found on Twitter.

A joke from Belarus. Chairman of the CEC - Lukashenko: "Good news - You became president. Bad - no one voted for you." #electby

Musketeer: And, by the way, if these fucking-headed academics-tolerants again give an Oscar to the character of a one-legged black pedestrian, a veteran of the liberation war from—I don’t even know—which—film, then I’ll go to the North Pole and fuck out a white bear there.
AnthonyMAD: A prominent statement.
Or the bear will fuck me. Anyway, something terrible will happen.

The girl lifehack
We impregnate the strings with epoxy glue, we put on, we forget. Upon a subsequent visit to the pot, we tear off one piece and, breaking out, we have 2 bonuses - free hair removal and fur trousers

Not to confuse. Tea on the left, tea on the right. Tea on the right, ashes on the left. Tea on the left, tea on the right. With ashes. by Fuck.

From FANTASTIC

by Tenshi_13
I bought it in a dryer store. I bought because there is a drying simple, there is a drying with maca, and there is a cucumber. Because everyone has to have a choice. I like the moon more. You go into the kitchen and think – here is a bag of dryers. And in it there are dryers with maca and dryers with mouthpiece. And, if there is a choice, of course, you are the first to eat sausages with mouthpieces. And Mac will dust on the shelf for a week. Every evening I approached the closet with trembling and dullness, and carefully selected dryers with mouthpiece from the package. And only yesterday I realized that the dryers on one side are covered with maca, and on the other - with mouthpiece. Oh yeah, your mother...

I prepare for the lecture, rewrite lectures and listen to music in parallel. Only in the head came the thought -"Can I rest a little?", and then the columns melodically so "You're in the Army Now".
I am writing further :(

I’ve always realized that work and friends are different.
xxx: and that mail must be two
The most beautiful thing is that a student officially wrote me polite letters, but her name was Dead Kangaroo.
I dropped the patch every time.

She: So what is sex?
It’s a friendship with the pipes.

The eyes are scared, the hands do, and the brain explodes.

Speech at the seminar on cultural science on the topic "Memes of the Russian-language sector of the Internet". The additional questions.
Tell me about Captain Evidence.
– Well... Captain Evidence... This is the Captain... Who Evidence...

Mom today burned: I come to the kitchen for tea, I see she stinks of mushrooms, smells, smells, rubs, and then, as she says, "Okay, we risk" and throws them into soup (mushrooms 2 years old).

Inscription on the distribution shield:
"The Master is – let’s go up!"

Poor our children - their parents will already be charged with VKontakte=)

I’m conducting an experiment here: I feed the poppy with meat and at the same time show a photo of the former.
How do you think the security system will work?

This was a blow to my sovereignty (((
She washed my home shirt and washed my cup (
How to live further?? to

Sadly, when you go in a crowded subway car, tired, hungry, with a heavy bag on your shoulder, and suddenly the aunt sitting in front of you begins to crawl... somewhere deep in you the hope is born that it is now a stop... what a wreck, when she just gets a book, and worse than any messy whisper, and you understand that somewhere she is not going to go out.

Aneth: Sasha, am I nice enough for you?
Sometimes you do not have to choose.

Do you believe in Santa?
I believe.
Do you believe in God?
I believe.
If Santa and God were to fight, who would win?

xxx: there is nothing to shake the head, there is still no room for cockroaches)

Do you want a banana?
Is it a hint?
It is a banana.