I remember we only got married, the dishes were not much yet, I took from a neighbor's cage. I do not remember in what form I took it, but when I washed it after floating, it all seemed to me that I still needed to, that I was a ballad and so did something else. The neighbor said, “It’s not mine.” And her husband said, "This is ours, and you said, it is not washed." I still can’t forget, I’m not specifically))))) I haven’t taken anything foreign since then.

The life of pathologists is becoming brighter every year: the variety of tattoos on the corpses somehow paints the working days.

From the Internet Space:
...It was 20 years ago, as if not during Yeltsin, went with his wife and a maid into the forest for mushrooms. For every case, it is a Volgograd taih, a village 100 km from the city. I drove away from them, I go, I miss it - I didn't like to look for mushrooms then, I loved it. Birds sing, mosquitoes swallow, knots fall. Suddenly a strange sound. and incomprehensible. Go to him. Everything is incomprehensible and incomprehensible. I move the branches - and there, under the neighborhood, a man sits on the couch and looks at the TV. To say that I am squeezed is to say nothing. And he puts his hand in the mouth, call. It submerged. It turned out that he also went with his wife and aunt for mushrooms. Spartacus is playing with someone. He could not get rid of it, but took a small marching telephone with him, an antenna-wire, like a saboteur, he threw it on a tree, sits, looks, swirls with the water. and Kaifouet. Overall, in two hours I came out of the forest without mushrooms and drunk. Here is the father-in-law "to say that he has broken up - to say nothing."

If a monkey had collected and hidden more bananas than she could eat while her herd was starving, scientists would have studied her brain for pathology.
When there are individuals who look like people who do so, they get on the cover of Forbes magazine.

The billionaire refused to retire and urged Russian citizens to do the same.

Let me tell you about the bubbles. They are twin brothers and not Belarusians at all. I’ve talked about them before, but not this story. In general, the brothers differed from all the others not only in their resemblance, but also in their healthy red noses, similar to potato buds. Why did they go after it and get it at school? That did not prevent them from entering the VVD. Serving in the same company and even a squadron, they say that twins and twins cannot be separated. In addition to all this, the brothers had not only excellent health, but also a very sharp mind with the same rather sharp tongue.
- Tomorrow you have the first jump, you will not become aircrafts yet, but parachutists surely! They called a squadron. The brothers were one of the first. Releasing from another company, in the airplane on the machine read them instructions, switched the engine and the airplane smelled into the sky. The lamp burned, the emitter opened the door, looked down and whispered:
The first went!
The first was one of the brothers, but the publisher did not know about it. For him, it was just a warrior, whom he has already released hundreds. The truth came to the eyes of a healthy red swallow and the fact that the warrior, as always, at the first jump crashed in the door. Well, what a glass. From the scream:
The parachute will open, right? - the scream had already become hysterical, but the publisher knew his business tightly. Just pulling out the good pinch of the warrior outside, looked and shouted:
The second went! - Then I shouted to the third and fourth, - condemning - with refinement, salaboon! Or something like that. His cry stopped only at the fifth. No, he had time to shout — fifth post... — and kept silent. Because he was looking at the same one with the red snob that he released a few minutes ago. The producer concentrated and wanted to negotiate the word, but the second bulbash brother did not let him do this:
The parachute did not open. Let us try again! Don’t bother, I am myself. He walked into the open door.
The rest of the department jumped already without the issuing team.

In the city administration, the old furniture was thrown out, and the bombs entered the struggle for the mayor's chair.

A few months ago I wanted to terminate my contract with the RTC. Formulated an application in the personal office, I was written that the termination requires confirmation by phone, and during working hours. I submitted the application on Saturday. Two days later, on Monday, the phone ringed while I pulled my hand to him, the call dropped. And almost immediately came the message - "We could not call you before, if you still want to terminate the contract, then again make the application in the personal office and attach a passport scan."



I go back to the personal office, I begin to figure out where to apply. And now, attention, the cherry on the cake: in the form of feedback really there is a "download file" button. But! If you choose the type of appeal "cancellation of the contract", then this button from the page dumbly disappears. Nothing can be loaded. Moreover, this is not some kind of random glucose, if you change the type of treatment to another, the button appears again. Thus e. These creatures deliberately did so that it was impossible to terminate the agreement remotely. Just personally pull their feet to them in the office. Oh yeah! Ah the fuck!! to

History silences a lot. It is clear – there is something to be ashamed of.

Scratch...

A week after us, we returned with the last boat from the neighborhood. They came back without their cat. An enormous, grey bandit with no right ear. We fought with him all summer. Then he stole me food from the table, then he digged in the garden. In short, I am accustomed to him. And when he saw the couple returning without the gray, he was terribly upset and asked his wife to go and without any circumstances to ask where their cat went. Everything turned out to be just as bad as I expected. The cat was left in the house. I suffered and worried until the evening. Then I picked up the boss’s phone number and asked for a day off tomorrow. The woman breathed hard and said, “Be careful there. Ask to transport the boat. The weather has not been good since the morning. The lead clouds sowed a small, disgusting rain, and the wind pushed the frosty and frozen leaves to the asphalt. I wandered around the boat station hoping that anyone would be gathered on the other side for the forgotten things. No matter who found it. He was found a healthy man in boots of the fifth size. He drove into the motorcycle and crawled something. I explained to him that I forgot a very important, vital document and gave him fifty dollars. He dropped a paper into his pocket and explaining to the heavens everything about the holidaymakers, who will forget their heads, dropped the boat to the water. The waves were very decent. They stumbled desperately with cold foam, and threatened to overthrow the thick bowl. So, after half an hour of desperate struggle with the water element, we found ourselves on the shore near our villas, and accompanied by the hustle of a mournful man that for such delights would not hinder to get another twenty, I rushed to the villas. The sky gradually grew silver, and a small rain turned into an ice crust. Gray, grey, grey! I screamed in my throat hoping he was still alive. The grey appeared. Snooping and pressing at my feet, he complained. I took him on my arms and ran to the boat. Flying up to her and jumping, I put the cat next to me. The stunned man opened his eyes and opened his mouth. But here the Gray jumped out of the boat and somehow shyly pressing his only left ear to his head beggingly and quietly whispered. Then he turned and ran back. Stand up, stand up, stand up, where you are, fuck up! — I shouted. — Then I jumped out and, not paying attention to the mates, the curses and the promises to throw us to the devil’s mother, I ran after the cat. He went ahead and I followed him, cuddling and shaking his hands, and suddenly turned to the left he disappeared in the bushes. After running and pushing the branches, I saw a gray, one-early cat clinging to a little black cat. The cat was wet and eaten desperately. The grey guilty looked at me and whispered. I went down to the wet soil and wanted to take them both in my hands. But the earth was shaken from behind. This wretched man tossed his huge boots, erupting the streams of curses. He stood behind my back and suddenly silenced. Then, with a very calm and pleasant to surprise voice, he said, “Let’s go, let’s go.” Because now the melting will begin and everything will be taken by snow. I picked up a gray and a little black cat and we ran to the boat. How we got to the other side of the river, I don’t know. Per God just wanted it, because nothing was visible. Only a grumpy man suddenly said, blocking the roof of the engine and water – Skatin, you, however. I was confused. I wondered with concern when I looked at the water boiling on board. So the man continued. You cheated me for papers and shifted the money and saved the cat? You’re like a man, and I’m impure, how unhealthy am I? So what? So I was afraid that you would give up, but no one else could save him, I explained, the man was silent, squeezed, and we walked to the boat station. Then he searched for the cat's box for a long time and laid it with a warm towel. And when I was about to leave, thanking him, he said. You are what. There is no such thing as everything for one and nothing for the other. And when he came to Serum, he spoke to him, "You are what, you go to live with me. I go fishing. You are a good cat. You are the right cat. Man means you. I did not abandon the baby. The cat looked at me, blaming guiltyly, approached the grumpy man and stood on his back legs, holding his front in huge boots. The man raised him on his hands. And the big grey bandit grabbed his neck with his legs and pressed himself. The man turned aside and with a trembling voice for a minute only said – well, well, well... Then he turned to me and said with a strict and surprisingly soft voice – I invite you, young man, for the next weekend to fishing. And swallowed me. And when I got home and my wife and I were taking care of a black baby, she found fifty dollars under a warm hamstring towel. And now we go fishing constantly, together with a good, healthy worthless. And what if I sometimes come not completely sober and without fish? Fishing is life, I would say.

(Copyright of Oleg Bondarenko)

I get out of the refrigerator a two-litre coke, the director: "Oh, and I fill!" How do you explain that she is already with a whisky?

I was in kindergarten at the time, rural. We were taken out for a walk, well, as it was supposed at the time, after some joint games, the educators hit us with a screw, and our whole squad was divided into groups. I and two of my friends found a pit full of water and little frogs. My friends, it quickly became boring to contemplate this beauty, well, and I did not, and I and the frogs, not playing for a long time, took, as I then seemed, the most grandiose decision, to give them to my most beloved and beautiful educator, aunt Natasha. I put them in both pockets, approached the quietly sitting girl who read the book and said, "This is a gift from me to you, I put them under her nose. What was my surprise, when she whispered like a steam car jumped away from me, and the children, frightened by her whisper, stumbling, began to go whoever. It was, my first, unlucky experience, a suggestion to a girl, but aunt Natasha, she was the best one, who at first asked them all back, where I got them, then led me to wash my hands, and gave advice that girls, not everyone likes frogs, but flowers like everyone.

What do you think? I knew where the most beautiful roses grow. And then I was searching for the whole workforce of the kindergarten for an hour. And they found, on the advice of somebody, a kilometer from the garden, behind the management house, roaring flowers. I didn’t quite understand why Natasha cried so much, I guess the flowers liked it.

Whoever lives in a community, does not watch porn.

In one of the provinces of Sudan, a teacher decided to motivate her students to study well and decided to give the winner a new shoe as a gift.
The kids liked the idea. Everyone started writing in anticipation of getting a prize.
Within half an hour, all the students finished their work and began to submit them. After reading all the works, the teacher was wondering who to give the gift.
And yet she decided to draw the draw among her guardians and asked everyone to write their name on paper. Each child, fulfilling the teacher's request, threw a paper in a box.
Mixing all the papers, the teacher named the name of the "lucky man" - Wafa Abdelkarim!! All the boys grabbed the crying Vafa and began to sincerely congratulate her.
The girl deserved this gift. She barely spent days in her old broken shoes. But that did not prevent her from being among the most successful students in school.
The teacher returned home and, sitting with her husband, told the story in tears.
The husband was very pleased and pleased with his wife’s deed. But he did not understand why his wife was so stunned by this story.
Because the girl was really good at school and in the class she was the only one who didn’t have good shoes.
The wife’s response struck and even made the man cry!
The truth is that when she looked at the other papers in the name box, absolutely all the papers had the name "Wafaa Abdelkarim!"
The children knew her condition and, despite their need, decided to give up this gift in favor of their classmate.

It is said that employees of budget organizations are prohibited from going to the rallies of the opposition: they are depressed, threatened with dismissal.
- The rumor is full, I and all my colleagues regularly go to rallies, we are then praised and awarded prizes!
Where are you working?
In the Omnis.

In Russia, mother words cannot be used.

Family affairs
I found a young investigator of ROVD material from the district inspector about the vicious family hooliganism. The fable is banal: the husband and wife in the presence of the daughter broke up, the noise was heard by all the neighbors, the wife turned to the injury point, where she had a closed fracture of the foot.
The district man broke up and appointed a medical examination to establish the severity of the existing bodily injuries. Naturally, injury was “less severe”.
The man was sentenced to up to 5 years in prison.
During the interview he made a very positive impression on me. He described his unfortunate family life with constant scandals, swore that during the described unfortunate quarrel he never struck his wife, only pushed away to get out of the apartment. They lived on the second floor of an old house with partial amenities, and the man, who worked in the construction organization as a high-class specialist in the processing of stone, the management, knowing about his family problems, allocated a one-bedroom isolated apartment in a normal house. He wanted to slowly drop there, but his dearest wife learned about it.
I decided to dig deeper in this case, the more I was unclear how under the circumstances described the victim could get a foot injury. During the interrogation, the neighbors showed that they really heard the noise of a family quarrel, and when the suspect had already left the house, his wife began to pull the couch out of the apartment to the stairs.
He appointed an additional examination, describing the entire situation, including the couch. The answer turned out to be expected that the existing injury could not have occurred from the strikes of the suspect, if such were, but is characteristic of compression by a heavy, dull object, such as the sofa.
He terminated the case and gave it to the prosecutor to decide on the question of bringing the applicant to justice.
Then it turned out that the victim agreed with the local, who moved from Azerbaijan and had no apartment, that if he helps her husband to plant, she will give him her apartment, and she will move to live in the apartment provided to her husband.
P.S After all, the man came to thank me, offered a puffy envelope (he made a decent money). I did not take, asking not to hurt me.

Guys, please make me the minister of anything, I clean the mortgage to close and everything, I will continue myself, I promise. I calculated that it would take me 17 seconds to close the mortgage.

I live in Germany. Yesterday evening crossed the road in the wrong place, and managed safely not to notice the police car.



A police officer came out of the car:

Q: Have you forgotten your eyes at home?

I (having caught in the construction of the phrase and pronounced something familiar): - No, I just got a sting.

P (to me, on the great and mighty): Yeah, Petrosian, go from here.

P (to a partner, in German): He is Russian... He crossed the road in protest against police violence in Russia.

It happened long ago when I served in the army and served as a sergeant.

The case was in September. I and a few soldiers were on the way. And here I commanded:

to stand. and calm. On the left. Behind the loops. and run. to postpone. Running... March.

The boys ran after the loops. When everything was built, I ordered to dig a tranche right at the headquarters, starting from the flagstone. And he thought of himself, “We really dig from the headquarters and until lunch.”

The boys started to dig. But I drank them: I said you don’t have to work so fast. And he himself watched the head of the company and the commander of the company intertwined and captured the "free divisions". I realized perfectly that a potato came to our military town. The car potatoes. And, accordingly, they are now looking for those who will manually unload them. And this is a few cars scattered, potatoes need to be packed in bags, bags loaded into the car. I didn’t really want my department headed by me to be sent to such work.

When he saw that the commanders had found several offices and the task was solved, he commanded:

Enter the tranche! Loops in place. Construction in the company.

Everything was built.

be equal! and calm! Do you consider me an idiot?

And he explained that if we were now caught, we would be sent to unload the potatoes for three days, three days would be free of charge. So we dug for 20 minutes, but we didn’t go for any potatoes.

Everybody arrived.

Why did he go to the headquarters? Because no one would have come to mind to ask what we are doing here. If we were to dig somewhere in the back of a military town, we could ask what is happening. And at the headquarters, no one had such a greed in mind.

The colonel thought that, the chief of staff told me to dig, the chief of staff thought of the deputy police officer, the deputy police officer of the colonel... In a word, once we dig in the headquarters, someone exactly ordered.