bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №147175
 08.12.2017
PrintScreen on Mac - Shift-Cmd-Ctrl-3.
Sometimes it seems to me that there are combinations of keys in macos to call the demon, revive Jobs, launch the day of judgment, remove all people, enable eternal youth, find answers to the main question of life, happiness for all, for free, and more. Only no one knows them. Even the developers.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147174
 08.12.2017
The 11-year-old son was coming back from school and he heard a cat on a tree that could not come down. I tried to call the Emergency Service, they told him that they did not leave for such challenges. As a result, in 4 hours, I try to break through the tree, I shout "Sema, hold on!!!!", rescuers are trying to bring down the stairs, branches interfere, as a result, one rescuer goes with a rope to a tree, the seed of the cat does not let go, their crane is delivered to the ground, I am ready to kiss my son, and he: "mama, well let us take him home".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №147173
 08.12.2017
If you are accustomed to killing yourself, just to do work from beginning to end without interruption, this is your principle, which, speaking between us, will not lead to anything good. After one job, there will be another, then another, and you will still be waiting for a moment to rest.

More than that! All that shit you did quickly in a state of chronic fatigue, someone will most likely have to rework for you. Or it just falls on someone’s head, and it’s okay if you personally.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147172
 08.12.2017
here here :

xxx: Let’s go with this "I have the same leg and it doesn’t hurt". How is it, shit? How is it happening? The tester reproduces the bug with 100% regularity, and when the developer performs the exact same steps, on the same device, under other equal conditions, the bug is not reproduced. Shit shit shit?? to

This is probably a sign of the race. The tester is used to acting quickly, the developer is slow, as a result, the alpha tests of the developer on the machine are passed, the tests of the tester are no longer, because something does not have time to work out. But the developer of the enema in any case, no race should be in the interface!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147171
 08.12.2017
xxx: then the best thing you can do is to restrict the child’s free access to information.

Well I stood.

You would hate the parent who did this to you in the place of the child. And still find a way to get the desired information. The curiosity is a terrible force, and the children are not stupider than us with you.

You can also cut off the child's eyes so that he doesn't have to chew up if he's watching porn. and glue the nose with super glue, or suddenly the drugs will smell. And hang the castle on the pop, so that the gay does not surrender.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №147170
 08.12.2017
But in the entire animal world (including humans) “simply dancing” does not exist.

Per I am too old, but somehow I am more pleasant and more accustomed to thinking that a person is different from the animal world, that his behavior is still not determined by instincts, but by common sense and education.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147169
 08.12.2017
More such people!

You fucking do not respect yourself. I agree to give advice only after being sure that they are followed. For example, on the previous example. If they are critical, then They will still think whether to follow or not - then hide such listeners.

If everyone who advised the shameful fell away after his advice was not followed, how many nerves could be saved.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №147168
 08.12.2017
#Medicine

You have all the hiccups and hiccups here, and I’m home for the second day, I’m not going to work. Before yesterday after lunch, the stomach grew, and in the evening it only got worse. In the evening, his wife brought a healing bottle of Coca-Cola. In the thing! Everything burns in the stomach. Today it is easier. The night slept. I did not go to work again. I will watch more movies today. The slang seems to have been closed. The main thing is not to join again.
Morality: Coca-Cola in pharmacies, torrent movies, all health!

Suddenly, this thing is called a "rotavirus" and is actually treated with Coca-Cola. My wife and I are witnesses. Heal it there.
– is
Rotavirus passes in 2 days with the drug and in 48 hours without it. Therefore, it is necessary to add rum to the cola, it will be fun at least. However, in rum you can not add cola, it still kills all known microbes.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №147167
 08.12.2017
The story happened a long time ago (more than 10 years ago), so only dry facts remained in memory, but I hope it will be interesting to the readers of Picabus.

In our friendly team, in addition to a dozen guys, a young girl also worked, let’s call her Oksana. As usual, she went on maternity leave. She left, and went to her homeland, to Yoshkar-Olu (or somewhere nearby). The male team shrugged his shoulders, and used to sink into work. Contact with her occasionallyined only the manager.

Some time passed (no one noticed it), the end of the year stunned on the nose, the work gained an aural character, everything went in turn. If one day Oksana, having given birth safely in her homeland, did not decide to share her joy and did not send all her former colleagues (and probably many others) a short SMS with the text: "We have a boy, weight is this, height is this." From his new Yoshkar-Olin number.

She didn’t have my number, she didn’t come to me, but Monday in the office started with discussing the consequences of that SMS. Alexia left a friend and left him. Nicholas’s wife hadn’t spoken to him for a week. Sergey’s story was the most colorful:

- My wife just finished checking my phone for correspondence with the mistresses, only I took it in my hands, immediately comes a SMS. I read, my hands sweated instantly. The woman asks, “Where did the SMS come from? “From Balin, spam,” I say.

Share your joy carefully.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №147166
 08.12.2017
Today I went for a walk with my best friend, his girlfriend, and another lady they wanted to introduce me to. I naturally thought that they wanted us to get rid of, but it turned out that they were turning a triple and just decided to tell me the first. I’m probably the first fourth in the world.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №147165
 08.12.2017
I work near home. Work is dirty. I go home in work clothes.
We meet a young, cute mommy, with a small and seemingly very shy boy.
The boy looks at me and asks Mommy, “Mommy, Mommy, let’s take my uncle home.”
Mommy in a serious and instructive tone: “We don’t need such an uncle.
The boy says, “Is that because he’s a bombardment?”
Mom was very upset...
Children are burning with napalm.
Little boosted the mood for the rest of the day.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147164
 08.12.2017
In the morning, when I got up and went to the bathroom, I saw something terrible in the mirror and thought, “Well, the apocalyptic rider is here, why am I late?”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №147163
 08.12.2017
#Easiness

> And I've tried to go crazy in the bordell - don't take it!

In addition to equality, there is also equality.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №147162
 08.12.2017
During family quarrels, the prince, brought to white hardening, spoke to the Sleeping Beauty:
I saw you in the grave!! to
Then he thoughtfully added:
And not only saw...
The spouses immediately accepted.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №147161
 08.12.2017
Power will not see honest business until business sees honest power.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №147160
 08.12.2017
In the summer I had to go on a road trip to Novosibirsk.
In front of me, on my mother’s knees, was a 4-year-old boy sitting. Great as such. and smiled. He asked about everything he saw. I attracted attention and smiles without knowing it. He lived in love and understanding.
And here comes a guy in the road. Probably 17 years. Sitting next to them. And the boy immediately pays attention to the boy's left hand - she is underdeveloped. Fingers curved and the brush looks very unnatural.
The boy looked at the boy’s hand for a few minutes. Then climbs into the backpack, which he holds in his hands, gets out of the bag a traveler. He applies to the hand of the guy and says with great pity - "Don't hurt..."
A couple are almost crying. And the guy quietly pressed the traveler with the other hand. He said “Thank you!” The boy and his mother came out after a few stops.
I think this is a great example of education! Thanks to the child’s parents! May he be well!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №147159
 08.12.2017
There is no bad without good. At the 2018 Olympics banned Vitaly Mutko.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147158
 08.12.2017
If a person is in the ocean, then with the flat Earth he is obliged to see the shore, because the land always rises above the surface of the water. Chess and mat twice.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №147157
 08.12.2017
>>> and > Yes, and the sale of cannons is also painted with photos of the sites of mass shootings of innocent human victims.

"The packaging displays the variant of serving", yeah?and ;-)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147156
 08.12.2017
Did you have a brain stroke before lunch?
YYY: We have removed him.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna