Make me a massager. I have not had a massage for a year.
She is tired: Do you have a conscience?
He: And I have no more conscience.

Whc: By the way! If at the end of the world everything is planned correctly, then you can eat, shrink, dress up, fill the mouth of someone who has long dreamed - and the mess / side / deadline will not have time to happen!
What if the end of the world doesn’t happen?
Whc: If the training was quality, at least personal - guaranteed!

My mom is coming to me on Friday.
M - Something early, I did not expect it before December 21

%user%: I'm scared to think which part of the snowboat can be changed with the help of grabs.
%name of the driver.

I am old...

I remember washing plastic bags.

X: Pash, do I need a visa to Karelia?
Y is yes. He left the Russian Federation this morning.

After three goals from Barcelona in the first half, commentator:
"Spartak has a time to decide who will change his shirt with Messi.

10 is Men don’t like women who argue with them.
Men like to be smarter than women, they think it should be. But they will never refuse to support a good quarrel or discussion with a nice girl, especially if she will lead.

XXX: Where is the continuation?

YYY:...especially if it is going to bring serious arguments. The end. Imho

zzz: end: bringing with you nice girlfriends...

XXX: She was good?
YYY: I have no idea
YYY: And what exactly?
xxx : xd
xxx: approved
yyy: I didn’t understand from where you got the knowledge that she started shaving something )) Then I thought you made a mistake in the word pudrila )

My grandmother came to host. He calls me to work and says, "The cat is crazy, he needs to sleep, he is eating his shit." I rush home after work and see that my grandmother has confused a bag of food and a bag of toilet filling. The hungry cat did not withstand, in short... Well, even if it had suffered before the evening, it did not fall into the bowl. Breaking the pattern in the cat.

I mean Katya! Do you know what BDSM is? You have no childhood!
YYY: You mean it was.

XXX: What will be an amazing story?
XXX is disgusting. Stupid self-correction

We recently had a child. I sit with my wife in the kitchen, drink tea, and she says:
Where will we spend the New Year, in the kitchen or in the room?
= = )

Review of Harry Potter and the Gifts of Death 2:

The scene, when Voland during the battle urges Harry not to destroy friends and says "Come in the forbidden forest at night" was extremely successful supplemented by the phrase from the hall "so he is not alone, he and the carpenter will come!" =)))

From the notorious social network:

XHH: My friends! Who is with me at the theater today at 7 p.m.?
Electrical Participation
The MMM?
Yyy: Oh, I’d be happy, but I’m going to the movie now :-(
zzz: I would be happy, but sadly I won’t be able to;)
Nnn: I would be happy, but between us 2 thousand kilometers.
I would be happy, but it’s already 23:02

Barsa Spartak is like porn with close people, they are of course nice to get into the cinema, but they still fuck them.

''Happiness is a gift to all, and let no one go offended'. A bright memory.

From Habr:

A U.S. programmer decided to diversify his life with gifts... his program takes a random word and searches for goods on Amazon for that keyword. If it’s a book, CD or DVD and it’s worth less than the budget it’s put in, then the program buys that product. The program runs in a cycle until you waste the entire budget or buy a certain amount of gifts. About the fact that he bought the script he will only find out when receiving the goods by mail.

I think it’s easier to have a wife. It will handle casual purchases better.

It is more difficult for the wife to program a budget limit.

xxx: I know a girl who is 22 years old and weighs 45 kg.
YYY: How is it? Is her body harmonious?
XXX: Meaning of the size of the breast?

I went to Moscow from Peter on a bus. The night. Moving on the track. Everyone is boiling. Suddenly the voice of the elderly: silent fucking, the driver is sleeping! There was a dead silence. He was driving two.