The main task of humor is to reconcile with life.

by Vladimir Vladimirovich! I am not a serious boy and I am not 15 years old. But I want to ask you to fulfill a long-standing dream of my family. The dream is very simple. To live humanly! My grandparents dreamed of a better life for their children. But it did not. First World War, a couple of revolutions, civil war, famine. My mom and dad dreamed of a happy life for me and my sister. But it did not. The Second World. The difficult postwar years. period of stagnation. The restructuring. Loss of savings. I dreamed of a happy life for my children. But it did not. The restructuring. The Libyan 90s. Devaluation and denomination of the ruble. My children dream of a happy life for my grandchildren. But it did not. The regional wars. and sanctions. There was hope for old-age pensions - and those are not. And this despite the fact that all the generations of my family were not ineffective. There was no tuna. Everyone worked from youth to retirement. for the benefit of the state. So how? Can you fulfill?

New Year’s celebration in the State Duma. Decided to have fun, caused a puzzle with a spirit board.

Asked a question. When is it better to carry out unpopular reforms and introduce taxes? Before the election, during or after the election, to not anger the people very much?

There was a plate on the board. The answer was, “The people are better not angry at all.”

I laughed and asked a second question. Who is talking to us? Lenin, Marx and Stalin?

There was a plate on the board. The answer was “Nicholas II, Louis XVI, Charles I.”

Believing in Santa is more profitable than believing in the president. Santa has a predictable gift.

A woman in a coloured dress, accompanied by her husband, dressed in a modest suit, came off the train at Boston Station and headed to the office of the president of Harvard University.
They were not appointed for a meeting. The secretary at first glance determined that such provincialists had nothing to do at Harvard.
“We would like to meet with the president,” the man said in a low voice.
“He will be busy all day,” the secretary said dryly.
We’ll wait, the woman said.
For several hours, the secretary ignored the visitors, hoping that at some point they would be disappointed and leave. However, convinced that they were not going anywhere, he still decided to bother the president, although he did not want to.
“Maybe, if you take them for a moment, will they leave?” he asked the president.
He breathed out of anger and agreed. For such an important person as him, there is no time to take in people dressed in coloured fabric dresses and poor costumes.
When the visitors entered, the president looked at the couple with a harsh and arrogant look. A woman addressed him:
- We had a son, for a year he studied at your university. He loved this place and was very happy here. Unfortunately, he died unexpectedly a year ago. My husband and I would like to leave a memory of him in the university.
The president was not delighted with this at all, but even irritated.
and Miss! He arrogantly replied, “We can’t put a statue on everyone who studied at Harvard and died. If we did, this place would be like a cemetery.
“No,” said the woman, “we don’t want to build a statue, we want to build a new building for Harvard.
The president looked at the flowered cloth and poor suit and cried out:
The Corpus! Do you know how much one such body costs? All Harvard buildings are worth more than $7 million!
The woman silenced.
The President smiled. They will finally leave!
The woman turned to her husband and said quietly:

Is it so cheap to build a new university? Why not build our own university? The man affirmed.

The president of Harvard was pale, he looked confused.
Mr. and Mrs. Stanford stood up and left the office.
They founded in Palo Alto, California, in memory of their beloved son, the university, which bears their name - Stanford University.

But Stanford would not have become one of the top three universities in the world if the U.S. government had not exempted investors from taxes and given the university economic and social freedom in choosing directions and standards of training. It is just profitable for private to equip laboratories there, because the authorities of the country encourage them with tax benefits, it is profitable for teachers to teach the most modern technologies well, because there are no stupid semi-literate federal officials deciding for you how and where you should step and what to say according to the programs approved by them, officials. and TD. This is their government, not ours. It seems like just reforming education. Take Stanford’s example and repeat it with us. and happiness. We also build with a song. Selected for the top 100 universities reduce the number of teachers in times, generally cancel the training of specialists as unnecessary, close the Scientific Councils, require review of their publications in American systems, the concept of vocational education is thrown out of displays, etc. and TD. The main thing, according to the medicines of foolish economists, is that of the underwhelming... Haliluya

PS The main trouble is not in the managers of education and economy fools, but in the fact that we have not yet Mr. and Mrs. Stanford, but there are owners of yachts, football and striptease clubs, whose children have no idea why they need to work and what profession to study, and their parents are stupid to care about the future of this country.

Oleg himself is cooking, cleaning, washing, washing and even sewing. In short, this bastard needs only sex from women.

I begin to believe in the afterlife.
See how many politicians and businessmen dig money that can’t be spent in this life.

My grandmother hated my mother and once declared without warning.
Cleaning everywhere. She is looking for something to do. The Scandal:
How embarrassing to a man without a son!
The father stands on his mother’s side and insults his wife with her, and then gives out:
Mom, you can’t imagine it! This woman is not that without a cushion, she sits around without cowards at night! She even gave me children!
Grandma knocked the door and left.

V.V Putin's full collection of promises

and Havana. Russian delegation (geologists) at the cafe. The guests are entertained by a pianist. Looking at us (the nationality of the visitors is calculated by the staff instantly), the tapercha played Vertinsky: "and maybe, in the prithons of San Francisco...". I had to give her money. Inspired, she performed “Podmoskovne večera”, then “Kalinka”. We gave her a few pesos.

Deciding to expand the target audience, the pianist looked around the hall and performed "Hava Nagila". From the corner came a few polite cotton. The piano and the pianist too.

