I heard from a sweet, smiling colleague:
and WOW! You are always so happy to look at you!

As long as you do not tell a person that he is a fool, he will not become smarter than that.

It was well planned under the Soviet government. There was a simple joke among the people:
In the Armenian radio came the question:
Is it possible to make sure that there is no sand in the Sahara desert?
and yes. In order to do this, the State Plan of the USSR should be sent there for a week.
But here is another joke, and maybe not quite an anecdote, because this is already a completely real case, such as the overwhelming number.
The basis of economic planning was the iron rule: for the preparation of various arrangements, all applications were accepted by ministries and departments for the year ahead until September 2. The mountains of the maculature were sent to the Primordial. Specially trained officials understood and planned what and how they could. What came out was confirmed by their ministers, after which these weapons automatically acquired the status of a Law, and a law more unwavering than the Law of Universal Gravitation.
When building a single house, two units were needed to increase the capacity of the boiler. Their name is water heater.
We planned to receive them in the city of Voronezh in a year.
My construction moved faster than the scheduled deadlines, which was unusual in Soviet times, and created a lot of inconvenience for the suppliers. Our supplier turned away from me and stopped not only talking to me, but even drinking vodka. I started calling the factory - manufacturer in the city
Voronezh is useless. I was knocked in my nose on the phone and that was all. In our ministry remembered that somewhere in the world there is a city
Volgograd, where they were also manufactured. I was advised to try to negotiate with the city of Volgograd. Volgograders could not be pleased with the supply, but suggested that these units are also manufactured in the city of Krasnodar at a repair-mechanical plant and Volgograd heat technicians themselves drive them from this Krasnodar. Apparently in our ministry solid knowledge in the geography of the USSR was limited to the MKAD.
He got on the tram and went around the city of Krasnodar on the RMZ. It turns out that these heaters are actually made there and this is their main product. Here, only to sell can not, because they have a very tense supply plan in the Volgograd region. They advised to contact the Volgograd heaters - maybe they ordered too much there. So if they give up a couple of pieces in my favor, then, through our ministries, the issue can be solved.
I myself never saw these units in the eye and asked for permission to go to the workshop, to see what it is - a water heater. When I saw that there was a great multitude in all their territory, I found hope.
Having selected the worker with the redest nose from the general team, I asked if, purely theoretically, it was possible to get a couple of such units. He replied that it was not easy. To do this, I have to have a truck and vodka behind the fence as many products as I need.
I called my director and after an hour the truck brought me two bottles of alcohol. These same products weighed a kilogram by two hundred. For this reason, the whole team of the factory probably participated in the transportation through the fence and loading. The work disputed. A minute after ten, my red-nosed friend, glad that I did not have vodka for him, but a wonderful alcohol, gave the command, and I was immediately pulled and submerged with a third heater. in the reserve. All the workers, friendly, began to explain to me that in difficult times, I can always change this thing for a bottle of vodka.
I felt like a hero until it was time to put the house into operation. There were no documents on arrival, neither in the accounting nor in the supplies, for some reason. And then all forgot that I was a hero and began to demand from me documents on payment and bills. This is where the third heater helped me. The assembly organization stopped demanding some foolish papers for him and the question disappeared.
The buyer became my friend again. And six months later, the Voronezh mechanical plant, in a categorical form, began to demand payment and self-export of the water heater ordered, a year and a half ago, in the amount of two pieces, according to the order No.
The manager stopped recognizing me.

Before leaving work, half-Moscow people go to the internet, look: where there is no traffic jams, and create the largest.

Talk with support:

Uzer: We organized an Internet lottery to help the agriculture, and you blocked our website.

Tech Support: We participated in your lottery a month ago. We won, who is the car, who is the house on the sea. And our boss got the control package of oil company shares! Waiting for prizes. Until you return our winnings, we will not unblock the site.

A friend who is studying oil:

I fucking fuck you.
Denis: To open the drain valve in a well
Denis: in the pipe of pump-compressor pipes remove a slide
Tagged: automation

The working day is over, we stand with a colleague at the window, waiting for the bus to arrive. Behind the window next to the building - they dig the ground. I am :
- And throw it off, now the excavator will stop, the driver will run out of there and say: "NOEEFT! We found the Nexus!
The colleague:
and AGA. And in half an hour helicopters will fly here with strong guys from Gazprom, who will explain that it is hard to tear other people's pipelines.
The third colleague:
- I will not say on the oil account, but water and electricity can be found.
The revenge of Chubais will be blown up.
At this moment the light goes off. We found electricity, hole...

Signature to the gift in contact, the bear:

by Dmitry Anatolievich!!! thank you!! You often say you’re going to Samara! I painted all the facades of the houses over the course of the day, and my house too!!)) Half the city is fine too!! Thank you very much!!!!))))))))))))))))

In the metro:
If you find suspicious objects, make a suspicious face!

My husband and I lie in bed and the cat lay on the pillow between us. I don’t like this thing, I grabbed him and tried to pull him off the pillow, and he grabbed his nails, I pulled him, well. And here is the dissatisfied voice of the husband: “Did you beaten on Sunday morning with cats on the head?” and I laughed and replied: “Yes, he’s grabbed his nails, and I’m trying to take him away.” What the husband says with an even more dissatisfied voice: "Well, if they tried to pull me off, I would also cling to the nails".

xxx: thanked his wife for the pasta in float
XHH: I was offended
Tagged: carbonara pasta

A conversation between M and native Z about the style of clothing when arranging for work.

Q: Why not cut jeans? I love the clothes! Why are everyone here walking like pidders in narrow-cut pants?
g: fashion fucking, I also don't like narrow jeans, but clothes do not go to work - because a) is not fashionable at all, b) resembles smokers
Better hippies than pudders! any day!
g: but to work take pidders, not hippies)))

I’m on a trolleybus today, I’m holding on my assignment, and my grandfather is sitting next to me in the 70s. We are in a blockade and there is a fight at the stop. Moreover, they pin so that someone's puppy is broken and the puppy flies in all directions. The people around are crowded, they are thirsty for sights, they are not in a hurry. But then someone realized that it would be necessary to stop this show and rushed to start, for which he got a morder from one of the heated drachuns. The man flew away, thought for eight seconds and rushed to the man who gave him a tooth. Instead of muting, he began to mutilate him.

We went further, and then the grandfather said in all hearing:
In Russia, puzzles can be obtained for anything.

IP, I call my bank to find out the balance on the settlement account and order money for tomorrow. I find out that my operating officer is on vacation, I am switched to another. I don’t know how it happened, but after "Hello" I’m saying to her:
- Girl, I would like to do with you the same thing I usually do with my operating officer.
Even on the phone, I feel that at the end of the wire, the pipe was shaken by a whistle. Through the tears:
Well, if you want to do with me the same thing you usually do with your operator, then first name the password to access the account.

When will we finally find out about the relationship?
Begin to
Bu Bu Bu Bu Bu Bu Bu
I do not understand her.
You never understand mine.

XXX: Turn on the TV
YYY: What is there?
XXX is SpongeBob. This is a series where a girl whale cheats!
yyy: ahahahaha)))
XXX: No, they are really hot.
Tagged: killed
XXX: Yes, they are on the fire, butterfly!

Suddenly in Siberia at the end of November came the winter.

Comments under photo of Korean women's football team:

There are no Chinese women!
They are Koreans.
Zzzz: Nothing for the Chinese Koreans!

The woman bought a kalina.
Which Yellow Putin?
WOW: as in

The slogan "suppressing corruption" was recognized as extremist as calling for the violent overthrow of the existing regime.