bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135995
 17.11.2016
Tag: put on commodity
Ivan: It will not be comfortable in the commodity. I’d better put you on the table.
Tagged with: Nakomode Like a Japanese name.
Ivan: Attack of Nakomode.
The Sun: Aha The horse.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135994
 17.11.2016
Unxed: You look like Princess Leia in these headphones

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135993
 17.11.2016
One of my friends (let’s call him for the conspiracy Maxim), while studying at the institute met a girl from a parallel faculty. Let’s call it the conspiracy of the Light.

They had a common couple. They talked while standing in the hallway. Sitting together. And somehow it happened that in this couple they were held together almost all the time.

The relationship was practically friendly. On the verge of flirting. I will note that the light of my friend was not a friendzone. In the sense that she did not pour out complaints on her boys, did not ask for help with the transportation of furniture and did not try to manipulate them at all. She was just very nice, sociable and welcoming.

Maxim quickly noticed that he was waiting for a couple with some unhealthy for the student-sweeping anxiety. Listen to the feelings. Eventually, he confessed to himself that he fell in love.

During this time, he had a paper with his mobile phone number in his pocket. And every weekend, Maxim was scratching his hands to call and invite Light somewhere.

There was no 100% certainty that the Light would respond with reciprocity and would not offer pioneering friendship. There was a fear that after rejection, the joint couple would not turn into a complete discomfort. In other words, it was a stupid insecurity.

In the meantime, it came to summer holidays. The couple also ended. Then Maxim decided that he would wait for the end of the class, and there was pan or disappeared.

And here, when he finally got out of his jeans pocket a promised paper, he found that the number to the dog heroes was erased. He was in his pocket for too long. Like a stupid melodrama.

Max did not give up. He tried to recover the memory numbers. For five weeks he intimidated strangers with his sudden calls to the cell phone with questions, not whether they were the Light.

He tried through fellow students to get on to fellow students of Light and thus get on to someone who knew her phone. But he only achieved a platonic love with the old-age girl of the Svetina group. She had a recorded number, but it turned out to be old and unworking.

Max has memory. I remembered that Light once mentioned the number of the school in which she was studying. I remembered this number and called it several times, appearing as a lawyer, then a journalist. The directorate of the school did not give the number and, probably, was surprised for a long time - what the Light distinguished that attracted so much attention.

Eventually, the parents invited Max to take a trip to the south. Max realized that he was almost fucking out of the summer and agreed. The entire family arrived at the airport loaded with bags.

And when Max was already going to land, his cell phone ringed.

The Maxim? Hi to you! Going to the cinema today? A sound of light came from the tube. Max looked at the bags, on the parents, thrown mentally into what would become a romantic version of the development of events. Then he guessed how many percent of his soul would die if he chose not with his heart, but with his head.

"Sorry, it won't work today," hating himself, he answered on the phone.



Fate loves such jokes.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135992
 17.11.2016
About the series "Game of Thrones"
XHH: A very good series. But you have to look at it thoroughly. I turned off the first season.
The first is unclear.
Everyone is fucking.
We need to go on)
HH: And then they will stop?
I’ll do it too, but you’re already used to it.)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135991
 17.11.2016
If bribes are placed in cages along the Kremlin wall, the revenue from tourism will cover the cost of bribery.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135990
 17.11.2016
Connecting the homephone. Kids are running around, as usual, they are all interested. A lot of questions, the answers come up by themselves. One boy asks:
Are there many apartments?
I answered:
- You will help me offgenically if you run away and count how many!
The five men were a girl.
These bulls were broken to count. I wanted to breathe calmly. And then this little girl cried out:
Where are you? Look at how many mailboxes, sheep!! to

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135989
 17.11.2016
Ulyukayev was charged with receiving bribery in a small amount, which is incompatible with the position of a Russian official.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135988
 17.11.2016
XX: now read the note "reality of relations in the 21st century". There are a lot of books, but I gathered my strength. A note from the guy.
“We [the girl] could spend together 8.12 and 24 hours for dozens of days without breaks and were not tired at all.”
She closed the note, realizing that the guys didn't fuck at work, this is the root of all existential problems. The comfort zone, blaze.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135987
 17.11.2016
A guy learns to love a girl without filters on Instagram.

