bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135935
 15.11.2016
Believe me, there are a lot of people in the world who actually need the services of our bank.

But without our night call they will not know about it.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135934
 15.11.2016
The son, being in the second grade, said about the hair grown up after shaving naked: "I'm glad to see, mom, that you finally stepped up, the hair has grown, and what was it??!! Adult woman, mother of second grade, and you walk like a saucer!"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135933
 15.11.2016
#Cuckoo

12 years ago, I bought my cat for 250 rubles. If you divide this price by the number of days spent with the cat, then its cost is 5 kopecks per day.

<><><>>
Did you decide not to feed him? A dead cat is no problem.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135932
 15.11.2016
xxx: I personally checked my hearing when I woke up one night from watching porn. And a sad one, there so sadly stood the maid, as if her leg was broken, and the anesthetic just started to act.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135931
 15.11.2016
From the Guitarist Forum:

I actually hear pretty loud clicks when I touch the strings on the electric guitar. Previously there was no such thing. How to solve the problem?
222: Logically, do not touch the string!
333: The problem with screening and grounding is most likely, some element inside the guitar has gone away (a wire, for example).
111: How to solve the landing problem? I’ll look at the leaked lines today.
444: Electricity invites to make a washing machine socket.
I will probably try myself...
555 to say goodbye.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135930
 15.11.2016
xxx: So - 15.11.2016 - Ulyukaev was detained on suspicion of extortion. I take bets, gentlemen, in how many days will he be translated into witnesses.))))
Three days! →! to
Yaya: (with a terrible voice) 7 days!!!!! to
SSS: a week will murmure the news, then in a month when they forget everything, they will make a witness
FF: Did you get excited? Preparing for a promotion

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135929
 15.11.2016
The program can download files in N streams, but cases of N more than one are not supported yet

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135928
 15.11.2016
Senior courses of the institute, the first serious relationship, the first rented apartment...

In general, the praised male logic fails on simple household issues, as it turned out: no, that you, dear, I do not consider that everything in the household should be done by you, you just need to do it, otherwise it is a mess and uncomfortable, and I do not want to do it.

No, a couple of weeks before him, of course, it came out that if we are only two, then the option is two - either I do, or he does. He is still together (for 15 years now) and he is very busy. I should have seen his face at that moment.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135927
 15.11.2016
Simple coupe, I am like a cockroach, on the top shelf.
People were, if you look at them, obviously intelligent! They ate and began to eat peanuts.
After forty minutes, after the destruction of the gift of the southern batch, they got the pot! Here my extrasensory feeling felt awkward! The bottle was with tomatoes! I don’t know which alien frog told them to fill 100 grams of tomatoes with half a kilogram of garlic, but it’s a fact! They ate him! The woman refused and again disappeared in the technological holes!
At that moment, completely betrayal, came the night! They all slept like white people. Within forty minutes, we realized that we were in the savannah, the planet of hell! For, by nothing else, the roar of the ass of a lovely grandmother can explain nothing but the roar of the gin, bitten by the marid for the most holy!
Then we smelled war...the smell was terrible! I regretted at that moment that Lovecraft had died, he would have composed an entire collection until he had died of the smell!
Grandpa was silent, he was calm, this gas apparently calmed him.
The battle of the grandmother's stomach with the sting continued until three nights! The people began to roll in the neighboring compartment, apparently the poison leaked through the holes and caused terrible dreams!
At three o’clock at night, I realized that Satan was around and what power he possessed – grandfather exploded, well, I thought so! Ktolhu and Shab Niggurat just cried, although no one can rule out that it was my tears.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135926
 15.11.2016
Summer and Saturday. I come back from a meeting with my friends in Hermione costume. Later, I ordered a taxi. I did not have to wait long. It would seem that everything has already been decided: the address to go, payment by credit card, communication was expected to be minimal.



Are you studying somewhere? - said the taxi driver, kiwa on my outfit of white shirt, tie and golf.

I have not studied for a long time. This is a cosplay costume.

However, it is very beautiful.

and thanks.



It seemed like the accident was exhausted, but the driver decided to give me another compliment.

You are good, you don’t drink. The windows are not blurred.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135925
 15.11.2016
The construction of the shuttle in the district of "Strelki" in Saratov is planned for "the period after 2020".
Wauu: And also after a cableway through the Volga, a new bridge and a cosmopolitan on a green island with a snowboarding platform.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №135924
 15.11.2016
With money it is hard to fall asleep, without it it is hard to wake up.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135923
 15.11.2016
We had medical ethics. Leading a graduate student, she tells a case from practice: In short, a lady with a cat came to us and said, "Snap my cat, a witch has settled in it." And seriously so. Well, we and the trainee poured water into the test tube, said it was holy water, sprayed on the cat (the cat was very dissatisfied). The trainee read Goethe's poems in German (well, Madame German didn't know), then they injected a salt solution into the cat and let go home with Madame. Madam left happy, and the cat looked at everyone as if they were fools.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135922
 15.11.2016
My mom asked me to check your diary.
Dad, but you have a weak heart.
You are sorry for me, son.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135921
 15.11.2016
Haber, article "Analysis of the malicious Google chrome extension"

Kicker: Can I refer to the extension itself? in the face. Interesting to break the author.
Wyfinger: Please try off your feet!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135920
 15.11.2016
I will not remove your number from the base and put on a call - only not to myself, but to someone else, and you are just tortured by calls. Here is this. From the principle.
— — —
And the fucker too. Breaks into the personal space at an uncomfortable time, violates the law, and still boasts and abuses. Isn’t it Python?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135919
 15.11.2016
XXX: How many years old?
Yyy: 28, soon it will be 29.
XXX: What a kind of self-confidence.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135918
 15.11.2016
The education system needed to be modernized in the early Brezhnevsky, well, or at least in the middle Brezhnevsky times. Together with the economy. Together with management.
xxx: in short, "the whole system needs to be changed, the whole system has rotted"
xxx: and what is happening now... in general, if I come to power... that is, of course, WHEN I come to power, I will immediately order to knock the doors in the... cell, that is, in the Ministry of Science, of course, to cover it with wrappings of good textbooks of social science and the foundations of Orthodox culture, and burn it, loudly choking.
yyy: *corruptly* Maculature must be sent for recycling.
XXX: For this reason, part of it can be ignored!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135917
 15.11.2016
When I was a child, I had a twin brother. We played the same games, we dressed in the same color, we talked at times at the same time. As I now remember my mom’s call for lunch: “Arkaša, Sasha, lunch!” – we ran to the kitchen.

Once, when we were five years old, the whole family came to my grandmother’s village. Me and Archas were released to play in the yard. We had a red ball with white strips. We threw them over until he hit the well. Arkacha ran after the ball and crashed.

I was frightened and cried out – everyone ran out and began to look into the well, but no one was found there: neither Arkashi nor the ball. I cried and cried, asking for someone to dive after my brother, suddenly he was there. I was asked who Archie was. Surprised, I answered that it was my brother. The parents who looked over took me home, saying that there was no Arkashi, that I thought it. I said they were lying and roaring.

After that, I lived without a brother, no funerals, and no talk about Arkash ever been conducted by anyone. A couple of years later, on the common holidays, the newly gathered relatives each time remembered the story of how I played the whole family of Arkashas, who fell into a well. But, hell, I remember my brother, and one summer, picking water from my grandmother’s well, I found in the raised cage an old ball with white strips.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135916
 15.11.2016
<Inna_Yanovna> We have a new employee – Dima. He looks like Jora and acts like Anton.

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