bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №121453
 05.12.2015
From the memories of my father: After the artillery school, I was sent to serve in the Amur region, Blagoveshchensk. And here they built us, all the newcomers, and ask:

If you want to learn English, take two steps.

Those who want to go out, I stand with the rest.

Is that all?

and silence.

Others are learning Chinese.

I became a Chinese translator.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №121452
 05.12.2015
There is another point on the topic of motorcyclists' invisibility for drivers:
The motorcycle is rebuilt TONY times faster and sharper than the car, a second ago it was not in the mirror, but he is already between the rows (shut down the rules!) Stick to the back wing, rushing out of the dead zone

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121451
 05.12.2015
RIA Novosti reports that a second passport may be needed in conflict situations between countries, when the presence in the passport of a mark on entry to one country can become an obstacle to obtaining a visa to some other, unfriendly first.

I went to China on a foreign passport. Even if someone has struck.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121450
 05.12.2015
Memento_mori: It depends where you are invited. One thing, when on what I like very much - then, of course, would sit, days counted before the start. I can easily forget. One day, I was invited to go to the cinema. In a few days, I completely forgot about it. He writes later:

Q: How do you like these: the three titles of films

I: I don’t know, I haven’t seen. Then I climb, I look. thank you.

P: O_O

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №121449
 05.12.2015
Funny case from life: I went home late in the evening, and in front of me, a strongly subdued man walks and walks, the face was apparently unfriendly, somehow I unsuccessfully met him with a glance, and he was led to my side;
There was nowhere to turn, and I made an unexpected gesture for him (and for myself), extended his hand to greet him and smiled, he reacted similarly, shrugged each other's hands in silence and separated each on his own path :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121448
 05.12.2015
My companion cat is quite aggressive, and he is also a fan of playing with the cat. Hands are forever broken. In addition, he recently was at a funeral, helped to bury and broke his hand in the process. So here we sit in the cigarette, a colleague asks him what he said with his hands? Without disconnect from the phone:
- Oh, it was the cat scratched, and it was after he buried.
A second after 10 of my rust, he only realized he was frostbite.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №121447
 05.12.2015
Vyacheslav I: A woman worked with me, and at home she had a cat and rats. When the rat died, the cat was very longing, looking for it everywhere, and so on. She decided to buy him a new rat. The cat ate her and continued to long for the old one.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121446
 05.12.2015
XXX is
I have a pss.

YYY
the pss? Is this a type of matrix?

XXX is
The Prepaid Syndrome. This is when you don’t want to go to clubs and binge with friends, but you want to embrace your wallet and cry alone, secretly hoping that someone will come and comfort you with a bottle of something delicious.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121445
 05.12.2015
In Moscow, SPLIN and RHCP at the same concert... Well, it’s like a date with two ex at the same table... too much.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №121444
 05.12.2015
If people don’t need anything from you, you don’t have anything.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №121443
 05.12.2015
The Internet bank lies and does not rise. He sent his 11-year-old son to the nearest collector, even if the communal fee to pay. I came back very confused. He says somehow strangely looked at him when he asked where they could pay for communist services.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №121442
 05.12.2015
The main thing you understand in the course of communication with water suppliers and electricians - if a person has been doing something for 20 years, it does not mean that he can do it.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121441
 05.12.2015
In essence, killing a person is almost the same as killing a cockroach. Few people dare to do this with bare hands."

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121440
 05.12.2015
I am the youngest child in the family. My height is 194cm. The unprepared people fall into stupor when they hear the older sisters, growing up on my shoulder, call me “little.”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121439
 05.12.2015
I am going to give her a note expressing your noble intentions, sir.
Yes, I thought so too! Okay, write, “My dear juicy sausage, you are very lucky! Gather all your most playful nightwear, your money, and run here with all your feet. From this moment until Christmas you will be able to admire the ceiling of my bedroom, lucky girl! P.S “Gave to Gave!”
It is touching, sir. Would you mind if I changed one small aspect?
Which one?
The text, sir

Black Cat, Season 3 Episode 5

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121438
 05.12.2015
The real story.
The Prehistory.
To us from Ryazan, to help one of the departments, sent an employee. The employer pays for his stay at the hotel. The duration of the trip can be a week, a month, etc. (This is how lucky.) At the hotel, as is often the case, there is its own "mama" with subordinate "freelancers".

The history.
Standing with this employee in the smoking room, he says:
In the evening I come back from the office, and it turns out that climbing up to my room in the elevator crossed with the "make". The dialogue:
You are like a normal, calm guy. The girls treat you well. Would you allow a couple of my girls to stay with you tonight? They will even pay.
Well, what if not? :) What is it about?
“Tomorrow they are going home very early, and there are no free rooms. to shelter?
There will be no complaints on your part if I...
Oh, do what you want! Only within reasonable limits.

In the end, the guy and relaxed after a working day and earned! This is a rare case, comrades.)


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121437
 05.12.2015
How do you make fun of your neighbors?
I have original ones. My neighbor on the left is psychiatric. True with certificate. If you do not close the door, she may go naked into your apartment and start to house. A woman of old years. There is a drug addict on two floors. Below are grandmothers who love to gather together and sing loudly. At the top is a boy with a DPP who forgets to close the crane. Even above the floor, some idiot likes to turn on music at night. A family couple is still nearby, they strike each other at night, with them a baby. The house is cement, everything is heard.
So I am not mocking, no.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121436
 05.12.2015
I recently picked up a Trojan.
The anti-virus blocked him. I used to see what it was doing and when I saw it, I unlocked it.
XXX: This thing was trying to steal passwords. She honestly copied and sent where she needed...stars.
Laughter in the room
Anyone can make a mistake, that’s forgiving. But some idiot put it on sale!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121435
 05.12.2015
Abby: It turns out that there is a known personality in our office
Author: Valery Leontyev
Shut up, yeah!
Abir: Only now I learned what the name of the forever stubborn freezer

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121434
 05.12.2015
I don’t like dogs because they smell like dogs :)))))))
The cats smell funny. :)
YYY for XXX: looking at which side of the cat to smell

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