, the shit.
And the telephone silenced, and then suddenly says: write the address, come. There is one puppy. They left themselves...
O Lord! Without hearing our feet, we jumped into the car and went to the address. I found. entered in. A woman is one and a half meters tall and one and a half in width - a square-nested aunt! on the neck a chain of gold, three fingers wide, in a pearl and dark glasses. In the apartment. Do not say goodbye to you or any other reverants. Silence ticked his finger toward the room. There were a table and chairs in the room. We sat down.

...and then began the interrogation with addiction: who are they, from where, why? Aunt around us wears circles and cries: Tell the truth! I know who sent you!
I was already slowly looking at the entrance door, when my aunt, noticing my look, cried out the word, and a huge dog came out of the neighboring room and quietly lay on the doorway into the corridor. I realized we couldn’t get out of here alive.

And when for the hundredth time we, each in turn, told the whole story, including the dream, and with topographic accuracy described the bird market from the inside, the square mistress stood up, made one move, and the huge dog also quietly left, as I seemed, with some disappointment.

In the second move, the aunt took a bottle of cognac from the bar, poured it on a drink, poured half a glass on herself and said that although she did not believe in God or the devil, there was no other explanation for this.

In short: housewife Eva turned out to be a dog of terribly expensive blood, which the whole world can be counted on the fingers. There is always only one cowboy, whose family has all the kings, the princes of blood, and below the Duke even the family has no one.
Especially for a bunch of money this dog is brought to her from... and always everything is perfect! The puppies are all like a selection, each is worth a whole fortune, all the bests are lost, a record for a year ahead... And here, as it should be, three months ago, the dog was damaged, and..

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157150
 08.11.2021
And the fact that in the temple, from which Christ himself expelled the merchants, every little thing is worth protective money, of course, does not offend the feelings of believers.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157149
 08.11.2021
You are just a fire!



yyy: thank you )



XXX: Is there a guy?



Okay, I’ll take a look at your photos.



YYY: Yes, there is

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №157148
 07.11.2021
There is a companion who calls once, Edak, every six months:

and health! I have not heard you for a thousand years. How are you?

Dick...

I have such an affair...

Next follows a half-hour monologue about how he has business, family, business... You can insert “Ugu”, “Exactly”. Then, finally, a little pause when I begin to say something like:

My son went to first class...

Comrade interrupted by:

The hammer! It is cool! I was glad to talk to you, I need to run away. Let us call!

I will call you again in six months.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №157147
 07.11.2021
I cut my hair illegally. On the hairdresser a large tablet "closed", the windows are laid down. You knock on the door - the blinds move, an eye appears. My eye looked at me, recognized a regular client, and I penetrated into the opening gap. While they were shaved, someone else was knocking, they looked at him, but they did not let him go. Pay only in cash. The atmosphere of Chicago in the days of dry law. I recommend.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157146
 07.11.2021
What do you eat on your proper diet?



Yyy: Well white mostly



What meat does it taste like?



Yyy: With whom?



Xxx in White

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №157145
 07.11.2021
In order to understand what the athletes who became deputies, imagine the average deputies who decided to go to the big sport.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157144
 07.11.2021
Mark Faber is an analyst and entrepreneur.
In 2008, when the U.S. government decided to shake the U.S. economy by directing $600 to each U.S. citizen personally (in practice, only $300), Mark Faber wrote in his monthly report:
The federal government wants to give every US citizen $600, but if we spend that money on Walt Mart, the money will go to China, if we spend that money on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs. If we buy computers, the money will go to India. If we buy fruit, the money will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala. If you buy a high-quality car, the money will go to Germany or Japan. If we buy something, the money will go to Taiwan. If we buy drugs, the money will go to Bolivia, Colombia or the same India.
And not a single cent will be used to improve the American economy.
The only way to leave money in America and help the economy is to spend it on beer and prostitutes, as it is the only commodity that is still produced in the United States. I will definitely give my favour.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157143
 07.11.2021
Why is a woman's ass given 10 months on the back of the temple, and an economic ass on the back of the whole country is given nothing?

