bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 172 - ] Comment quote №24098
 26.12.2009
The Comrades! I know about snow and so on!
At this time, almost all the minerals in Siberia and the Far East were handed over to China.
The military in the Urals are outraged (you can bow down on request - the Urals military expressed mistrust to Putin and Medvedev), how stupidly we were sold.
Does this not upset you? That our fucking power sells what it did not build, and fucking put on us, ordinary citizens. The news will not say this, the top of Yandex does not work.
Bring it to yourself.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №24097
 26.12.2009
From the car repair forum:

How to properly install the starter? What and how to smash?
ууу: In the manual it was written - when replacing the starter - the end to smash with a graphite. I prayed. The end was swollen and sick for a long time.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №24096
 26.12.2009
As the history of mankind shows, the hardest thing is to protect the homeland, not from strangers, but from your own.
by Yuri Tatarkin

[ + 93 - ] Comment quote №24095
 26.12.2009
I’m sitting in the bathroom and learning to play a lip harmonic.
I played a song from Titanic, because I can only play it so far.
Suddenly a knock on the wall and a loud cry:
“When are you going to drown?”

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №24094
 26.12.2009
In a court in a small southern U.S. town, a prosecutor calls his first witness — an old grandmother — and begins the interrogation:

Miss Jones, do you know me?

I know you, Mr Williams. I knew you as a little boy and, frankly, you disappointed me very much. You lie, deceive your wife, manipulate people, and say ugliness behind their backs. You think you’re a big person because you don’t have enough brains to realize that you’re just a small bureaucrat.

The prosecutor is in shock. Not knowing what to do next, he points to the other end of the room and asks:

Mrs. Jones, do you know the lawyer?

Of course I know. I know Mr. Bradley from his young nails too. He is lazy, intolerant and has problems with alcohol. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law firm is one of the worst in our state. Not to mention that he betrayed his wife with three different women. One of them is your wife. Yes, I know him.

The lawyer is neither alive nor dead.

The judge asks both lawyers to approach him and says quietly:

If any of you, idiots, ask her if she knows me, I will
I’ll put you both on the electric chair.

[ + 101 - ] Comment quote №24093
 26.12.2009
At night, a fork fell out of the fridge, it froze and flowed. In the morning, the dog went to drink, stumbled on a huge pit, and her pattern was broken. Snooping, she ran to wake everyone up and explain that this was not what she did. Andrzejn

[ + 103 - ] Comment quote №24092
 26.12.2009
<xxx> We only have four out of work today)
<xxx> I, two programmers and an accountant
<xxx> all naturally suffer from chickenpox
<xxx> except for programmers and accountants

[ + 116 - ] Comment quote №24091
 26.12.2009
I study with a photographer and work in a studio. The model is a fairly relaxed girl, sitting on a chair in underwear. 7 is coming. I take another picture, showing the second photographer.
He (of the diaphragm): "Good! Only the hole needs to be opened!"
The model pushes off the trousers, revealing his "hole".
I had to take a break :)

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №24090
 26.12.2009
I go by tram (Ekaterinburg)
is the conductor "front site prepare the money for the trip...." the following phrase: WHAT do you give me the money, give me the money... and rjot)))

[ + 77 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №24089
 26.12.2009
The generation who grew up on dial-up... remember Masyanya :)
Smile to

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №24088
 26.12.2009
Oh, brothers Slavs, it’s fun in Ukraine :)

Well, we have political agitation here at every step, each is wiped out in its own way. But the post from July just licked me to tears :D

Something there with the New Year of the Tiger, bla bla bla bla bla

Signed by: Tiger

The first thought in my head:

It was still "ALL CHMAFFKI!" at the end of the post! and :)

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №24087
 26.12.2009
black-sunrise: Homophobes, we are with you -)))
Angreg: No-No-No-No...
For example, I can’t tolerate sausage. That means I’m a sausage fan, and at the same time a latent sausage! :D

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №24086
 26.12.2009
Somehow, at the beginning of December, I encountered breasts of indescribable beauty. They were so tightly squeezed with a white transparent shirt, with the badge "Ola", that this species hypnotized and cut the brains all the way, making you die like a statue with an idiotically good smile on your face.
Who would have thought that this is how the article on the Hubble about setting up a 3G modem in Linux begins...

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №24085
 26.12.2009
If the guys from the movie "On the Game" played Tetris, they could build two brick 9-storey houses a day.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №24084
 26.12.2009
And when I have my own IT company, I’ll call it ‘Tambubna zvon’.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №24083
 26.12.2009
by Frogg:
By the way - the last day was in the same office, they have a cage with a kenar, and he sings without stopping.At my offer to buy him a bird they replied:"it was already, but I did not let him sing, and he drowned her to death!" Behold - everywhere in nature there are strange babies, and everywhere they end badly!

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №24082
 25.12.2009
Dear Chuck Norris, I have behaved well this year and so I ask you to postpone your game of tennis with a wall and include in the list of people whom you will kill with a single hit the following personalities: lieutenant Bondarenko, the head of the company of Kozachka and the castle of the company of Djadun (please take his foot from the turn)

[ + 97 - ] Comment quote №24081
 25.12.2009
from Zh.
I sit at the barber. I Blessed. Behind my back, the manicure master (an elegant cute girl) polishes the nails of a client (a solid lady). I listen to their conversation.
- Yes, there are really good places... we took rabbits there, fasana...
No, we don’t take our dog on a big beast. We have more birds than our girls.
- Yes, - interferes my master (a young glamorous lady), - I was lucky in those places too, the crab fell.
Who will I shave?

I left the club the same day. The Route. In addition to me in the cabin two typical office boys - white shirts, cravates, jackets despite the heat. I wear dark glasses, I have headphones on my ears, but the music doesn’t sound, so I can hear their conversation well. One is slowly inclined toward the other, to the neck itself, and breathes, making me smile.
What was suffocating? He asks.
The roar of my fallen jaw does not prevent them from continuing the conversation.
and A! This horror was given by the wife. It has a nightmarish taste. You can't trust grandmothers to buy cosmetics.

[ + 72 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №24080
 25.12.2009
Alex Silver: I always thought I had a guardian angel, but with a sense of humor. This morning in the kitchen I was flooded by the neighbors on top... Honey Honey!!! A delicious infection.
I thought I was emotionally touched when I saw honey dropping from the ceiling in the kitchen. When I went to work from the glass already accumulated)))) left the table...

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №24079
 25.12.2009
My name is Lucia, I fuck.
by Nero Micro. Weighs 57 meters
Five years ago, I would have had a microwave.

I :D

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