(Short description of the cartoon "Shrek")

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135986
 17.11.2016
XXX: What is Emotion?
YYY: Emotions arise in the process of friction of the inner world about the external.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135985
 17.11.2016
Hubble, discussing tags "my computer" -- "computer" -- "this computer"

xxx: Always crawled from the inscription “This computer.” In Russian, a sign with such an inscription looks strange.
yyy: It is elementary, Watson – after a very short period of use in the middle will automatically appear the adjective on Y... ;)

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №135984
 17.11.2016
Learning to program in 21 days is very easy. It’s like turning the clock. The solar. Through the road. In the Portuguese.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135983
 17.11.2016
GK, discussion of the ethics of genetic interference in the human genome:

Why is it unethical to change the color of eyes, skin and hair?? to
YYY: It will be inconvenient for racists to identify the object of hatred. Here is a white, blue-eyed blonde, but he is actually a black man. What to do with racists? Why doesn’t anyone care about racists?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135982
 17.11.2016
There was an order from the administration to raise wages. Therefore, I was cancelled the supplement of 3500 rubles and added 3500 to my salary.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135981
 17.11.2016
Oxdeadbeef: HP unveils world’s first mini workstation, HP Z2 Mini Workstation
Stahl: And Intel NUC is, we must think, the world’s zero mini workstation?
Sadler: HP previously produced only non-working mini-stations. He was accidentally a worker.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135980
 17.11.2016
Even if you lost a game at a golf club, you shouldn’t be upset, because life seems to be successful, compared to the dominoes in the yard.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135979
 17.11.2016
<coder>: I have one any task type "Choose one extra item from N" cause the desire to immediately come up with N criteria, each of which excludes exactly one item from the list?
<xxx>: guy, maybe you didn’t need to be in the proger, but in the testers?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135978
 17.11.2016
Okay, let me tell you what to prepare for. On a 10-point scale, how incompetent is he?
Oh, I beg you.
WOW: If incompetence had its own scale, it would be a measurement unit there, it would be named in his honor.
WOW: one Kiselev, two Kiselev, ten Kiselev...
Absolute zero for Kyseleev :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135977
 16.11.2016
It was this summer. On Sunday, 6 in the morning, I called a taxi home, I sit and wait at the shop at the entrance, next to a bag with things. There is no soul in the yard. There are two boys on rolls, 15 years old. One of them went further, and the other approached me and said (I am, P-boy):



Q: Did you see the two main ones here?



I: What are the main ones?



One is deaf, the other is deaf, guess who I am.



I: (understanding that he’s saying nonsense, asked him) Did you say this to me?



A: Because you are a horse.



He started offending me in everything. My emotions got stuck, I stood up, ready to pull him in full. He gave me a hole, I ran after him, and he goes and continues to cover me with a mat. Here I remembered that at the beginning there were two of them, and immediately thought about the bag that I left at the entrance. I ran back and saw that the second was already going to my bag, I ran to him. When he saw me, he realized that he would not have time to take her and began to rush to jump past me, but he did not have time. I grabbed him and fell on his feet, he fell. Having raised it, I saw that the first is going to us with some board in his hands, apparently to free his fellow. As he approached, he threw a board at me, I sneaked for the prisoner, the board flew past. I took the prisoner and pushed him to the side of the first, they both collapsed. Thanks to the scrolls and my efforts to keep them lying, they could not get up. And then the taxi driver came, he helped to turn them around and we took them straight to the police. They immediately became kind and polite. It turns out that both have already been caught on a small theft and they are on record. When I was leaving, I heard from one of them: Fuck, my father will kill me.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135976
 16.11.2016
From Hicks:

Alaunquirie: Can you give an example of the text, how to ask the Chinese for a discount? Don’t just say “Please give a discount” in English.

Hello, I'm a poor African prince whose grandmother died 2 months ago and she gave me some inheritance. Not so big, so I can't buy more than XXXX price. Please give me discount XXXX-15% and I will buy this item. Thanks for the help Seller!

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