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157142
 06.11.2021
It seems to me alone that our Russian space industry is already rogozinizing?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157141
 06.11.2021
We need such policies.

Vito Perillo, a former naval officer, a veteran of World War II, first engaged in politics at the age of 93. Tired of the mess and high taxes in the town of Tinton Falls, New Jersey (17 thousand inhabitants), he put forward his candidacy for mayor and won the election. During his four years in office, he managed to regularly dispose of garbage, invested $8 million in road works, and invested $4 million in parks and recreation, including building a court for pixelball (a hybrid of tennis, badminton and ping-pong) for which he was especially sought by voters.

Yesterday, the 97-year-old Perillo was re-elected for a second term, defeating three rivals, the oldest of whom was 40 years younger than him, and became the oldest mayor in the history of the United States. He says he feels great, and promises to bring in order and reopen the city library, which is currently under repair.

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157140
 06.11.2021
Insulted believers!
If you look at the Temple rather than your naked ass, your feelings will remain untouched.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157139
 05.11.2021
We worked with a sergeant named Sergeant. He walked alone all his life. He came from the army and let go of his moustaches, so he married and raised his daughter. My grandfather has become. This time it comes and there is no goose!! Everybody was whipped. He told me that I woke up at six in the morning and just decided to shave.We were in the shower, but here is my wife. She has never seen him without a beard.)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157138
 05.11.2021
Previously, life was set for a bright future, and now - for a bright past.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №157137
 05.11.2021
You will laugh, but that was the case. The headquarters dropped on fuel and my excavator dried up 4 hours before the end of the shift. For half an hour, three "Big Bosses" in the choir told me: "Vladimirich, we need to complete the change. “Blood from the nose, shit from the poop.” Okay, I say I agree. I work overtime, I am enthusiastic. Now explain to this iron fool what it is right to do. And then the chief unfolds his main caliber and enters the excavator. It is silent. still is silent. Then he screams, “Now we bring the solarium,” and he leaves. Half an hour later, under the amazed eyes of my colleagues, I solemnly poured 5 (five) liters of solarium into the 600-litre tank of my Komatsu. NDA...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №157136
 05.11.2021
In order for the lockdown to reach the goals set, the blockposts should not be placed at the entrances to Sevastopol, but at the exits from Moscow.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157135
 05.11.2021
Once sold the car, the buyer brought the money in $ (for Belarus standard practice). I came to the nearest bank and say the type please check the real or not!

We do not have such a service.

Can you exchange me for smaller bills?

Yes we can! 1% of the commission.

(I am still a Jew, cried a lot)

Okay, let’s do it (I think about myself, so be, $15 so $15)

The cashier takes the money and starts checking it there under these bank lamps and some other device like the lighthouse when all the banknotes have passed through her hands.

I changed my mind, give it back.: )

What could be done. jpg

[ + 30 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157134
 04.11.2021
Analexpert87: An unprepared virgin anus will not allow you to engage in this midnight. He had a skeleton in his closet.



Invulnerable44: Rare moment: nick corresponds to the content of the comment.



bambook81: And 87 is not a year of birth, but a breakthrough.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №157133
 04.11.2021
I walk in the street, I don’t touch anyone. Meanwhile, there is menta, starley. It moves in such a way that it prevents me from passing. He stood in front of me and said, “Hello!

I said to him: Good morning.

Sorry, good day...

I didn’t even think about what: What was it?

MENT: Yes, you are on the orientation, but that guy is not...

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157132
 04.11.2021
A man at the box office of a shop selling motorcycle equipment asks the seller... who sings this song... white roses, white roses... the seller says laughing Yuri Shatunov... the buyer is sure... I need a shooter of shatuns...

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna