Dialogue between husband and wife:
M: I am going to my birthday tonight.
J : well well. But if you come on horns, I will come on horns tomorrow.
M: For whom?
On to yours!

When we divorced our wife and shared her property, the best thing was why she got it. And even the magnets from the refrigerator with the symbols of the countries she got from the United States, Canada, Australia and European countries, and I Albania, Romania, Niger and Somalia.

Chat WOT
XXX: And what, the British have all the speed so small?
YYY: This is so that the tea does not splash.

Funny is. All famous militant actors are usually associated with their most famous characters. Type of:

Schwarzenegger as Terminator
Stallone – Rambo
Van Damme is a universal soldier.
Willis - strong nuts

and only Chuck Norris for all - Chuck Norris)))

About Toyota Ranger in one forum:

XX: But about the glass of the luggage - it is yes, there is a problem, it needs to be opened. Truth for hunting a cock because of this car is perfect.

Shooting from a seat in a jeep? Or to overtake?
Explain, PS, to the young hunter...

XX: Yes, this car was very loved by my brother in the 90s precisely because of the opening glass of the trunk. You shoot from the machine, all the guilds in the car remain. Now the times are quieter, but hunting on these cars...

There was no sex for three months. Finally I met a girl. Before the meeting, he shaved his scrotum and eggs. Sitting in a cafe and looking into her cut completely differently began to understand the expression "I want, and swings."

The child (ten months) is sitting and listening enthusiastically to his dad playing guitar.
I am a child:
When you grow up, your dad will teach you to play guitar.
The Man (Dark)
I will not.
Why is? O_O
He has no musical hearing.
Why did you decide so? O_O
When he sings, he doesn’t get into the notes.

From Habr:

The original text they hanged was, by the way, completely stupid.

I immediately had a scene in my head with children painting something in the kindergarten. One of them, Timothy Jablokin, is drawing a bird and suddenly sees that the other, named Gog Samson, is also drawing a bird. Then Tim calls the educator Avdotia Kichinovna and complains to Gog: "It was he who made me paint a bird, I was the first to paint a bird!" and to all the other children also says: "I! It was I who painted the bird, and he pulled everything from me!”

The teacher looked at him and said, “Well, you’re drawing a poppy, and Gogh is a pigeon, they’re very different birds. Apologize to Samson.” And in order not to offend Tim, she quietly adds, “And the papagaies are more beautiful, so you’re good.”

Then the little Jablokin stands up and says in a dull voice: "Goga, forgive me, please, you did not exaggerate anything in me," and then loudly adds: "And also to me, Avdotia Kichinovna said that the poppies are more beautiful than your foolish pigeons, here!"

My mother is a teacher. She communicates with a female colleague, I will call her Mrs. M, knowing that she matures like a shoe maker, extremely polite. Once after the counsel to my mother asked about this question:
What was it?
The mother, who was impressed by the event, honestly replied:
To put p**le into all the holes.
Mrs M responded:
It turns out you are a normal person!! to

Now I sit, I think.

Lessons in Geography:
Teacher: So what do you know about China?
Students: Noah... In China, electronics is manufactured... and clothes... There is everything that is manufactured. China is the leader in exporting Chinese to the world market.

xxx: hair on the shell 2 cm))
yyy: (a laughing smile)
XXX: How to use the word.
XXX is fucking
XXX: The Head
XXX: This is

Mrs. Morrison was so afraid that she would be attacked by the bandits hiding in the rear seat of her car that she invented the fictional companions of the hanger Joe and the headless Mary, so they lived until one day she was found suffocated and headless.

XXX: What does my brother do?
YYY: in the sense?
xxx: well type "santechnik" or "doctor of sciences philologist"?
YYY: You will laugh.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX? to
YYYYYYYYYYY

Lena, she is like yeast, 10 minutes before the end of the working day begins to wander.

You must drink with joy, if you drink with sorrow, you will be filled!

Actor's job
Popular in the pre-war years, the coplet artist Boris Borisov was very afraid of his powerful wife. They lived on the Petrovsky lines, in front of the luxurious restaurant "Ampir".
Once to Borisov appeared an extended administrator and offered to take part in the concert, which was to take place on the other day in the Column Hall of the House of Unions. However, the honorary offered by him did not categorically accommodate the artist's wife. Conducting the guest to the hallway, Boris Samoilovich whispered to him that he would sing at the concert.
The next evening he announced to his wife that he would go for a walk with the dog. After leaving the house, he rushed to the Column Hall, the property was located nearby, left the dog behind the scenes, sang his cuplets and received the promised reward the day before.
When Borisov returned home, his wife laid down the pastion.
“Borja,” she asked, “and where is the money?
What money? He was a prominent Soviet buyer.
Concert in the Colonial Hall. You sang it, I heard it myself. The concert was broadcast on the radio.

What will you do when the end of the world comes?
We are in Russia. He will not come here. He will come out of here.

<seriyps>"I love"when they do so... They ask, then they write "everything, they’ve figured out" and they won’t explain exactly how.
<ne_formal> all, how to get a million dollars without doing anything?
<ne_formal> a, everything has been solved by himself

Recently I remembered the case of a man from our village having a fire - the bathroom burned. My neighbors, including me, went out. We run, we wander, and he, drunk, sits near the tree and cries with such a strict voice: “Don’t throw the vineyard!”

The husband teaches the child to move away on a computer chair.
So, stand up with your legs, vooot, up, no, lower, back up, push, stronger, let’s go! All right now, you can sweat.

Roasted for 10 minutes. I said I would write the text and reproduce it at night. I don’t have sex today!! to