I go home from work, already dark on the streets (winter). I see a nice girl coming to the meeting, listening to music through headphones, and having a tubing (on which no one is sitting). I decided to shine with my humor and say to her, “Girl, you lost the child.”

She stops, takes the headphone out of her ear and asks what I said. I repeat my joke. The girl at this point turns her gaze to the tubing and says as if she was a whirlwind: “Aaaah! My child! Dear God, I have lost my baby! “”

Here my face looked like this (O_O)

And then she calms down sharply, and she says, “Well, I’m joking...you’d see your roots now.” When I said this, I put the headphone back and went on.

A woman, like a super-popper-wrapped phone - a lot of functions, and you need only one, but in order to use it, you need to connect an extremely unprofitable rate.

Two years ago, the daughter guarded at the Christmas tree, very wanted to see Santa Claus, but didn't wait and fell asleep. Last year, my dad and I put some traps on Santa Claus. They thought Santa will come with gifts, fall into a trap, there will be noise, everyone will wake up and Santa will see. And this year, the daughter offered to turn on the video camera to record for the whole night, the father appreciated the idea and helped the camera to install - and the daughter finally "catch" Santa Claus. In the morning on the video was seen as under the tree like magic boxes appear... bac, bac, bac, one after the other grown pyramids with packed gifts. Then you can see a little bit of a sleeve or a piece of a red shirt - and that's all. The child talks all day about the "catched" Santa Claus.

In general, you have to pay tribute to Dad, the fairy tale is good and technically sophisticated.

Have you found a new home for the New Year, or what will be the last time you will meet your parents?
Well Maam...

Two years ago, the daughter guarded at the Christmas tree, very wanted to see Santa Claus, but didn't wait and fell asleep. Last year, my dad and I put some traps on Santa Claus. They thought Santa will come with gifts, fall into a trap, there will be noise, everyone will wake up and Santa will see. And this year, the daughter offered to turn on the video camera to record for the whole night, the father appreciated the idea and helped the camera to install - and the daughter finally "catch" Santa Claus. In the morning on the video was seen as under the tree like magic boxes appear... bac, bac, bac, one after the other grown pyramids with packed gifts. Then you can see a little bit of a sleeve or a piece of a red shirt - and that's all. The child talks all day about the "catched" Santa Claus.

In general, you have to pay tribute to Dad, the fairy tale is good and technically sophisticated.

My nephew is 15 years old and will finish school next year. At the NH, a class leader (57 years old) was called to hold a New Year's morning for the younger classes by the forces of his class. I decided to serve the type before the new director.



For some reason, she in the best traditions of marasma and due to the lack of understanding of the youth decided that all the youth is listening to rap and the New Year's number will also be in the style of this is all. Type here the entire final number they all the class depict the rap of some, and at the end she reads the rap. Spanish shame is short.



It is clear that almost the whole class said that there would be no cooking in this hell. Not because they are against participating in the event, but because the scenario is damaging on all fronts. Clash of tears, complaints to the director, the challenge of parents, an extraordinary parental meeting, threats to fall on the EGE and all in this spirit.



In the course of the conflict, the director proposed to parents to turn on the animators, since their children decided to organize sabotage and break the morning. Parents from such extortion flattered and offered the director a complaint to the Department of Education, the Ministry of Education, the Prosecutor’s Office. The director has also been a lot upset. Just as soon as she was appointed to the post, she apologized, said she was hot and so on.



As a result, they decided to do Santa Claus from the clan of laborists / fisrucs, as well as a 57-year-old snowflake from the category of "so-your-class leader".

When I was a child, I wanted a console very much, my mom could not afford to allocate so much bubble to the "cinescope burner". I searched and handed away bottles and cardboard, accumulated, about half. Grandma, knowing, decided to give the second half to her birthday. But she said that she is afraid to entrust such money to me and will give it to her mother, and she will buy it. And bringing my savings, mom gets the second half, we go to the store... and buy shoes to my older sister, and I get plasticine.

This morning my brain offered me an adventure. At 7.10, when it was already necessary to get up, he suggested to turn the alarm back to 7.05. Wake up at 7.05 and set again at 7.10. To win another 10 minutes. At first it seemed to me a general idea.

To break with the question to the President is easier than to understand on the spot.

He stumbled onto a funny story, as a cat rushed to the robber protecting the mistress, thereby showing that not only dogs are capable of deep devotional feelings. And I remembered my own beast, of a noble breed, the Siberian courtyard, who lived with me for 19 years and rested in the bosom five years ago, but managed to become so close friends with his daughter that at one time he caused the child more confidence than I did.
From the first month, as he took his daughter from the nursery, he was constantly trembling near the baby bed, silently endured all the crushing and crushing for different parts of the carcass. When the daughter was capricious at night, he was sitting next to him and whispering, whispering like a tripping tractor. As a result, when the daughter just started walking, in a year and two months, there was an incident that determined who of us with the cat, the more trusted person :)
My wife went to the store, I walked in the kitchen, with the cat waiting nearby, and the daughter played peacefully on the floor in the room, but apparently bored and decided to visit us. She reached the wall to the kitchen and lost her support. We and the cat froze, thinking what to do - to throw the burned bowl and run away, or it will happen, and the daughter shrinking gathered with the forces for a powerful rift, as it is usually in children and happens, we must first realize the depth of the tragedy, then find a trusted person who will rush to comfort, and only then to rage from the soul. I stood there for a moment, looking at the cat, then at me. To him, to me. Then I went and hugged the cat :)