bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 108 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №23000
 28.11.2009
to this:

I deleted the contact page. I wrote a curriculum. I installed Ubuntu. I bought the books of Yesenin and Floraeva.
I started a new life. Just enjoy the shadow, don’t have to bring anywhere. Long live the life.
____________________________________________________________

But you have not yet departed from Bora, so you have not yet been completely cleansed.

[ + 130 - ] Comment quote №22999
 28.11.2009
My wife just called...
The older man (5.8 years old) can’t turn on the computer... and asks neither his mother nor his grandmother to do so... but his younger brother (2.5 years old)! He approaches the computer. All the wires connects, enables the monitor, the system driver itself, checks if it worked, and then turning to the senior says "ALL" - and goes on to play machines...

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №22998
 28.11.2009
Lena the site of Zarya (02:16:14 27/11/2009)
I recently came from guests.

molot (02:16:40 27/11/2009)
Guests are good, guests are food.

molot (02:16:50 27/11/2009)
Well, in the sense – there are feeding)))

molot (02:17:14 27/11/2009)
Somehow in the style of Baba Yagi sounded...

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №22997
 28.11.2009
ice (13:33:07 25/11/2009)
Sasha, unfortunately, I can’t see the links you send me at work.
alex (13:34:51 25/11/2009)
that is, you get a link, wait a minute and put an arbitrary emoji? ))))))))

[ + 75 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22996
 28.11.2009
Happiness is to go to bed and wake up when you want, not when you need to.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №22995
 28.11.2009
I press the lift button with the key, the lift opens.
Inside the lift button, the key is also pressed.
And there were all those buttons as if the key was really for them.
Then my husband and I went up to us in the elevator.
WOOOOOOOOT is. He asks why I press the keys.
The elevator is paid. Neighbors began to argue 1-3 floors that the elevator is not used, and a fee is charged. Then the neighbors-athletes of the upper floors were excited that they also do not use it, and the floor here is not an indicator.
Therefore, the home administration solved the problem by means of keys: at the beginning of the month you throw a penny, during the month it is removed for each trip especially fun at the end of the month, when the aunt with bags are crushed on the 1st floor stacks and ride on 1 key, so the baby has no one.
I joke and safely forgot.
A month later comes this same comrade to visit us, Dima opened the door, meets. And that is not and not, and the man is so fat, in 5 minutes he climbs the stairs.
The smoke:
I’m waiting for you in the elevator and you’re an athlete.
The relative:
and ah! In the elevator! On your pay! I have been walking to you for 2 weeks!
The smoke:
Yippidy yi yippity yay.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №22994
 28.11.2009
Russian law: the amount of bribery always exceeds the salary.

[ + 97 - ] Comment quote №22993
 28.11.2009
It’s not mine, it’s in old archives.
I work as an accountant. A friend calls out of misfortune in terrible panic: to them came...
and oh! We have a tax check! They punish!
For what?
We did not keep the tax from the winnings!
In the sense?
We had an employee who died, and the company bought a crown for his grave.
– Dick... You’ve hopefully excluded from the income tax expenses –
It is not aimed at obtaining economic benefits.
and yes! Remove them, let them sink! They insist that the employee
received natural income in the form of payment for the goods on the basis of
st. and 210 g. 23 of the RF.
The crown was purchased after the employee’s death.
and yes!
What is the income of the deceased?
thank you! I will tell them now!
After a while I call again.
- They thought and now insist that this is the employee's wife's income,
Who paid for the funeral.
What was written on the tape?
“Of the company’s employees.”
What does this have to do with a wife?
thank you!
A few minutes pass. The accountant is in charge again.
- They said that the cost of the tape was excluded, but the cost of the wreath -
Income for my wife.
Could it cost less than 4000 rubles?
and yes!
- Spend a crown as a gift - then the benefit will work. by 217:
Income not subject to taxation (exempt from taxation) The following types of income of individuals are not subject to tax: - income not exceeding 4000 rubles, received on each of the following grounds for the tax period: the value of gifts received by taxpayers from organizations and individual entrepreneurs.
thank you!
The call again. A totally murdered voice:
They said that the deceased cannot be given anything.
This is a gift to my wife! understandably?
Not even thanking anymore. After a minute of apocalypse:
A huge thank you! The penalty was lifted!

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №22992
 28.11.2009
Over the past 10 years, 5,670 physicists, 1,349 chemists, 986 biologists and none of the scientists have gone abroad.

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №22991
 28.11.2009
In the universe, in a break, the reed looks at the communicator and half loudly:
So, on Thursday the salary... On Friday my birthday... And on Saturday I have the first two pairs, lectures...
And very quietly:
Heavy...
McMilan ©

[ + 88 - ] Comment quote №22990
 28.11.2009
<on> let me hold you in the arms of friendship!
<he> ugu, I know those hugs. then the snack of friendship, the bed of friendship, the passing of friendship, the sex of friendship and "what does this snack do in my bed in the morning?" of friendship

[ + 52 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22989
 28.11.2009
xxx: the.рф domain has earned, is it interesting to pick up www.russia.рф or цц.russia.рф?

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №22988
 28.11.2009
A couple of criminals are about to get stuck, everyone is gonna go. The teacher announces the subject of the future control.
Q: And don’t forget the next pair check "Rubies, Euros, Dollars"
Student from the last rows: say, and really give up without money?

Laughter in the audience.

[ + 64 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22987
 27.11.2009
The guys! If you learned that your girlfriend can’t tolerate the hero of the movie "Darkness", DO NOT hurry to rejoice! Maybe she’s a fan of Professor Severus Snape, and that’s far more dangerous!

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №22986
 27.11.2009
This is the time when the wedding photos of your peers appear.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №22985
 27.11.2009
A: Congratulations on your birthday! Grow big and beautiful!
B: Thank you very much! I will grow!
A: I have just been sent a letter about how to grow big. You do not need?

[ + 97 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22984
 27.11.2009
Yesterday checked how all these wild-advertised SMS spies work:
I took two phones, from one to the other sent SMS: "Go to h*y!" On the website providing the service of espionage emerged: "Hello Zay, may we go anywhere in the evening?" o_O
The table...

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №22983
 27.11.2009
You remind me of Lana.
What? o
– Well... Lan – she’s slim, beautiful and also all on the ponts=)

[ + 109 - ] Comment quote №22982
 27.11.2009
XHH: From now on, I am practicing abstinence. Everybody calls me Sensei.
See also: Sensei! "Retention" and "do not give" different things, don't confuse them more!

[ + 62 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22981
 27.11.2009
A young pathologist in the death sentence: died because death came.

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