bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136881
 15.12.2016
The parable. Suppose your grandfather died in his bed, your grandfather died in his bed, and your father died in his bed.
Where did my ancestors live? On the streets?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136880
 15.12.2016
When you pronounce “spread” you need to pull the vocals correctly, or instead of “table editor” [’spred’ʃi:t] you will get “dirty blurred” [spred ʃɪt]

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136879
 15.12.2016
The YouTube channel has patented this innovation.
And the first in the world posted on his website the button "Hate it"!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136878
 15.12.2016
From comments to the news on the 4PDA that the black guy, who played a lot in the demo console in the store, was given a Wii console:

In Russia, a pinch would be given, not a console
WOW: I absolutely confirm this, based on my own experience.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №136877
 15.12.2016
by GrammarBash

>Today I was doing bise <

Bize – the composer was like that, you shouldn’t do it.
The product is called "beze".

And let’s name the street in Moscow in honor of the composer Hrenikov!
There is already a street in honor of Tikhon Khrennikov.
What kind is it?
It is a black!"
c) Old Boy

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136876
 14.12.2016
Aldmeris: I like introverts, their personality defects are compensated with a closed mouth.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136875
 14.12.2016
I can say one thing about the indifference of the writers in the scribes.
There was one old song (song, if I’m not mistaken, Shulzenko).
There were words:

"I will prove you,
I don’t care!"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136874
 14.12.2016
Every time I call my girlfriend by name in a public place "Daaaash!", she speaks loudly and clearly, so that everyone else can hear, and answers "No Haaaam!". I adore her).

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №136873
 14.12.2016
I came to challenge a 4-year-old boy. High temperature. Dad is a great official. Oral rebuked - "obligated, must" and so on.
We give recommendations to the mother and the child says:
“Don’t be offended, Dad is like that because he works in a fool and around him there’s a few fools, so he’s good.

Dad apologized for his behavior for a long time, and this baby made my day! and :)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136872
 14.12.2016
I call a taxi.The order amount is 215(!) I prepare a daylight without delivery in advance.I come to the place, I give the money to the driver...even when the lighting of the car is dim, his whole face said that I am a fool...

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №136871
 14.12.2016
He called the ambulance, said that his best friend is dying, and adults are not nearby. They came to the challenge, the door opens a little boy with a puppy in his arms... It turned out that the bird just ate the food and fell out of the cage.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136870
 14.12.2016
01:27: BritishBoy: Quiet in the forest!
01:27: Xomka2806: only does not sleep
Why does the hamster not sleep?
01:29: Xomka2806: It is only heard in the bushes of crum-crum and smell-smell!
01:29: Xomka2806: Here is not the hamster sleeping.
01:30: Xomka2806: Hi, Dan)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136869
 14.12.2016
Topic on the IT forum: "It is very important! Please help me"
The text of the message begins with the words: "I'm in trouble, and I need to rewrite the task from C++ to JS."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136868
 14.12.2016
I went to work in a small carpentry workshop, and there I had a partner named Peter, who is a non-conflict man, rarely defends his point of view. So, we went with a partner on behalf of the boss to purchase raw materials and tools for the modernization of the workshop. We left the application on the pyloram for boards and brows, and then moved into the building for tools. We bought new scissors, a pair of hand-brushing machines, an electronic angle meter, several coal engines, other electrical tools and a stool that will become the hero of the story (for those who don’t know, a stool is an appliance for cutting a tree at a certain angle). So the next day I received a personal request from the boss to make a few simple frames. I agreed with a partner (who’s called Peter) that he’ll spit the boards at a 45-degree angle, and I’ll slip them off and glue them. Peter started work, I went to smoke, and when I returned, the boss spoke to the partner in elevated tones (the dialogue was slightly changed to avoid violating moral and ethical norms):





(S): Why did I then give money to the instrument? Where is the chair, comrade?



Ivan Ivanovich, but



Peter, you are a foolish man, take a chair! Do not translate material.





After this, Peter still took the stall, but after a couple of sprinkled boards decided to continue to sprinkl "on the eye". After the preparations were made, we decided to test them: we took the stool and fit the boards that were sprinkled on it and everything naturally came together, then we took the boards that the partner saw in the eye and everything naturally broke apart. Then we went for the corner meter and decided to measure all the parts and as it turned out, the boards sprinkled "on the eye" were flat, and sprinkled on the stool all as one showed 46 degrees +-20 minutes. The chair was broken. Since then, I have respected Peter even more, and the boss has even apologized.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №136867
 14.12.2016
xxx: *Explains the problem * Does not work. Everything was written like in a book.
YYY: Try to fix this and that. PS What book are you reading?
"C++ without fear" Overland
I haven’t read it, but the name is scary.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №136866
 14.12.2016
<boron> left the trunk open for a minute when the cat was already sitting in it. When trying to pull him out, the cat got into the corner and began to whisper. I closed my luggage and went home. Everyone has cats, right?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №136865
 14.12.2016
to this:

XXX: The position of feminists
Before sex robots: all men are chauvinists, they just want sex from us.
After sex robots: they don’t care about us, they don’t even need sex.

Blame the majority. Fuck robots, even socks, even cakes. Just calm down now.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №136864
 14.12.2016
HR: Are you looking for work? Do you live in Novosibirsk? Do you have a desire to be the leader of the team? ...

Moderator: The topic is closed for violation of the rules of registration of vacancies and catastrophically unnecessary pencil after the word "wish"

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №136863
 14.12.2016
Give me one chocolate and ten condoms.

You can’t get so many times for one chocolate.

Chocolate for me. for work

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136862
 14.12.2016
At work, money was reduced because the employee had a daughter. Commentary of the employee on this action:
XXX: this is how you live with five rubles, then the BAC! and there is no such thing as(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))
Who is having sex and I cry?
XXX: I was fucking

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna